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Saw an ask of yours about your feelings on Bryce (spot on btw) and it seemed like you had some thoughts on Aelin as well? I'm so curious what you think of her, but feel free to ignore this if you think it'll cause drama for you ❤️

I've been ignoring my asks all week, I feel so bad.

I actually don't have a huge problem with Aelin like I do with Bryce. Aelin is the typical SJM heroine/hero. She skews solidly towards the middle in terms of morals, is so secretive you have to wonder why she bothers to have friends at all, and is deeply judgmental of everyone around her because the narrative wants the heroine to be the standard of goodness even when her actions are ugly.

So like, when Aelin decides she's going to self-sacrifice and Lysandra will pretend to be her and have children with Aedion but pass them off as Rowans. That's a conversation she ought to have included Aedion and Rowan in but she doesn't, because it's insane both narratively and just...practically. And when Rowan and Aedion are pissed- ESPECIALLY Aedion who rightfully feels used and reacts angrily, the narrative and the fans frame his reaction as an extreme overreaction. Aelin decided and Aelin is the arbiter of what is right/wrong.

This isn't really a problem with Aelin but a larger issue with SJM and how she writes. She creates worlds with rules but bends them to suit her protags because she doesn't want let them truly be flawed or messy. Feyre and Rhys are villains to a lot of Prythian and the story would be more interesting if SJM let people just hate them according to her rules that she put in her story. Same with Aelin and same with Bryce.

Unlike pick-me-not-like-other-girls-just-one-of-the-guys Bryce, Aelin at least is allowed to grow and move. Lysandra and Aelin are always pitted against each other and Aelin doesn't like her until she realizes Lysandra was abused just like her and they hate each other for no good reason. She has internalized a lot of her own failures and learns how to forgive herself for things outside of her control.

I also think SJM is just...too busy telling us Aelin is the best when the narrative suggests Aelin is only okay. She's not a great assassin. Like just full stop Aelin is brash and flashy and always causing loud problems that get her and the people around her hurt. SJM should have just made her a regular assassin who is also a teenager. That would have still been a really good story. Making her THE BEST makes me wonder what kind of shit show everyone else is. Like is it just a certificate they hand out after a self-paced 1 hour course online? Who is the arbiter of best assassin ever?

#anyway im pretty okay about aelin #its rowan im like #stay away from her #that girl is a CHILD #i know shes an adult technically #but he was such an asshole in his first appearances that i have always side eyed him #do i forgive?#i guess #did i forget?#no #i did see a really hot fan art of him that made me like him a little though #if you were wondering how im picking favrs

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Topic: consumer evaluation of food quality. Do the consumers take the environmental aspect into account?

I. Introduction

Since the 1970s, the culture of consumption has shifted from producer-central to consumer-central. Consumers no longer decide to buy a product solely due to its availability. They consider different aspects related to the product before a decision. These aspects reflect consumers' attitudes and worldviews, which are influenced by societal perception and behaviors at a time. As such, producers need to understand consumers' demands to stay in the business. In the present, climate change starts to impacts consumers daily life. Accordingly, people's perceptions about environmental impact of food and food production are prone to change. Therefore, to know if the environmental aspect is part of consumer evaluation of food quality is inevitable concerns for food producers or food policymakers to be relevant in the future. In this essay, reports and literature will be reviewed to discuss the raising concern, focusing on the European region.

II. Literature Review

To begin with, Wikstrom et al addresses the mismatch between values assigned to a product by consumers and producers through modernity frameworks1. In which, producer's assignments are based on the belief that social progress is important and dependent on science and technology advancement. This belief is inevitable to resolve societal issues in the past. In the food industry, when food security was not concrete, mass production is expected. Nevertheless, producers rely on their know-how and deliver refined food of longer shelf-life with the idea that consumption of food is for nutrition. Accordingly, consumers were left with less choice. They then purchase due to the availability of products in the market with the assumption that food quality is predetermined.

However, as time changes, previous societal issues are no longer relevant, sharing space and time for a new problem to arise. In which, customers recognize that they are not merely consumers, they also create their images and increasingly strive to feel good through trading activities. The change in consumer perception and behaviors happens gradually overdecades and eventually impacts all industries. For example, consumers' confidence in science and technology imposes a contradiction to GMO and addictives usage in food production while striving for the product with natural and organic origins. This example alone causes producers to be more transparent or even change their production routines. Nevertheless, policymakers also need to apply new regulations to fulfill the needs of the population. Understanding this shift in the culture of consumption is more important than ever for the food business to stay relevant in the present time. Moreover, understanding the exact demands of consumers from the product might help food producers move forward with potential profits.

Consumers' demands become quality evaluation factors before they buy food products. The number of and the extent of these demands differs from time to place. These demands are influenced by societal changes around consumers universally and locally. An excerpt from European Commission Public Opinion Reports in 2010 presents common trends in European consumers' needs in the last decades2. Consumers' needs were evaluated and positioned fresh and tasty food with implication on pleasure by consumption to nutritional needs as the priority. It was followed by affordable prices, and safety. After ten years, the ranking for European consumers' future needs remains the same in their 2020 report3.However, a new expectation for future food products appears, which is "impact on the environment and climate". This expectation from European consumers is reasonable because climate change has a profound yet negative impact on their life across the region. The expectation is further amplified by an increasing number of internet content based on present food production culture presenting the unbecoming future. Consumers are not only urged to change their consumption behavior but also demand food producers react before the unfavorable future arrives. Hereby, public concerns are partly resolved by the directions given by United Nations in their Sustainable Development Goals 2030 and implemented by governments.

To evaluate if consumer's demand for environmental aspects is more truthful than just survey results, Wikstrom works were reconsidered. The study discusses that new consumers' demands can initiate the re-organization of traditional food producers or the birth of new producers to fulfill those needs1. In the food industry, where rising demands of less environmental impacts from traditional production are becoming popular, an alternative to traditional foods is created. Oatly and Impossible Foods are two companies selling traditional food alternatives that are gaining notable success in recent years. In which, Impossible Food was founded in 2011 stating its aim is to give people the taste and nutritional benefits of meat without the negative health and environmental impacts associated with livestock products. This statement aims directly at public concerns found in the listed surveys. After nearly ten years of development, their value is estimated to be 10 billion $ in 2021 and still accelerate their international growth. On top of this, Oatly shares a similar idea to Impossible Food but in a different context. They are founded early in the 1990s and starts to gain recognition and success in the last decades. To recap their exponential growth, even during the Covid-19 pandemic, Oatly's North American President Mike Messersmith said that a big part of their success derived from consumer preferences evolving toward sustainability and health4.

III. Discussion and comments

From the above, it would seem that the environmental aspect in food and food production is gaining more recognition from the public. Consequently, it would become the determining factor before a consumer purchases food products in the future. However, it could be claimed that the argument is based on the modernity frameworks - which is originated from the West and not suitable to adapt to the rest. Modernity and postmodernity ideologies took place within the advanced capitalist and postindustrial computerized societies5. Since different countries have different political beliefs and development conditions, we can not apply directly the study framework from one country to another. In this case, as all European countries are developed, the argument can be oversimplified as societal trends in consumption and production from developed countries is inapplicable to developing countries. For example, in Vietnam, people tend to go to a nearby market to shop for food products supplied directly by farmers instead of going to the supermarket like European consumers. In this case, if we apply the modernity framework as reasoning above, consumers' demands are met but to a very different extent. The "local" values in developed countries are derived as opposed to mass production caused by their negative impact. However, "local" values in developing countries like Vietnam are derived from tradition, convenience, and affordable prices. Moreover, as if the "local" factor in consumers' evaluation is achieved, the food safety and quality are not usually predetermined. It is because farmers don't need to have any certifications to sell their products in the local marketplace.

