To the Perfection Chapter 3 Part 2
We continue :) A long Thomas’s part again.
Thomas Monday April 22
The teenager woke up in a bed which wasn't his. Surprised, he stood up and looked around. He quickly recognised Joël's room. This one hadn't changed it much since their childhood. The walls were painted in flashy blue. Here and there, clothes and dvd lay around. He had an old tv and a computer for himself. Surprisingly, he hadn't any poster of female celebreties. The ginger went in the corridor. Nobody there. He checked the hour : 2 pm. No wonder he was starving. His thoughts went to Dan, who was probably alone at home. He went to the stairs but suddenly, he heard Joël ask behind him :
"Watcha doin' bro ?"
He turned towards his friend. He was wearing a sport tee-shirt and baggy pants. He held in one hand a bag from the local fastfood, in the other a plate of creamy spinach.
"This is lunch." he precised when he noticed Thomas was staring. "Thought you would be hungry."
"I am." admitted the other. "But I need to go. I can't let Dan on his own."
"Yeah, because staying with him went totally fine for both of you until now."
And a blank. Are you trying to hurt me now ? Is this my punishment for everything I have done ? Being taunted by the most idiotic of my friends alias Joël ?
"After what happened last night, I think we can say you're not emotionally AND mentally ready to be with him only the two of you." continued his friend. "So don't be a moron and come eat with me."
Go fuck yourself prick. Thomas said nothing. He only followed Joël to the dining room. He sat in front of him reluctantly and looked at the spinach.
"What ? You hate burgers right ? I know that duh."
The ginger shurgged and started to eat. He was frankly surprised but his priority was Dan. And Raphaël. I need to make sure my brother is okay.
"Sooo... What are we planning next ?"
"What do you mean dumbass ? There is no we. I have this under control."
"Yeah clearly. You forced Ilhan to have sex with you in order to appease your desire right ? You made Cody's life a true hell. Oh and you broke your brother's heart aswell as your crush's one. Not to mention you almost took advantage of the man's drunk state to have SEX with him. Yeah, definitely you got this man."
Again, a blank. Thomas closed his eyes and sighed deeply.
"You're right." he said miserably. "I need help."
"Heck yes you need help." confirmed Joël. "But what's the plan ? Are you gonna continue your thing with Ilhan ? Talk to Dan ? To Raphaël ? What do YOU want from them exactly ?"
"I thought what I want was pretty clear and caused this mess in the first place ? Isn't what you said idiot ?"
His friend facepalmed.
"No. I said the way you DEALT with your desires led to this." he explained. "But the problem in the first place is that you don't even know what you want precisely. And apparently, you don't separate what you CAN have from what you CANNOT have."
"Are you a shrink or something ?"
"I'm fucking trying to help here ! Stop being so overdramatic and just give some thought to the damn question brat !"
It took more time than he expected. Originally, he thought it was very simple : he wanted Dan. He started by this.
"I want Dan to love me." he said. "I love him and I want it to be mutual. He's sweet, caring and always nice... A bit naive but I like this too. And man, when he ate ! Damn yes, I want him..."
He paused the time to realise he had destroyed all this things in Dan lately.
"But I can't force him." he whispered. "And I regret I have hurt my brother. I mean sure, if I'm gonna ever date Dan, he'll be sad, but I would prefer it to go smoothly... Oh fuck it's too late for this. What I've done ?"
"We already established what you did." pointed out Joël. "What is in the past can't be changed. Just go ahead."
Thomas nodded.
"So I want to apologise to Raphaël for calling him a monster. I'm not sure I'm ready to tell him the truth but I need to at least take responsability for my mistake. Oh and I thought about what you said. I realised I wanted so badly to be as perfect as him... I think I still want that. I look up to him more than I hate him I guess, but it drives me crazy sometimes."
His friend cleaned their plates in silent. He served two orange juice and sat back.
"You know my bro is way older than me so I can't relate exactly, but I think it's pretty normal to feel this kind of things towards them dude." he stated. "Your problem is how special Raphaël is. The man is not normal I tell you. Pretty sure he got abducted by aliens before ! So you can't compete eh."
At least, the bad joke made Thomas laugh.
"Joël you're very stupid."
"I know."
"I owe you a lot."
"I know that too."
It was late afternoon when Joël agreed to go visit Dan. They went together, since Thomas couldn't be trusted. Which, I admit, is true. His crush was obviously home. He appeared drunk again and out of his logical mind. He was mumbling about Raphaël. It saddened the ginger, but not because of his jealousy. I realise how much I hurt him now. It's my fault if he's suffering like that. They managed to put him to bed with a bit of struggle and then came back downstair. Joël turned on the TV while the teenager sent a text to Shirley.
< Thomas : Dan's asleep but not better. You can come over tomorow if you want. >
She quickly replied yes.
"Dude ! Raphaël's on tv." hailed him his friend.
He went in the living room to watch it. What he saw scared him to the bone. His brother had always looked frightening. Mostly cold. But there was something in his eyes which was even scarier. Even through the screen, he emitted so much sadness and distress. He looked empty, like a doll.
