#recoverytracking

[veritashospital]

🌱 Your Journey Is Tracked, Measured & Celebrated at Veritas

🔹 At Veritas, every step of recovery is carefully tracked and measured to ensure steady progress and meaningful outcomes.

🔹 Small improvements are recognised and celebrated because healing is built on consistent, guided milestones.

🔹 At Veritas Rehab & Hospitals in Kondapur, Hyderabad, recognised as one of the best rehab centers in Hyderabad, our structured approach ensures every patient heals with purpose, confidence, and expert support.

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I had the worst break down last night. It was scary, I wasn’t sure if I was going to come out of it and end up like I was after my 2010 breakdown. Ugh. I need to go see a therapist, this is getting scary and bad.

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My doctor (finally) gave me new sleep meds today and I had to control the urge to kiss my 60 year old, balding doctor. He wouldn’t change my pain meds though, so I need to figure out what to do about that.

I left the house, went to the doctors (!!!!pats on back very good job!!!!), met a cute spider friend, watched it snow a little itsy bit, and talked to a cutie. Today was a huge success and now I’m in bed, very tired, very worn out, but very happy and proud of myself. Pushing myself to go to the doctors was a HUGE step, and if I can continue on this path, I see very good things in my future.

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In 5 days, I will be officially 4 months clean :’) It’s been hard as fuck this past month, and I’ve almost given in several times, but here I am.

When I last relapsed, I had been clean for over 6 months, so it sucks having to start over and comparing the difference in months, but I’m still proud of myself.

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I had the worst night in a very long time last night. Panic attacks, random crying, paranoia, stress, extreme insomnia (I’m still awake at 6am, 15 hours fml). The only positive thing was I didn’t have a single urge to self harm, and I got the nicest message. But even that message made me cry and is stressing me out. Sigh. I just wish the people who promised to be there for me no matter what would actually keep that promise at my worst time.

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I hate today.

I feel like a terrible friend, all I do is let my friends down. My stomach is attacking itself, this fucking migraine is going on 3 weeks, had a couple seizures, can’t stop shaking, can’t stay awake. I just want to cry because of the pain and because I feel like no one will ever love me because I’m just one big let down and a huge burden. I mean really, who would fall in love with that. And I fucking miss Andrew. I knew it would be hard, but FUCK. I thought I was supposed to be happy without him. But I just feel like a part of me is missing and that is fucking stupid because he was never there on a day to day basis. I miss the Andrew I talked to when I sat in a park in 0 degree weather at 9pm because Manny didn’t give a shit about me. I miss the Andrew that actually cared for me and showed it. AND I AM DO FUCKING TIRED OF THESE NIGHTMARES. Every night, Manny creeps into my dreams. And it fucking scares me because he’s so abusive in them. I’m supposed to be moving on, but how can I do that when I find you in my dreams every night? I have so much I’ve kept bottled in and I’m getting to a point where I feel like I can’t deal with it. I haven’t cut in 4 months, and that’s a big deal to me. No one (Well one person) knows how hard of a struggle it’s been for me lately to stay clean. I refuse to give in this time.

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Today is the one year anniersary of my suicide attempt...

Let the flashbacks commence.

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My mom is driving me to drink and self harm. I swear, you're the only thing keeping me sane.. Don't know how much longer you can keep me sane from so far away though.