Though consumption behaviors are different in developing countries, environmental aspects in food product evaluation still exist but to a different extent than in developed countries. Both share similar origins from customer's perception transformation due to environmental changes in their local and global surroundings. These changes can be amplified both physically by governmental policies and virtually by internet campaigns, influences. However, perception transformations do not necessarily correlate with transformation in consumption behaviors. As mentioned earlier, the alternative to traditional food is one of the direct approaches to resolve environmental impacts by food production. However, this approach requires not only large capital investment but also advanced science and technology - which are both not readily available in developing countries. As such, even though there is a demanding market and the needs of society are undeniable, consumption behaviors cannot change without the possibilities provided by developing science. Some might argue that developing might import environmental-friendly food products from developed countries to fulfill the tangible needs. I would say that action only satisfies the guilty of wealthy consumers while ignoring the environmental impact of transportation in their calculations.

IV. Conclusion

To conclude, there is an uprising trend in the culture of consumption that environmental aspects are considered upon purchase of food products. This trend is inevitable due to the profound effects of climate change and international and governmental attempts to promote, especially in developed countries, such as European regions. Though there are also changes in the perception of consumers in developing, consumption behaviors there are not yet transformed mainly due to the possibilities provided by developing science to make affordable products for the population.

V. References

1. Wikström S, Jönsson H, Decosta PL. A clash of modernities: Developing a new value-based framework to understand the mismatch between production and consumption. J Consum Cult. 2016;16(3):824-851. doi:10.1177/1469540514528197

2. Eurobarometer 389. European’s Attitudes Towards Food Security, Food Quality and the Country Side. Published online 2010.

3. Eurobarometer 505. Making our food fit for the future – Citizens’ expectations.pdf. Published online 2020.

4. How Oatly accelerated growth during the pandemic. 2020. https://www.fooddive.com/news/how-oatly-accelerated-growth-during-the-pandemic/589004/.

5. Radhakrishnan R, ed. Theory in an Uneven World. Blackwell Publishing Ltd; 2003. doi:10.1002/9780470775660

Basic Dog Commands - Training a Puppy

All things in life need to grow and develop. This applies to our relationships as well. This also applies to our relationships with our dogs. Whether you just got your furry best friend and want to plant the seeds of a harmonious long-term friendship, or you have been living together for a while, and want to take your relationship to the next level, we all need guidance sometimes. And just like you would go to a specialist if you wanted more out of your relationship with your partner, you would go to a... dog training school if you needed to work on your relationship with your dog.

The question is, how do you find a good specialist? Now, if you were just feeling under the weather, you would probably go to a general practitioner. But what if you had a toothache? I bet you would go to a dentist instead! Same with dog training. First, you need to decide whether you want to work on general obedience, aggression, separation anxiety, or maybe you want to take on therapy dog training or a protection dog training course. And then you got to read on because we created a list of local hidden gems in San Diego area that specialize in exactly the kind of dog training classes you want!

Now, what types of dog training schools are we going to look at exactly?

Dog Obedience Training

Aggressive Dog Training

Protection Dog Training or Guard Dog Training

Behavior Modification Dog Training - Dog Separation Anxiety Training

Therapy Dog Training

Service Dog Training

We will also take a look at such training types as a dog training camp, group classes, in home dog training and online dog training.

All of these gems have 5-star ratings on Yelp, tons of happy clients and they are local, oftentimes family-owned businesses, so you can make great friends among your neighbors while doing some training as well!

First things first, there are plenty of options out there in regards to dog training. How do you know which one is good for you? Here are 6 tips.

6 Tips For Picking the Right Dog Training School

1. Know That the Dog Training Industry is Unregulated

That means that virtually anyone could call him or herself a trainer, sadly. However, there are certifications and organizations that can help you identify those who actually have the right designations and experience. Always check to see if the trainer has some of the following certifications: The Association of Professional Dog Trainers (APDT), The Academy for Dog Trainers (ADT), the Certification Council for Professional Dog Trainers (CPDT KA), the Karen Pryor Academy for Animal Training & Behavior (KPAATB), or the International Association of Animal Behavior Consultants. Being the primary educational organization for trainers, APDT has a very useful resource called Trainer Search that allows you to find trainers in your area based on your city or zip code. Great tool! Note that if a trainer is certified by the APDT it does not necessarily imply that he or she uses a specific training method, which brings us to the next tip.

2. Know the Training Methods Used

Now, all trainers have different training methods, but here are a few basic things that would help you swim confidently in the sea of trainer jargon. There are currently 4 basic methods of training that stem from behavioral psychology: positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, positive punishment and negative punishment. Now, the words positive and negative aren't representing the concept of "good and evil" here, they function more like they would in math, with positive meaning addition and negative meaning subtraction of something. It will become clearer in a second.

Positive Reinforcement

This is the most popular method today, and, sure enough, you are all familiar with it. Positive reinforcement has, at its core, rewarding a dog for desired behavior usually with a treat, a toy or play time, depending on what motivates your dog the most. The trick is to pick the right timing: just as your dog does the desired behavior, reward him or her right away, and supplement the treat with a high-pitched "good dog", to make sure your pet realizes how pleased you are with this behavior. See how a treat is added here? This is the positive part, the addition.

Negative Reinforcement

This technique involves taking something unpleasant away to reinforce the desired behavior. That is how electric fences work, for example. When a dog gets too close to the perimeter, it gets a shock, but the shock disappears the moment the dog moves away from the boundary. This way, the dog learns to stay away from the perimeter. See the subtraction here - the unpleasant sensations are taken away to reinforce a behavior, this is negative reinforcement.

Positive Punishment

With punishment techniques, the trainer is trying to make a particular behavior happen less often. With positive punishment, the trainer adds some unpleasant stimuli to discourage a behavior. With excessive barking, for example, a trainer can add a spray bark collar to the training, so that every time a dog barks, it gets sprayed. The dog will associate nuisance barking with being sprayed, and this will discourage him or her from barking all night long again. Did you see how with this technique a trainer would add (=positive) something to discourage a behavior (=punishment).

Negative Punishment

This technique implies taking something away (=negative) in order to discourage a behavior (=punishment). A good example would be if a trainer turns away from a dog that is jumping on him or other people to get attention. He takes the attention away from the dog to discourage undesired behavior. This method is often used together with positive reinforcement to reduce the unwanted behavior and reinforce the desired behavior.

Ah, that was quite a bit of information, right? Did it become somewhat clearer what the different training methods do? Great. There is still much debate around the best training methods in the trainers' world, but what you choose remains up to you.

Now that you've learnt more about the behavioral psychology, do you start seeing some similarities between how we train dogs and how the government trains us? On to the next tip.

3. Choose the Training Type

Group Classes, Boot Camps, In House Training or even Skype chats - there is every type of dog training you might need under the sun. Consider the benefits and drawbacks. With in house dog training the obvious advantage is that you will get more personal attention. If your dog has some socialization issues, in home training won't be as effective as group dog training classes, where both you and your fido can learn to be around other dogs and work around so many tempting distractions. If you want your dog to get the experience of a full immersion, then a dog training camp will be the best option. Whereas, if your budget is tight, online dog training might be the solution you are looking for. Deciding on the type of training you need will make the task of finding a good dog training school way easier.