"Our team will be at L.A starting tomorow and until this weekend." he said.
His tone. Oh god his tone. It was emotionless, dead.
"L.A is not that far. You should tell Dan and help him go there." declared Joël.
"What ? No !"
He defied his friend's gaze for a while.
"I don't want them to go back together." he confessed finally. "I know it's selfish but... I have a chance now ! I won't have another if they make up."
"You don't know that." countered Joël. "And you have of chance of what ? Do you fell in love with the fat drunk dude I just put to bed or with the real Dan ? Because I'm pretty sure the real Dan won't come back without a proper talk with Raphaël beforehand."
Thomas grunted.
"Look, we don't know for sure if they'll be a couple again. Besides, it's not the point. You hurt Raphaël and Dan and they don't deserve it dude. Now you have the opportunity to try making things better or you can follow your selfish desire. Just think about what Dan wants."
"Okay." he finally conceded. "I'll tell him."
Cody Thursday April 25
This week was the weirdest he had ever lived. He went from discovery to discrovery. First of all, the story between Ilhan and Thomas was fake, as the first had revealed. But it didn't prevent the ginger to come again yesterday night and to sleep with his unwitting fuck buddy. Which led Cody to one of the biggest new of the day.
"He told me he was with Joël all this time." told Ilhan. "Do you think... he's cheating on me ? Arf, I shouldn't say it like that since we ain't a real thing."
Thomas... with Joël. That was something he wouldn't have even imagined one week ago. But now, he was seing things differently. So his crush was getting tired of having only one fuck buddy and went for another ? Well, it led Cody to the second biggest new of the day.
"Do you think he'll fatten him up too ?"
"Wait. What ?"
Ilhan swallowed the chocolate bar he was eating.
"You thought I became like this on my own ?" he asked while making his belly jiggle. "Man ! He's way too much into feeding !"
Now I'm lost. He looked to their friend. Thomas was chatting discreetly with Joël near to the classroom. He was so cute. What about me ? Do I fit his taste ? Cody glanced at Ilhan. They were about the same height, but there was a at least 30 kg (66 pounds) difference between them. He's fat and I'm underweight. Damn, how come I never linked his gaining with Thomas ? Now the real question : Was Cody ready to grow into someone similar to Ilhan ?
Dan Saturday April 27
They arrived in L.A in the evening. The college student gulped. He was in the same city than Raphaël. He get out of the car and looked at the colossal hotel facing them. He mentally repeated the things he wanted to say.
"Are you ready ?" asked Thomas.
He seemed to talk more to himself than to Dan.
"Yeah." replied this one anyway.
They had to do it. I need him in my life. I'm just a complete stupid. This week had been the worst. When he had done his coming out, when Shirley had insulted him back in highschool for being gay... All these bad memories were nothing in comparison. I've been so horrible with him. So unfair. Thomas talked to the reception and showed his ID. The lady gave them Raphaël's room number. They took the elevator in deep silent. It was like a dream. Dan was afraid. Afraid because he didn't know how to behave. Afraid because for the first time in in life, Raphaël wouldn't be happy to see them. But I have to talk to him. They were at his floor. In front of his door. His friend inhaled.
"There is no going back now." he said.
And he knocked. Dan's ex-boyfriend opened three seconds later. He was wearing white pants with a blue shirt. His hair were disheveled. But Dan noticed almost instantly his eyes. They were empty. They had no life in them.
"Hi big brother." whispered Thomas.
His voice was trembling. The college student stood straight, incapable of speaking. I need to say I'm sorry. Just say it. Raphaël slowly turned his head towards his little brother.
"Hi." he said.
The two visitors shivered. His voice sounded completely dead. There wasn't a word strong enough to tell how deprived of warmth it was. The eldest ginger then looked at Dan. This one felt tears on his cheek. He was shaking.
"Do you have something to say ?" asked Raphaël without any emotion.
"I... I... Oh my god."
He couldn't say it.
"He's sorry." intervened Thomas. "No, we're sorry. Darren told us the truth and we're very sorry. Please, believe me."
Thomas, don't you see it ? This thing we have created ?
"Okay." replied Raphaël. "Is there anything else I can do for you ?"
His answer caught Thomas out. Dan sobbed. His boyfriend was gone. Completely gone. He had destroyed the last part of his humanity.
"You don't look well." said this doll of Raphaël. "You should go to rest. Thomas, make sure your friend goes back home safe."
Friend. The word hurt, but not more than the meaningless tone of the person who used it. The ginger closed the door slowly. God what did I do ? Please, tell me there is a way to help him. To bring him back ! He felt Thomas drag him to the elevator. But Dan didn't noticed he was crying too.
To be continued
We’re not having fun moments in this story I know.
But Thomas has to deal with the consequences. Dan’s too.
For Raphael’s state, it’s pretty simple: he decided to not feel anything anymore, to avoid further disillusion.
Thanks god Joel is here.