#ravenclawtraash

[ravenclawtraash]

Ravenclaw: [bursts into common toom] ITS OFFICIAL. IM GOING TO DIE!

Hufflepuff: OMG! What happened?

Ravenclaw: I was doing my nightly read-through of WebMD and it said if you have a lump on your forehead, it’s probably a tumor! I HAVE A LUMP!

Slytherin: [putting down homework] Here, let me feel.

Ravenclaw: [holding back tears] Okay.

Slytherin: [feels forehead] Oh no. OH NO, this is not good. I think I can diagnose it, though.

Hufflepuff: [gasps] WHAT?

Ravenclaw: Oh God, it’s a tumor. I knew it. ITS A TUMOR!

Slytherin: No, it’s not a tumor... [feels around more]

Ravenclaw: Then what is it?

Slytherin: [slaps Ravenclaw’s forehead] Yep. It’s definitely a case of bullshit.

[ravenclawtraash]

A List of Dumb Shit That I, a Ravenclaw, Have Said

- “Oh yeah, I need to pick up a new debit card because apparently my other one was ‘compromised’ or something.”

- [out of the blue] “Oh my GOD, I forgot about Texas.”

- “Yeah, of course I have a Pizza Ranch rewards card.”

- “So I was drinking last night and I threw up a lil’ bit but it was really just the foam from the beer so I just keep drinking.”

- “Haha, one time I heard my mom call it Pizza SLUT” [small kid in neighboring vehicle stares]

- [20 minutes into watching a horror movie] “What??? I thought this was a documentary!”

[ravenclawtraash]

Ravenclaw: Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear :)

Hufflepuff: Fuzzy Wuzzy has no hair :D

Ravenclaw: That’s because it’s all been withered away due to lack of proper nutrition due to the rapid and irreversible damage of their natural environments. Climate change affects millions of species and at this rate, many will soon become extinct. In this essay I will—

[ravenclawtraash]

Ravenclaw: [posing for a photo with a very clearly furious and struggling cat] Life isn’t about the destination. It’s about the friends you make along the way.

[ravenclawtraash]

Slytherin: Listen, Ravenclaw. I’m just saying you need to take a step back and examine yourself— you have a questionable taste in men.

Ravenclaw: Perhaps. But I don’t have a questionable taste in butts.

[ravenclawtraash]

Ravenclaw: [pacing back and forth in front of the Great Hall doors, deciding whether or not to go in because their crush is in there]

Crush: [walks out] Oh, hey Ravenclaw!

Ravenclaw: Oh— oh, hey! [turns beet red] How’s it going?

Crush: Pretty good! See you in Transfiguration later.

Ravenclaw: Y-yeah, see you!

[later that night]

[writing in journal]

Ravenclaw: Dear Journal, I guess you can say my crush and I are in love— we’re up to two and a half conversations and