4. Watch a Class Before You Sign Up

Once you picked a class or a training school, take some time to come to one of the training sessions and just observe. Pay attention to the following:

How big is the class size and whether you will be getting enough attention,

If puppies and adult dogs are trained separately,

How many levels do the classes have (basic, intermediate, advanced),

How the trainer interacts with the dogs,

How dogs react to the training,

Whether everyone seems to be having fun and enjoying the process.

If you ticked all the checkboxes here, and are comfortable with the environment, you have found a good candidate.

5. Don't Forget About Vaccinations

Safety first! Make sure your dog is properly vaccinated before you start any dog training and get the green light from your vet. Next, ensure that the training school requires every dog to be vaccinated and is asking for a proof. This way you can rest assured that the safety aspect of your training is covered.

6. Ask About the Follow Up

Now, what happens after you have completed the course? Do you get a lifetime membership and can come any time for future "tune ups", or are follow up visits limited? Maybe there are no follow up visits in case a problem does arise. Make sure to ask the school or the trainer about what happens once you are done with their program.

Great, you are all set for the dog training school of your dreams. Now, we are introducing you to the 10 hidden gem schools with 5-star Yelp ratings that specialize in the type of dog training you are looking for. Go ahead and find the one for you!

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW DOG FOOD SECRET; CLICK HERE

Top 10 Dog Training School Hidden Gems

Let's start with puppy training. The best time to start training is when your pooch is between 3 and 14 weeks old, it doesn't mean that your pup doesn't learn well afterwards, but it is just the juiciest time when he or she absorbs new tricks like a sponge, so take advantage of that if you can! The next stage at which pet owners often need assistance is the 6 months mark, when pups transition into adolescence, and this time is much like the teenage years we've all been through - rough. Puppy training to the rescue!

1. Woofingham Palace - Puppy Training

Woofingham Palace is our 5-star hidden gem for specialized puppy socialization and puppy training in San Diego. It is a family-owned business run by Samantha & Jon Mears, who both immigrated from London 11 years ago. Hence, the name of their dog training school. Samantha Mears is a certified professional dog trainer, who passed her CPDT KA (Certification Council for Professional Dog Trainlines) exam with distinction. Samantha has worked with dogs every day for over 10 years. She is also a Member of the Association of Pet Dog Trainers (APDT) and is a qualified Canine Good Citizen Evaluator and a member of the Pet Professional Guild (PPG).

Woofingham Palace offers plenty of different puppy training options for you and your pooch all held within a fenced training area in the shade of large sails. The classes are small, so you will get that individual attention. This dog training school puts lots of emphasis on puppy socialization, and notes that pups who have been socialized young tend to show less behavior problems in the future than those pups who haven't. The prices for group puppy training classes vary from over $100 to over $300, so you have plenty of options.

2. Total K9 Training - K9 Dog Training/ Dog Obedience Training

Now, an all 5-star hidden gem for dog obedience training in San Diego is Total K9 Dog Training. Its trainer, Shannon, is a Member of the International Association of Canine Professionals (IACP), member of APDT (Association of Pet Dog Trainers), and is CPDT Certified. She also holds a BA in Psychology and started training animals in 1991 at Sea World. Total K9 Dog Training offers a range of classes, but specializes in dog obedience training, both beginner and advanced.

Total K9 Dog Training teaches the owners how to become good leaders for their dogs without using any intimidation or domination techniques. They focus on building the trust and communication that would allow the dog to follow the owner... even when he or she doesn't have that tasty food handy. Shannon puts a lot of emphasis of training the whole family on how to work with their dog, as this strengthens the bond between all the family members and ensures that everything a dog learns at school will be further reinforced at home. The prices of classes vary, but the general range is between $100 and $165 for group classes.

Total K9 Dog Training serves the areas of San Diego: Escondido, 4S Ranch, Del Sur, Santa Luz, Rancho Bernardo, Poway, Sabre Springs, Rancho Penasquitos, Scripps Ranch.

3. Think Pawsitive Dog Training - Service Dog Training and Therapy Dog Training

Interested in Therapy Dog Training/Service Dog Training? A service or therapy dog certification requires you to take a number of steps along the way. Think Pawsitive dog training school can help you throughout the process. Its founder, Vanessa Melrose, is a member of APDT (Association of Pet Dog Trainers), certified by ABCDT (ABC Dog Trainer) and KPA CTP (Karen Pryor Academy Certified Training Partner). She has been working with dogs since 2003.

What Think Pawsitive offers in terms of service dog training and therapy dog training: it offers to help you with the entire process, from basic training to preparing and passing the CGC Certification and Therapy Pet Certification, which you must get in order for your dog to become an official service/therapy dog. To start the program, your dog doesn't need to be a specific size or breed, it needs to have a calm, friendly temperament. You know, a therapy dog - boy, that patience! Therapy Dog Evaluations are $30, and Think Pawsitive offers extended discounts for referrals or recently adopted pets, so you can email Vanessa directly to learn more about the program and the pricing.

4. Behave! - Aggressive Dog Training

Behave! - another hidden gem that specializes in aggressive dog training in San Diego. Its founder, Alexandra Gant, graduated from ACBDT animal behavior college, and since 2012 has been working with "unworkable" or "last chance" dogs who are on the verge of being euthanized or re-homed due to aggression issues. Alex focuses on teaching owners in need of dog aggression training how to train the dog by themselves, without relying on professional help. Behave! trainers are knowledgeable about the different forms of aggression and believe that aggression is a symptom of a much deeper problem, so they focus on fixing the problem, rather than just the symptoms.

Behave! realizes that dog aggression training is a big commitment, so it encourages all owners who work with them to consider packages instead of sessions. The classes are $80-$125 Per Session, and they currently offer a 10% package discount.

5. American Canine Training - Dog Protection Training

So you were looking for guard dog training in San Diego? We found a hidden gem for that too, all 5 stars - American Canine Training. Chris Moredock is the head trainer, certified by APDT (Association of Pet Dog Trainers) and the Pro-train institute of California.

American Canine Training has a number of different options when it comes to dog protection training. You can choose Security Alert Training, which will teach your dog to watch out for strangers and warn you should they be up to something spooky. It will also teach your dog to stop aggressive responses on your command. Or you could go for a Personal Protection Training (on and off leash), which will teach the dog to protect his or her humans and property, learn "attack" and "release" commands, etc. There you go, you are on your way to getting that cool police-style dog you've always wanted.

6. Legends Dog Training - Behavior Modification Dog Training/Dog Separation Anxiety Training

If your pooch needs some professional behavior modification training, this is your local 5-star professional dog behaviorist - Legends Dog Training School. They specialize in dog separation anxiety training, training for dogs with impulsivity issues, fearful response to other dogs and many other behavioral problems.

Alyssa Rose (Lapinel), the founder of Legends, is a CPDT-KA certified Canine Training and Behavior Specialist with 15 years of experience in the area of behavioral studies. She is also certified by the Council for Professional Dog Trainers, and by Triple Crown Dog Training Academy. Alyssa is an AKC Citizen Evaluator, and a Professional Member of The Association of Pet Dog Trainers (APDT). She applied her degree in Phycology to work with children and adults diagnosed with serious disorders such as schizophrenia, autism and bipolar disorder, and later used this experience to start working with animals. Alyssa designs behavior modification dog training programs that address the root cause of a behavioral problem and provide a systematic framework for improving communication and strengthening the bond between the dog and his/her owner.

