An excerpt from today’s episode of ELIZA: the “Oh! I have DID?” season…
My plan was to come back to Tumblr, but really let « Éliza » come back, really (as herself, so to speak), thus my new francophone Tumblr I created yesterday.
And then…
Today, I (think?) I was basically “told” about how we…actually I’m still not sure how to say it quite yet, I guess…
What I know, is that I was brought to re-contextualise a part of one of my fanfic stories (LSAYA, or in full, “Loving Someone as You Are”). A specific section, but really the section shows a way I discussed a theme (a dynamic between 2 characters too, really) which I’m now thinking/realising(?) was 100% due to who I/we even am/are, as opposed to just some sort of “oh, wouldn’t it be interesting to write of these characters this way?”
Here’s the section that I was brought to re-contextualise:
Sam awoke the next morning and knew – felt – immediately that something was off. She needed to get ready for work, but she also wanted to get to the bottom of what this feeling was. She began laying out her clothes and otherwise getting ready when a thought occurred to her… She brought a couple fingers to her lips, holding them in place on her lips for a few moments, before bringing them to her nose to smell. What she smelled, well, it definitely wasn’t her and it wasn’t even Liv…she thought for but a second more over what this could mean, before she quickly sat down and stormed into her and Reign’s shared mindscape, with such ferocity, the place seemed to shake. As soon as she found Reign, Reign began pleading with Sam. “Samantha, please calm down! You’ll make the place collapse!” “No. Now you listen here, Rei! I told you, you could date under one condition! I would ask if you remembered it except after last night you obviously don’t!” Reign’s expression turned forlorn at that, as she finally clued into what all this was about. “Oh.” “Yeah, ‘oh.’” Sam paused before continuing on.“Look, we’ve had our issues, but I thought we’d basically figured out this whole sharing a body thing. But this is not going to work if you pull things like this! It’s weird enough that I’m with Liv and you’re with Iggy and yet you and I share a body, but I can move past that as long as you don’t force me to feel it each time you’re intimate with her! At this point, Reign was beginning to curl inward some.“Look, Samantha. I’m sorry. We did get a bit carried away. I’m sorry. I really didn’t even know we were going to kiss as we did. I know – I should have cleaned up when we got home. I’m sorry.” She said all this while her breathing began to get heavier and heavier. While Reign spoke, Sam was calming down, and recognised the effect of her yelling on her mindmate. She sighed and moved towards Reign. “Sorry, Rei. I didn’t mean to get so loud and angry. This is just…I don’t know a whole new dimension for us to navigate that we haven’t really had to yet…Truth be told,” she looked up sadly at Reign, “it kind of brings up scary feelings about not feeling like I have control over my own body, that I haven’t really had since I first learned of your presence.”
The “thing” that was happening to me that triggered this re-contextualisation was that while Éliza was fronting it became clear that the water glass we had been drinking from would do no longer.
At this point we have now switched to our Dalek mug and it’s much better.
I began trying to see if others have had such a “thing”/un truc happen with their various alters too, and found some folks talking about different alters having different tastes food-wise (spicy/not spicy, for example) which actually happened today too, as it seems now that Éliza doesn’t like (at all, it really seems, too) the oatmeal I used to eat quite often and had for breakfast today, too.
But the water “thing” seems separate, maybe…?
Any others with DID have any thoughts on any of this?