#rb:future

[arcturusascending]

June 17, 2015

When you have already decided that you are The Worst Human, you can either choose to convince yourself otherwise, telling yourself over and over again that the things you did, the things you feel, aren’t that bad, that others have done worse, thought worse, that there is someone out there, somewhere, who is worse than you. Or you can indulge in it. Fall headfirst into the label and reclaim it for all that it is. You can use it to empower yourself. When all else goes to shit, you need to change your world view, change your actions, adapt to the new mess that is your life.

There is one thing that you can’t do. You can’t do anything to change it. You are already The Worst Human; the things you’ve done dictate that beyond all repair.

I’m not sure how this came to pass. He seems to have wormed his way into my head. And perhaps the worst part of all of this is how little remorse I feel, relatively. How my insides lurch whenever I get a new assignment, or how I feel such intense relief whenever he tells me I’ve done well, so much that the reassurance actually brings physical tears to my eyes sometimes. That feeling, I swear, it’s more powerful than any magic, more addictive than any drug.

I know at this point -- and I will not admit this to anyone, least of all him, and it is hard enough putting it in writing -- that I will do anything he tells me to do. And I will do it gladly and with such force of will that my own sickening loyalty makes me want to just fall down dead and wait for him to revive me.

[arcturusascending]

📱 :D

What ringtone my muse has set for yours:Right now, he just lets it vibrate. While Regulus is by no means a follower of Tom’s yet, he can see how quickly he is rising to influence and power amongst his group and knows that his communications with this man need to be inconspicuous.In the (near) future, when he builds up more trust for Tom, he will eliminate even the vibrate function. A message from Tom needs to be both secretly read and immediately dealt with. He will enchant his phone to `push’ messages from Tom to the Mark he has branded on his arm, sending a mild buzz akin to an electric shock that alerts him to drop all he is doing and attend to the orders.

What contact photo my muse has set for yours:None. In fact, even his contact name is not set to Tom. It’s set to “Work” (which is distinguished from his actual work’s number, at the Department of International Magical Cooperation, which is just saved as “Ministry”).

What my muse thinks of the way yours texts:Straightforward and short – which is exactly what he would have expected, but it is still unnerving.

How quickly my muse responds to your texts:Immediately, although usually with something just as short and simple to acknowledge that he received the text.

How often our muses text:Infrequently.

How often our muses call:Upon his first assignment from Tom, Regulus made the mistake of calling the man anxiously and often whenever he had a clarification question about how the job was to be done. He learned from that mistake quickly.

Does my muse purposefully miss calls from yours:Right now, he would probably purposefully miss a few calls from Tom, underestimating their importance. The man is terrifying, and intimidating, and his assignments constitutes things that Regulus doesn’t always want to do. He deals with this the same way he deals with other sources of anxiety: by ignoring it until he is more mentally stable.In the (near) future, if he ever were to receive an actual call, he would never miss it.

Last text sent from my muse to yours:“Thank you. – R.A.B.”