One consultation costs $150, but it is included if you decide to pursue a training package with 5 classes for $575. Mind you, different options are available, so check Legends website and see their contact info below to learn more.

7. Pawtopia - Dog Agility Training

You have sure enough heard about this dog training school - Pawtopia. But did you know that they had a specialized dog agility training class? Yep, this one also made it to our hidden gems list. Its founder, Colleen Demling, is an accredited trainer with 16 years of experience. She is an AKC Canine Good Citizen Evaluator, is accredited by the CBCC-KA and CPDT-KA, as well as IABBC. Colleen also designed the Temperament Test for the Naval Medical Center's Therapy Dog Program here at San Diego. Colleen is actively involved in many professional organizations, including the International Association of Canine Professionals, the Association of Pet Dog Trainers, and the Animal Behavior Management Alliance.

"Fun with Agility!" is the class Pawtopia offers for dogs of all levels of training, so don't look away if you are not interested in competing - this is dog agility training class for all those who just want to have fun, run through tunnels and jump through hoops, no pressure! The price is $170, and you can learn more on the Pawtopia website.

8. Devotion to Dogs - In Home Dog Training

For those of you looking for in home dog training, Ben of Devotion to Dogs offers just that, and takes a place in our list of hidden San Diego gems. Ben is a graduate of Northridge Animal Behavior College, is AKC certified, and is a member of IACP. Ben has been a dog trainer for 15 years, and trained dogs with a variety of behavioral issues. He also works with local rescues and believes that every dog can be trained and successfully rehabilitated. His specialty is in home dog training: a personal, one on one type of training that allows him to assess the environment and find the right solution. And allows you to save time on commute of course.

Devotion to Dogs offers a variety of packages. The starting package includes a 2-4 hour in home session as well as a 1 hour follow up session, which goes for $500.

9. Tully's Training - Online Dog Training

If you need some flexibility or are on a budget, Tully's Training offers not only private in home training and group classes, but also basic obedience positive-reinforcement online dog training - via Skype.

Tully's Training team is comprised of trainers with experience in exotic, domestic, and marine mammal training, which allows it to look at animal behavior from different angles. One of their most titled trainers is Meghan McLeod, who reportedly trained with a number of well-recognized behaviorists such as Karen Pryer and Dr. Ian Dunbar. Meghan is also a certified CGC evaluator. Check out Tully's team of trainers with a whole spectrum of different backgrounds here.

According to Tully's, online dog training has been working great for them and their clients, as they are able to get that same individual, one on one session that you would get in person for a fraction of the cost. So, if online dog training suits your needs, this is the school for you. Training packages are highly customizable.

10. Specialty Dog Training - Dog Training Camp San Diego

Were you looking for a dog training camp in San Diego? Then this is the place for you - Specialty Dog Training. It is a family-owned dog training school founded by Graham Bloem, a professional dog trainer with 17+ years of experience and a recipient of numerous awards, including American Red Cross Real Heroes Award and the Honeywell Life Safety Award presented by Larry King himself. Graham's team consists of a number of seasoned professionals that together have accumulated numerous accreditations, including certificates by IACP, APDT (Association of Pet Dog Trainers), NADOI, ABSCDT and others. Graham and his wife, Kyrie, also actively support nonprofits, shelters and rescue organizations.

Specialty Dog Training focuses on using positive reinforcement and discipline in their training. Their dog training camp, i.e. in-kennel training, dog board and train or a boot camp is a structured environment where your dog will be taught all the obedience basics he or she needs to be a great companion. Being away from the usual environment is a good opportunity for your dog to "reset", while the trainers can work on his/her behavioral issues in a controlled environment.

Specialty Dog Training offers plenty of packages, they also have a Boot Camp Special for the month of March, with 25% off all dog training camps. The price varies between $1575 (with the discount) for a 2-week program with 2 private sessions, to $5400 for an 8-week program with 2 private lessons.

Read this:-

Revealed at last by one of America's top professional dog trainers, a simple training strategy that…Develops your Dog's "Hidden Intelligence" To eliminate bad behavior and Create the obedient, well-behaved pet of your dreams…

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Life Story Part 64

Jumping between living at my father's and my mother's was a challenge. My father had this false sense of promise to get me on track, but what he really seemed more interested in was using my vulnerable and helpless situation to make me feel like a mooch. This isn't to say that he was not charitable in most regards. I never was made to feel like I had to pay for anything I used, water or food. My father liked/likes feeling needed – it gave him some kind of control over me. I didn't have a social security card so I couldn't work. I didn't have a license or the knowledge of how to drive, so I couldn't leave myself to go get those things. I was becoming more and more reclusive. I think all in all, he actually wanted me there forever. It just came to him occasionally that he felt that something was wrong with me being there. Rather than see his own involvement, he would blame me.

I think I read the driver's ed manual about ten times. My father promised he would teach me to drive, and then I would go get the permit and he would never take me out to drive at all. So I would go back, reread the damn manual, go take the test only to let it sit and expire again. It never went anywhere. I soon realized it never would go anywhere, and I gave up. Sometimes, when I woke up in the morning, my father would just start yelling at me about how I needed to grow the fuck up and get a job. I tried to explain that I needed things to go get a job I needed a license to leave Kendrick, I needed the SS Card, a Birth Certificate. Those things had been lost. He would rant about how I didn't seem like I a was living in the real world. I wasn't enough like him I guess. He was in this strange unstable place between being proud and angered by my interest in philosophy and my novels. I seemed very malleable on the surface. I tried to give every indication of believing and accepting what people said. My thoughts about everything where very complicated, but I instinctively tried to play myself off as being painfully simple. It angered him on some personal level because he had now worked at ATK for almost thirty years. He had given up his dreams to become a factory worker. He suffered repeated disappointments with women online. He went from being in love to high levels of resentment. He was aging. He hadn't dealt with any of the bad things that had happened. He was becoming more and more unstable. He knew me well enough to know that I was actually looking for a reason to live. And he had forsaken that a long time ago.

Of course I would have attempted to find work in Kendrick, but people in the town thought I was a heroin addict and I still needed the identity stuff to get a job anywhere. There really was no more than about four or five places to work anyway. Then, Carol, Sarah's mom – who must have felt some need to look out for me found an opening for me to make some money. The bike path that had replaced the old railroad tracks that Rachelle and I used to play on as kids had trees growing besides the trail. The city had decided to appoint some of the city council to a subdivision called the Tree Committee. Carol was part of the city council in some fashion, or was at least politically active in the town, for whatever that was worth, and she was given the role of mulching trees, and keeping the trail and areas around the crick clean. She was busy painting or remodeling someone's home up in the hills, so she instead offered me the job. It would pay 10 dollars an hour, and they had a set number of hours they wanted me to work over the course of the next two months. That was how much their budget would allow. It was warming up again – around March. I stood to earn about 1200 dollars by doing this work. What's more, I could set my own hours, though it seemed kind of necessary to get up early and go down.

I would often go down there, wielding my pruning sheers, my gloves, a small shovel and a hoe. The sky was always elegant in the morning, the temperature was perfect. Birds and trees were shaded differently, and the landscape looked surreal. It was very peaceful work. The job required me to do various tasks. I had to learn from scratch how to build these sort of rock domes that would shade these little trees that had been planted that year. The seeds were sourced from some great trees from Vermont, from what I remember. In fifty more years, I am sure they will be lovely. I grew protective and proud of the little guys. I made sure no weeds built up around them or choked them out. Generally I would do this in the morning before the sun took over. I tried to be done by one in the afternoon, since it eventually became too hot. I would watch the school buses and sometimes my own former classmates, going on to complete their last year of senior year.

