#rapturous speech

[rapturousfolk]

i hate being plagued with the idea we experienced certain traumas, get a flash of someone in our mind, get strange somatic symptoms, yet still have no idea whether we actually experienced it or if our mind is making it up to make us feel more "valid" in being a system. i want to believe it's the latter. i don't want the flashes and underlying suspicion to be true. it's too much.

[rapturousfolk]

one of our most trivially bothersome struggles with dissociation is the fact we pretty much cannot watch fictional media on our own if we want to stay connected to ourself and reality. any tv show or film we watch, if it's by ourself, genuinely captures us too much. suddenly time is lost, i feel unlike myself, the world is warped and we almost feel more real in the reality of what we watch.

even so, it isn't only a tv show/movie phenomenon. story-rich video games? they do the same. we can just manage it easier on most occasions than with the prior. of course games with bland stories, nearly no story, or that has story mostly in the background don't do the same — of course they may invest me, but i don't feel so disconnected, warped, et cetera, due to them.

we're not entirely sure if this is only due to us being highly dissociative. perhaps it has something to do with our psychosis, as well. at times, we have to be hyperaware of the stability of the wall that separates "fiction" from "reality." we're watching a video about a story that presents itself in an ARG, unfiction-like manner? remember, it's not real. remember, it's not real. remember, it's not real. patch the wall up and don't allow reality and fiction to bleed into each other through the cracks.

[rapturousfolk]

one of our smallest gripes with apps like octocon and simplyplural is how there's no way to customize front order (aside from octocons singular 'primary fronter' option) or layout. as a polyfragmented system with front "stacking contexts" it'd just be nice to have more control over that in apps meant to track system activity.

we'll have our current primary fronter(s), moreso passive fronters who seem co-con but are for sure fronting and just choosing not to act on it, "just controlling a body part" (whether inentional or due to ones owns restrictions) fronters, typically co-conscious alters, and "present in the background, definitely conscious lurkers or observers who are there monitoring" & our shell host/the one we call our "force-covert protocol".

it's not necessarily the biggest deal we don't have access to that customization. but it can get stressful when it looks so crowded because alters in different "fronting layers" or at different levels of the stacking context are mixed together. maybe the disorganization messes with our OCD, who knows. not sure it bothers us to the OCD-triggering point, though.

[rapturousfolk]

ugh cleaned some of our room last night

slept for 10 hours and woke up still exhausted with full body muscle pain

so tired of this. i can never clean my room to be rid of all the gargbage because after 2 hours of cleaning with breaks i can't go on for the day. and then not even a day later i'm fucking hurting everywhere and can't think very clearly. which then can take 1-4 days to recover from. so exhausted

[rapturousfolk]

— and each time the dreamer turns over in their sleep,

WE ARE THE RAPTUROUS FOLK. WELCOME TO OUR DOMAIN.

you may call us [the] rapture or [the] rapturous folk. we use it/its and ix/ix or no pronouns. we're a polyfragmented DID system of many. ahuman punk adult. if not masking our speech may be stilted, non-expressive, or generally unusual. our blog focuses on our being a system, however we may delve into our other disabilities. we use we/us more than i/me; the inpersonality of it is comforting.

— the world turns over too, until only flesh remains.

our CDD symbol (&& the simpified version by 1tz-cha0s). byf under the cut. no dni, we block very freely.

(1). against the idea you can form a system without trauma. we also believe “system” should be reserved to those with CDDs. (2). anti-rq and its subsets. (3). anti-transID/transX (excl. transspecies). (4). anti-AI. (5). pro-contradictory/good faith queer labels.

we won't follow minors back if any are to follow us.

landback. mask up (if it's safe for you).