Mar 19, 2014
sometimes things are easy,
sometimes i don't sleep,
sometimes i wonder if my dreams are even valid.
seen from Bangladesh
seen from China
seen from China
seen from China
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Germany
seen from China
seen from Spain
seen from Japan
seen from China
seen from Japan
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Thailand
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Thailand
sometimes things are easy,
sometimes i don't sleep,
sometimes i wonder if my dreams are even valid.
I woke up today thinking about my father, and I end it doing the same. It's 3:20 in the morning. It hurts that this is what is keeping me awake. It hurts to know that for the past 18 years I don't have to memory of waking up to a Christmas with him there. It hurt to know that I live up to others standards. It hurts to want what everyone else has. It just hurts.
It hurts when I get compared to my mother, saying that I look just like her, when I want and have always wanted to be like my father. Recently when I look in the mirror I just stare, hoping to see a glimpse of the other half of me. An inside look into something I've been secretly searching for my whole life. Acceptance from someone I know who doesn't really care that much. It hurts that I care.
I know this doesn't and will not define me - the whole my father not being there - but it just hurts and I think that about it and that is the simplest way to put it.
today i will be grateful, helpful.
My uncle is finally passing. Everyone is freaking out and don't have slightest idea of how to help. Everyone is booking flights and driving into town. People are already planning a funeral.
Today will fade into tomorrow and will never end.
i don’t even remember what it’s like to kiss someone i actually like
Are we still friends? I feel like after Sunday night things got a little too real. Or too much for me, I went to a place I haven't been in years. I don't know how to read the situation.
I went to my interview today and came out with a job.
Today was the start of the beginning the stages of being "independent."
Got my own checking account, but still have a savings account with my parents plan to avoid fees + regulations
Got my own credit card to establish and improve my own credit
Got a job interview for Wednesday
The banker was impressed when she asked me what my plan was. I told her that I was in college, trying to finish early, establish my own credit so i can finance a new-ish reliable car for myself. I am proud of myself. I know I won't be independent for a while, but it feels good.