Once, Samantha and her new boyfriend, Kyle's little brother Daryl, who was three years younger than us (I thought this coupling bizarre) went down to the bike path area where I was working in order to have a smoke. Sam saw me out there hands deep in dirt. I must have looked a bit ragged. Honestly, though, I didn't feel all that badly. I loved being away from people outside in the morning. I hated waking up of course, but I really did love being out in nature. I enjoyed seeing bear tracks and sometimes even seeing a beaver out there by the water. I felt like I was the free one when I watched all these people I used to recognize or know heading off to the school. There was nothing shameful about what I was doing. I was making money for once. Samantha saw me, and she seemed to look down on me and my work. Later, she talked to Sarah-Mae and told her that she had seen me in a pitiful state working on the bike path, and she had felt bad for me. I laughed. It was such an arrogant assumption to make. It was so basic to judge me for working, or thinking that dirty work was somehow bad.

Mostly out there I would zone out and listen to music in my head. I didn't have an MP3 at the time of course. I think they existed by that time, but it was rather expensive ( especially for me) and I probably didn't even fully understand that MP3 players existed. So I just learned to really internalize music in my mind. I listened to a lot of Billy Bragg. I only knew about three or four songs and I would listen to them intently in my head each morning I went out to work. That, and David Bowie's early album Space Oddity. It really was a nice little summer job overall. Once or twice, I had to go to the city hall and sit through boring discussions on budgeting for city maintenance in the evening. They were god awful boring. Carol seemed to share my sentiments.

I saved up all the money I made, and put it away. I planned to visit with Sarah in Texas with it. Though I didn't quite know when. Then, Sarah told me about how she and Alex had saved up enough to buy tickets to go to the Austin City Limits Festival in Texas in September. The 2007 lineup included The White Stripes and Bob Dylan. I had missed my opportunity to see the White Stripes a few years before, and seeing Bob Dylan obviously would be a dream come true for me. I had to see this guy who's music and thoughts were so integral to my own existence. It was hard for me to even fully believe he was just a person at the time. So I didn't spend a dime of that money. I had just enough to live on for three weeks in Texas, and I planned on visiting in the late summer. Sarah decided she would come visit Idaho for a week and we would take the plane together back to Texas. It was something I could look forward to. I needed to be around someone who actually cared about me as a human being.

There was one day, out working a little later in the evening than I had wanted to (I had taken too many days off), where I ended up getting into somewhat of an accident. Besides keeping the little trees along the path growing happy, I also had a job of cutting dead branches from some of the bigger trees and bushes by the crick, and seeing to it that areas where people liked to make trails to the water itself were kept safe. It was a way to avoid accidents from people who might trip or get hurt. I was having troubles getting to this one tree, so I had to get past these boulders that sloped down into the other side of that tree near the water (kind of hard to explain). I started down the slope, and one of the rocks let loose, and I ended up falling down the hill a ways. I stopped at one point, only to fall again. For the most part it ended up that I was okay. My head was okay, there were no broken bones. But my pinky finger really hurt, and I looked down and realized that there was blood gushing from the side of it. The blood was rolling down my arm and dripping off my elbow. I laid there in shock for a moment, and then realized that there was a snake about a foot away from me. I turned around and there was another one, and another and another. I counted about eighteen snakes all around me. Some of them looked like rattlers. I somehow had managed not to scare them away. For that moment there was a very strange aura of awareness. Snake awareness is very alien to me. They have a strange vibe about them. I mean, I like snakes, but I will never understand them at all. I was worried about getting bit. Many of these snakes were sizable. Thankfully they let me pass and get back on the bike path. I ran home and wrapped my finger, calling it good for the day.

I poured all of my psychological emotion into getting to Texas. It was something to live for, and something to look forward to. I missed Sarah so much. As I worked, I thought a lot of about classism. It was beginning to dawn on me more clearly that not everything about how my life went was freely controlled by the consequences of my own actions. I mean this not to shuttle the blame or my own personal faults away from myself. Obviously the way I reacted to life was part of my own personal set up exclusionary from what came within. But a great deal of the consequences of my life seemed more set by those who had power. Not intentionally. I didn't believe there was anyone who was actively trying to destroy me (save my parents perhaps). What I mean is that there were opportunities and attitudes I had grown accustomed to based on the fact that I was part of the lower working class. And since I didn't really meld well with the lower class, I felt at odds with what was in front of me. Most people from my sort of background would be drinking and getting ready to have a family, more or less.

People who came from the same wealth bracket as myself didn't like me. And then rich people didn't seem to like me either. I was some kind of oddball alienated from the culture I was supposed to have acclimated to. But in other ways, I reacted just the way I was expected to. That was why teachers hadn't wanted me to be an artist. Art is for rich kids. It was never spelled out to me that way. I was supposed to want what I could realistically achieve. I believe ultimately, that was why I had felt so attacked in high school. But the teachers never had enough self knowledge to realize what they were trying to stop me from doing. In their minds, they were trying to prevent me from ruining my own life. Mike saw potential for me in college. But he didn't want me to expect greatness. He wanted me to maybe have a fighting chance of getting out okay. He had shot down a lot of my ideas, but compared to most of the adults I knew, he was an idealist. Both my parents seemed really stuck in their jobs. They were conditioned to not expect more from life or their relationships, and if you tried to talk about meaningful stuff, I noticed they had these subtle cues and their minds would shut down and if you press further they will get aggravated. I have seen this a lot. It's not that poor people are stupid. They just don't have that hope in them anymore that would give them the notion to question themselves the way they would have to to out-think the conditioning. Their parents kill it, and the school system kills it. I think for the most part, those micro knives that kill the inner idealist and artist are well meant by people who lost their dreams so long ago they don't even remember. It is beaten down, and then there is nothing left.

I probably held onto some wild sense of idealism from early childhood because I am a little bit delusional. I can jump pretty deeply into my own imagination. Plus, my parents were never consistent. I found ways to hide from being truly beaten down. I don't know if being an avoidant delusional is really all that beneficial in the long run, or that I would necessarily suggest it. But it did give me a vantage point of being able to contrast my own world view with those around me. People in various social classes, genders, ethnicity and religions are all conditioned to a certain extent to shut down when they get to their limit of what they think about, what makes them functioning. And there is a precedent for them to resent one another, consciously or not. Men vs. women, white vs. black. Blaming Mexicans for the economy. It goes on and on. I'm not a crazy George Carlin fan, but I really like how he talked about how they want people just smart enough to run the machines, but not smart enough to question why. In every Truly, I realized that there was something very political about asking questions. Being that I was from a certain social class, a good deal of the backlash I had received throughout my entire life was due to the fact that I had refused to fit into the place I was supposed to.

Living in a class system like I was seemed wrong to me, but if you studied the corporatist -capitalist system you could definitely tell how and why this system existed. I of course understand that we human beings have some natural tendencies to become clannish. Racism for instance, would still exist under any system of government or economics, as would sexism. I felt like both political parties in a sense, betrayed people, by not opening or asking the right kinds of questions. I thought too about how the richer kids at the high school looked down on me for working outdoors getting my hands dirty as they drove by. I couldn't really be mad at them in a sense. They were small minded and conditioned to think a certain way. Of course, this prejudice stupidity is also probably the worst thing about us as humans and we very well might destroy ourselves with it.

Sarah arrived in July. We were ecstatic to see one another again. Sarah had a tan from working outside so often. She looked great. I had gained ten pounds since the previous year. I had sort of lost my sense of style. What worked and matched my personality didn't work or fit me at eighteen anymore. Most of my clothes were old and ratty, and didn't feel like they suited me. My hair looked frizzy and bad. My eyes hurt all the time, and were beginning to water. I kept one of them clenched shut constantly and just looked out of my left eye. I was even worse at making eye contact. Most of Sarah's week in Idaho she spent with her mother and her grandparents, who really were getting on in their years. But there was this one memorable night that I remember she came down to my house. We were talking and having a good time, but Sarah was getting tired. I always do everything in my power to make my friends stay up late with me. It's just this weird thing I do – I know it's probably selfish to deny a tired friend of their sleep – but I can't really help it. I guess I like steering people in the wrong direction – it's a character flaw I guess. I just don't want good things to end. Anyway, she kept talking to me as she fell asleep on my couch, but I sat besides her and tried to talk to her to make her stay awake. After awhile, she started talking nonsense. She started talking about things that didn't quite make sense. I had somehow accidentally hypnotized her.

It didn't really come to much, I was just extremely amused that I had hypnotized her. Similar to how I used to have conversations with my younger sister Allison when she was three as she slept. I couldn't get Sarah to talk about much of what I wanted to talk about. I mostly just asked her to elaborate on what she was talking about. She was flying in her dream into her mother's shop and was explaining how she was flying into this piece of jewelry that was shaped like a triangle and had a rainbow inside. I didn't have any deep dark questions. Eventually, after talking to her about various things she was seeing, I snapped her out of it. She woke up out of the daze. She had no recollection of having discussed anything with me. She had thought she had been asleep the entire time.

We rode the plane back to Texas. We didn't get a window seat. I was frustrated because there is literally nothing I love more than the window seat of an airplane. Almost nothing. It's definitely in the top 5. In the Denver airport I had the tastiest chocolate chip cookie and Thanksgiving Sandwich I had ever eaten in my entire life. It was so amazing to be out of Idaho. It was so nice to be going somewhere with someone who actually liked me and wanted to know what I had to say. As we waited for a few hours for our flight to board, we looked out the window below us in the flat area outside Denver, and watched the airport flaggers and baggage handlers and airplane technicians working and having serious presumably work related conversations. We did voice overs of what they were saying, and though I don't know what we made them say, I remember feeling it was hysterically fun. I continuously tried to read Notes From the Underground by Fyodor Dostoyevsky and continuously failed. It was occurring me that I never had any fun anymore. Honestly, I hadn't had fun in years. It's hard to explain what that is like. I often found things I found meaningful and enjoyable. But never was there a time when the rug being pulled out from under me was actually any fun at all. I generally just slipped and fell into new lows. I constantly had to watch my back and guess what people's egos were going to make them do. It became exhausting and mind numbingly soul-crushing business for me all the time. Dare I say, it was beginning to wear me down psychologically.

Texas air was thick and muggy. I had not expected that. I thought Texas would be dry for some reason. Alex picked us up and drove us back from the airport to his place. Texas was mostly dry and flat. New Braunfels actually had a hill in it, and it was sort of a big deal in that area since hills were hard to come by. We drove through this big park, and up into the hill area, where there where the houses were mostly very nice. There were these whacky miniature deer that lived in people's yards in herds. I guess Texas people think they are pests, but they seem to have little fear of people and simply graze among suburban neighborhoods. I had never seen such a thing. I was told that one such deer ran into Sarah and Alex's car and dented it. The insurance company had deemed it an act of God.

We stopped into one of these houses. They parked and we went inside. Sarah was excited her home. Inside their portion of the house, they had their own small fridge, a big area where they had a drumset set up, and a fine keyboard. Alex's computer area was in the corner. Their bedroom was painted dark blue. They had a bathroom and Sarah had a small art table to do her arts and crafts. The floor was made out of fake wood, which I was told was cheap, but I actually think was rather classy compared to the raggedy flooring I was accustomed to. They had a pet turtle that some man had randomly given them. Her name was Ruby. She was cute, but her life must have been painfully empty. She just swam in a very small area. I would think that turtle would want to live somewhere like a pond. I was a little bit afraid of Ruby honestly. We existed on entirely different vibrations.

They had this exercise room, and the first thing I noticed upon entering was Alex's step dad, a strange little man I always felt looked like he belonged in Whoville. He was peddling this exercise bike in this nerdy way that almost reminded me of some kind of comedy skit from Saturday Night Live or something. It took everything I had not to start laughing upon seeing him. The only reason I didn't laugh is because I had been warned in advance that whatever I thought when I first saw him it would give me the strong urge to laugh, and I couldn't. He didn't have much of a sense of humor.

The rest of the house was even larger. Their kitchen was big. They had a sun room, a living room, a study, a dining room and a large bedroom. It was a opulent. Alex's mother Rebecca was a small round blonde lady with a strong southern accent and a certain endearing honesty about her. She was a genuine sweetheart. Alex's mother had met Robert (his stepdad) in some kind of radio contest dating thing. She had gone on one date with him – weighed out her options and happily jumped on board. Robert was incredibly rich. He worked for a university. He had very unique skills in mathematics and had a masters degree. He brought home a lot of money.

The room I was to stay in for three weeks was simple, but nice. Plus, I had my own big bathroom. The bathtub was actually more of a Jacuzzi. It was admittedly, much nicer than what I was used to. I almost didn't know what to do with it. I was so happy to be out of the environment I was used to. I was far away from my parents, or the lonely need that my younger brother and sister seemed to have for me. They had both grown to be quite emotionally dependent on me. When you get away from negativity from your surroundings that is slowly killing you from within and without, it can almost be shocking to step into something where nothing is out to get you and nobody wants to hurt you. I had dyed my hair rainbow (temporarily). I planned on having fun and being myself for awhile. I only read one book in those three weeks – John Steinbeck's 'East of Eden'.

I feel like it was a little boring there sometimes, though I never was bored (I actually don't get bored and don't really know what that feels like – I can always generate something to do). Sarah and Alex laid in bed a lot. Of course, I stayed up all night using Sarah's super old laptop (it was probably a 98) to surf the web and at least attempt to check my MySpace. Sarah and Alex didn't have very much money. While it was true they didn't have to pay the rent or anything, at least after they had rescued Alex's parents fish when their giant aquarium had randomly burst (this endeared them to make the rent free for some reason), they were only making five dollars an hour and working twenty-five hours a week tops, which was terrible money even in 2007. The only thing they could really afford to do was eat and sleep and watch Futurama reruns. I often times would sit at their bedside and try to get Sarah and Alex's energy up. I tried to be humorous and entertaining and engaging. I tried to get them excited about stuff. I think they liked my company, but ultimately I could never get them to do very much.

Texas itself definitely wasn't my style. Texas gets HOT for one. It was oddly rainy that year in that part of Texas, and that helped, but when it was hot outside, I felt like I was walking around on Mercury. I didn't see any rhinestone cowboys as I had hoped. I was told that those types resided in the other parts of Texas, though I am sure they were stuffed here and there and I just never had a good chance to see them. I sometimes played Sarah's drum. I knew little to nothing about drumming. Alex taught me where you were supposed to put your feet and how you were supposed to play the drums, but I disregarded the rules of drumming in favor of making up songs. I mostly came up with made up theatrical military songs about British imperialism for some reason. I played the role of a stuffy egomaniac British officer singing to the beat of the drums about his conquests.

Alex's parents were gone for most of the entire time I was there. They left the day after I arrived. Robert I think had early stage prostate cancer, and he had to go get his final tests and such done to make sure it was gone (it was). This gave us a somewhat freer reign of the house in a way we might not have had if they had been home. I got to know Alex a whole lot better. He liked reading and writing quite a bit – so we did have that in common. I think mostly, he found me entertaining. At one point during those three weeks, we challenged one another to a chocolate chip cookie eating contest at some point. Basically, we spent thirty dollars on Albertson's brand chocolate chip cookies that come in the purple bags that they often sell sometimes at the front. I managed to eat like, twenty-five. It was sooo disgusting after awhile. I eventually started to gag and had to stop. I felt sick to my stomach for the next eight hours. Alex won. Alex and I were officially friends. We were both very competitive and well read. It's hard for me to make friends sometimes, because I when I feel comfortable around people (which is pretty damn rare) I joke hard. I joust with people psychologically and that can be kind of rough for some folks. A great deal of the time people don't know that I am not trying to hurt them, and they back down. Which I don't know why because I am not really that great at comebacks and I generally dig my own grave in my attempt to get one up on the other person. Alex didn't have a problem with that at all. I hadn't really liked Alex all that much before. He was okay. We had got along okay before, but I thought he was pretty pretentious for how he had confronted my sister and his overall nonchalant attitude towards people. Sarah ate half of a cookie and was good.

There were nights when we swam in the pool out back. Water made/makes Sarah a little bit crazy. Her eyes go all black and she gets sadistically hyper. It was great. We sometimes sat around listening to old school rap and play card games till two in the morning. I cannot explain the birds that flew out of my heart sitting there at that table. I had bottled so much of myself up. I had to, but now I was around friends who liked me. And yet I would have to go back to Idaho sooner rather than later.

Not everything was perfect all the time. Much of the time, Sarah and Alex cooped themselves in their bedroom to watch television and I would wander the house. I read bits of William Faulkner books in Robert''s study. I started paying attention to articles online, generally about ghosts and UFO's and mysterious disappearances on list sites like Listverse. There was a night I remember vaguely where Alex had some kind of change of heart. He told Sarah he wanted to go to college. I guess they had some kind of pact between them where they thought college was pointless and dumb. I was sitting in the dining room reading, and Sarah came in in her pajamas and told me that Alex wanted to go to college rather than work. She felt it was very dumb and she was confused and baffled why anyone would want to go to college. He later recanted the whole college thing. And then there was an evening I faintly remember, where Sarah came in to talk to me. I don't remember what she was saying to me, other than she sounded really confused. I think she might have been trying to tell me she didn't love Alex, but I can't be sure. She said she didn't feel like he knew who she was. She didn't know who she was. She wanted me to be mad at her – like the old days. She wanted to feel something. She started insulting herself and saying I should be furious at her. She said that Alex couldn't see through her at all like I could. I knew what she meant, but I knew myself better than to go down that path. I was never going to cross those boundaries ever again. I loved/love Sarah to death, but I wasn't going to try and fix her anymore. I wasn't going to map out an identity for her anymore. She would have to figure it out for herself. Sarah, deep down, had both resented how harsh I was on her, and appreciated how deeply I looked into her. In the end, she broke down crying on the floor. I listened intently. I tried to be supportive, but I was also quite reserved and quiet. I wanted her to know through my silent listening that we weren't going to fight. I wasn't going to try to squeeze emotion out of her anymore. She was on her own.

I think what majorly helped with my boundaries in my friendship with Sarah was that I read a lot of introductory Buddhist and Taoist stuff. I am by no means some great expert in eastern religion mind you. But I felt like I was finally beginning to get what people were deep down, at least sort of. I had thought I understood how people operated when I was younger. Somehow, I had been pretty wrong about just about everything. I understood that part of Sarah's growth was me letting her make her own mistakes. And part of me growing as a person was not taking charge of anyone but myself. We had forged a friendship on codependency. And it had mostly been me who initiated that codependency. Sarah had been a crutch for me, and when I got mad at her – I hadn't truly seen her for the person she really was. Sarah was more just lost and emotionally immature. In a very real way, Sarah moving had saved our friendship. I am pretty damn certain of that actually. I am by nature, a codependent person. Many times throughout my life, I have had to take a step back and witness myself being codependent and make the step-by-step decision not to do or say certain things. It's hard, and it never gets better since I am a bit broken. But I knew now to some degree that in order to get or not get what I wanted, whatever that want was, it wasn't to delve deeply into my fears and ego.

We all three took a very strange and gross adventure to a nearby town called Seguin. I guess, there had been this very weird fifty-something year old man that had washed buses for awhile at the Schlitterbahn when it was open. Alex and Sarah, probably to be nice, had promised to go over to his place to have BBQ chicken for some reason. They made plans to go over to his house, and they brought me along. Seguin was kind of a dump. I was watching television years later, and I think there was some kind of serial killer there at some point – the claim to fame of the town. We drove up to a set of apartments, and we knocked on his door. This pudgy strange babbling man with slicked black hair came out. He kept addressing himself as both Dwayne, and Dwight. Sarah and Alex didn't even know his name. They just called him Dwayne Dwight. He invited us into the apartment. The apartment was gross. All over the walls he had corny nudes he had gotten from dirty magazines. There were nude men as well, but he kept telling us that his brother had put those up – not him, which of course he was lying. The place smelled of masturbation in the worst way. The couch was broken. He had a sticky old computer that I am sure was full of viruses. He didn't seem to understand that going to random porn sites caused viruses, and he wanted Alex to fix it. His fridge had moldy food in it. He said he had a gun because he thought there were people after him because his brother owed people money. This story of his involvement with bad people in organized crime never made any sense. He basically kept saying that people were after him for essentially no reason – which couldn't possibly be true. He probably owed money to people. He struck me as a gambler and someone who frequently paid for sex. He said inappropriate things to all of us both sexually and none. I had no idea why we were even there. It was so horrific that I was sort of fascinated. But my stomach also gurgled and I was extremely uncomfortable.

By the time we got to cooking the chicken, I wasn't even hungry anymore. We were out in the yard, and the Texas sun was baking us all. We all wanted to leave, but it was too late to back out now. Looking at the raw meat on the grill, outside the house with Dwayne Dwight contradicting himself left and right, I just wanted to leave. I watched intently, the flies landing on the meat that was cooked. It was moments like this where I wondered if I even really liked meat. I mean, this is creepy and all, but there is this weird power thing about meat. Like, it's a demonstration of dominance and power, and there is something sort of psychologically addictive about the idea that an animal died and you are eating it's body. This sounds insane coming from a vegan, I realize. It's because I realize this dynamic that I don't eat meat, but it was also the reason that I ever liked to eat meat to begin with. There is some weird euphoria I still get when I think about eating animals. It's not a good feeling, but it's real. And it's not for the taste. Vegan food is pretty fantastic. The euphoria is truly because I am completely split down the middle on the kind of person I am. I like the idea of eating dead animals. And at the same rate, I am revolted by it and find it (in principle – not always in practice [people eat meat for a lot of reasons, some of which they cannot help]) morally wrong and psychologically absurd. I dream about eating meat still. When I wake up, I feel intensely ashamed. Sometimes though, meat is simply disgusting – and these powerful moments have never left me. Some bird's lived a painful life and died a tragic death in a factory farm so that I could sit outside of Dwayne Dwight's disgusting apartment and cook up a massive bowl of fly ridden bits of it's flesh from the bone, coated in a sugary substance. It would have been a lot better had we not.

Eventually we left, and I never saw Dwayne Dwight again, and Sarah and Alex never contacted him again. I guess years later, somewhat recently, Dwayne Dwight was found murdered in his vehicle. He probably borrowed money from someone he should not have. But seriously, looking at this guy for three seconds, he was the stereotype of a man you should never lend money to. I can't imagine how dumb you would have to be to give this guy ten dollars, let alone something in the four or more digits.

PART 63 - https://tinyurl.com/ybosu235

PART 62 - https://tinyurl.com/ybjrvccn

PART 61 - https://tinyurl.com/ybm99k8o

My Life Story in Chapters, PARTS 1-60 (this link below will lead you to a list of all the chapters i have written thus far).

http://aleatoryalarmalligator.tumblr.com/post/168782771574/life-story-sections-1-60

#text

That Time I Won a Palanca

The first time I joined the Palanca Awards I was 15 and eager, high on hopes that maybe I had a shot at winning something so prestigious. It was around the time that my writing blog was only 5 months old and receiving feedback from strangers on the internet, with Sir KC's push, I gave it a try. I failed. I had quietly hoped for the worst, but it still stung when I realized I’ve been daydreaming about it quite often. The next time around I was so discouraged I didn't even bother. Since I lost in RACJOURN 2016, too, and there were people who openly told me I needed improvement, I took a break from my writing. There was a long period of time where I thought my writing was not getting me anywhere, that it was just as everyone said--a hobby. I settled for writing whenever I felt like it and doing my best not to fail as the Editor-in-Chief of Ang Kalatas, a literary folio entrusted to me by my school. I became anxious of sharing my thoughts online, doubted my abilities, vowed to read more, and tried to improve how I wrote. I rarely let my family read my work, but my parents have always been supportive of me being a writer despite their hopes that I may pursue law after all. My teachers saw potential in me, always, which warms my heart every time. I for one, am a big fan of constructive criticism when it came to my writing. My friends, even if they often hit me with #nosebleed jokes, are my biggest fans, too. This support system kept me going and so, when 2017 came, I decided to give the Kabataan Essay category another shot before I turned 18.

2017. The first defining moment was copping silver for Feature Writing in RACJOURN 2017 with my piece on Extrajudicial Killings. I joined the Manila Times Essay Writing Contest with the same theme but failed. This didn’t stop me. I was anxious as I wrote my piece for Palanca in the summer, stressing about it for a whole month, letting Sir Ivan and Ma'am Fyke read it so they can provide their critique, spending about 3 hours on the last night, thinking of the perfect title before I sent it in the following day. As my parents stood by me while I freaked over requirements, I calmly told them that if I win, it would all be for them, anyway. There is no better feeling in the world than seeing my parents happy, to let them know that all their struggle to get me good education and to raise me well aren’t going to waste.

To be completely honest, there was one event in life this year that led me to believe my entire year was down the drain. I was devastated. Heartbroken. Clinging on to my friends for support. In tears at the most random times...It took a while before I got better, the progress was so slow that sometimes I think I am still not over it, especially when things stress me out and all I need is someone to talk to. I started working out and *trying* to eat healthier when I can. Before I knew it, I was 20 pounds lighter. I joined inter-school events, focused on college entrance exam reviews, had the time of my life with friends I’ve neglected for the past two years. Literally anything that could occupy my time and the empty feeling I had in me, and yet, there were still nights when the pain would get so unbearable I began to ask if the good times were ever even worth this suffering. It got my mind off winning a Palanca award since all I wanted was to feel better and I didn’t think I could take another heartbreak if I didn’t win. I prayed a lot, took refuge in my faith that God will never fail me with the help of my friend Sofia, who encouraged me to read the Bible when I could. Now, I feel calmer whenever I realize that this was something God was telling me, to mold me into the person I was meant to be. He had His reasons, I just had to be strong and patient enough to see it through.

On the 5th of August 2017, I answered the door thinking that the shirt I ordered online had finally arrived. It surprised me when the courier handed me a smaller package. I remember asking, "Kuya, saan galing 'tong sulat?"

And him going, "Sa Palanca Awards po, Ma'am. Sumali po ba kayo? Nako mukhang nanalo kayo Ma'am ha! Malaki yang award na yan!"

My heart raced at the name of the sender. I laughed and said, "Nako, Kuya, wag mo kong paasahin baka masaktan ako!"

I ran to the dinning room, hands shaking so much I couldn't open the package. My brother, Kuya Rj, had to open it for me and give me the envelope. I CRIED when I read it. It was the first time in a long while that I shed tears because I was unbelievably happy. I ran upstairs to tell my parents, my mom wanting to immediately let her Facebook friends know. My dad told me he knew I had it in me. My friend, Justine, who was visiting that time reacted the same way. I told them I wanted to keep it a secret first. I told everyone I cared for and loved through private messages. It was the happiest day of my life, I was so overwhelmed with gratitude I wanted to reach out to the sky and give God the biggest hug. I was saved, blessed beyond measure.

After almost 3 eventful weeks, last night I finally got my award at The Manila Peninsula with my mother. Everything looked so beautiful, in my head I was internally screaming because I was in the presence of literary geniuses, renowned icons, and writers like me who couldn’t believe their luck. Table 18, the one where I sat with fellow 18 under winners and their lovely parents who were all accommodating. I never thought I’d ever experience being called upfront prior to the ceremony just so photographers could take our photo. Surreal, is what! I was almost half-expecting someone to come out and tell me I’m being pranked, or for me to wake up because surely I must be dreaming. I not nearly as good as everyone in that room. What did I do to deserve such honor? The dinner was great, and for a split second I regretted wearing a tight dress, I could eat all night! The tea was exceptional as well. The play presentation was entertaining, worthy of a Palanca indeed. Dr. Dalisay’s speech sparked something in me: a vision, maybe, of what it would be like to write (and speak) as well as he does. F. Sionil Jose sat two tables away from us, and I wanted a photo with him but he left earlier than expected. My mother fangirled over Cherry Pie Picache being in the same room (and the bathroom!) The feeling of coming up the stage and receiving the award was the most exhilarating thing I’ve experienced. Dr. Dalisay was right, I will never forget the first time I won a Palanca, that night. The certificate will keep me going through hard times, just as his did. I knew right then and there that only a few have had the same experience, and I am not letting it pass me by. I am determined to write for as long as I can, improving every year. I still have a long way to go, but I am excited for what the future holds for my writing career.

Thank you to everyone who believed in me and my writing. My family and friends, teachers, Adamson University--my second home since the 3rd grade, online readers since the dawn of my Wattpad fan fiction phase (slight cringe) after my short Jr. Total Girl Staff Writer stint at 12, to the birth of mariellewritesalot at 15, and now. Thank you God, for showing me You are never going to make me struggle without giving me blessings in return. Even with college entrance exams and my debut coming up, I feel like my 2017 has already been made. I can only hope for it to get even better.

This experience has humbled me and made me want to write more for the youth, and for our country. Mabuhay ang mga alagad ng sining!

Marielle Fatima Burog Tuazon. 17 years old. Palanca awardee, third prize for "The Pursuit of Lucidity" in the Kabataan Essay category. 🤗

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: I will be releasing a new short story in November to celebrate my 18 years of existence on that month! The tentative title is Our Last Good Day and it’s going to be the Young Adult short story you wouldn’t want to miss. More updates and hints coming your way, soon! If you want to read my past short stories, click here.

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