#reddit copypasta

[digitalfishwish]

I think I’ve found a new copypasta out there in the wilds of r/outbacksteakhouse

[flappytowel]

FATHER I CANNOT CLICK THE BOOK via /r/copypasta FATHER I CANNOT CLICK THE BOOK I CAN'T CLICK THE BOOK, FATHER DAD DAD THIS BOOK IS ANCIENT TECHNOLOGY THAT IS BEYOND MY MIND, AS I HAVE BEEN TAINTED BY TOUCHPAD TECHNOLOGY FATHER THE BOOK IS ANALOG AND THE DEVICES I AM ACCUSTOMED TO OPERATING ARE DIGITAL AND THUS CLICKING THE BOOK YIELDS UNSATISFACTORY RESULTS WHEN COMPARED TO THE DIGITAL DEVICES THAT HAVE BECOME COMMONPLACR AFTER THE TURN OF THE CENTURY FATHER PLEASE INSTRUCT ME ON HOW TO OPERATE THE BOOK WITH YOUR SUPERIOR MIND YOU WERE BORN IN THE LATE 1970S AND THUS YOUR REALM OF KNOWLEDGE WOULD MOST LIKELY ENCOMPASS THE HANDLING AND OPERATION OF THIS ANCIENT TOME FATHER I CANNOT CLICK THE BOOK

[flappytowel]

Found on r/AskReddit :) via /r/copypasta Ex stripper here. Most of them were cool. We had one old guy named Cummer Steve that would get dances from the new girls and whip his dick out and jizz in their hair. He always had $300 in his wallet that he would had over before they made him leave.Occasionally a douchebag would come in but they got handled pretty quickly. I once had a guy hold up a $5 bill and ask what he could get for that. I cheerfully snatched it out of his hand and told him that he could watch my ass as I walked away.There was also the self-named Horsefucker Jerry... he'd show up every once in a while. He would actually tip fairly well, but he would just talk during the whole dance about how much he loves fucking horses in his free time and about how talking about it really turns him on. Definitely the oddest of the bunch.

[flappytowel]

Found this on the catholicteens sub via /r/copypasta I believe that Masturbation is wrong, however it can be justified in certain extreme circumstances. I will examine several scenarios and determine their wrongnessScenario 1: I jerk off to my crushes Instagram picsIs this a sin: YesThis is a sin because I am committing lust, a sexual act, on someone who did not consent. I am thus stealing her humanity and reducing her to a sexual object.Scenario 2: I jerk off to a porn actressIs this a sin: It might beI am committing lust unto the actress, however she did imply consent by uploading the video to a porn website specifically meant for masturbation.Scenario 3: I jerk off to my own imaginationIs this a sin: NoSince I am using my own imagination, I am become a creator and a dreamer, just like God himself. By putting myself in God's position I can better understand the Bible. Not only is this a non-sin, it may be spiritually healthy.Scenario 4: I fuck a sex robotIs this a sin: YesThe Robot, is not a human being, and since I am having sex with it, I am implying that human love can be obtained by objects, or that objects and humans have the same value. This is insulting to God's creation and thus a sin.Scenario 5: I jerk off to gay pornIs this a sin: maybeOn one hand, homosexuality is a sin and the actors in the video are sinning. But, they did imply consent to me jerking off by uploading it to a porn website. But is it a sin to masturbate to sin? Perhaps God appreciates me only jerking off instead of asking out a boy in real life. Or maybe I'm deluding myself.Scenario 6: I jerk off to myself in the mirrorIs this a sin: NoI am a good looking guy and I occasionally jerk off to myself. I'm sure other boys in my grade have jerked off to me as well. I consent to myself masturbating to myself and I am a human worthy of love, there is thus nothing wrong with this.

[flappytowel]

How do you do, fellow homosexuals? via /r/copypasta Hello, fellow homosexuals. It is us, [MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR CORPORATION]. Here to remind you that we support your lifestyle now that it has been federally legalised and it is completely socially safe, allowing for us to capitalise on your existence now it's mainstream. Look, we even changed the colours of [LOGO]! Why did we wait this long to come out and 'support' you? Haha, no more questions, homosexual. Buy our product. Buy our product. BUY OUR PRODUCT.

[flappytowel]

Found on r/AmITheAsshole? via /r/copypasta My son (14) watches a lot of video game streamers on Twitch.tv. I personally don't find them entertaining but I can understand why some people (like my son) do. Over the past month he's starting using terms like "pog", "jabaited", and "Kappa" which I guess are terms that are used in the scope of Twitch.I don't have an issue with my son using these terms but it's gotten to the point where every sentence is Twitchspeak. We were having dinner and my daughter (age 12) was talking about how she got accepted for a summer program with the local animal shelter, and my son said "Pog you, easy clap". I told him that it was getting out of hand and that he would have to communicate normally to his parents and family. To that he said "Weird champ, feels weird man, normies omega LOL." Until he learns to communicate like a normal human being I've blacklisted Twitch from the internet for the time being. He's hysterical now but I told him that I would unblacklist it if he stopped using twitchspeak, but he's refusing to stop so for now it's banned. AITA?

[flappytowel]

Noobmaster69 copypasta via /r/copypasta Noobmaster, hey it’s Thor again. You know, the god of thunder? Listen buddy, if you don’t log off this game immediately I will fly over to your house, and come down to that basement you’re hiding in and rip off your arms and shove them up your butt! Oh, that’s right, yea just go cry to your father you little weasel.

[flappytowel]

✅👁✅👁✅ Minecraft creeper VS the IRS ft iron golem from minecraft via /r/copypasta ✅✅✅✅✅ ✅👁✅👁✅ ✅✅👃🏿✅✅ ✅✅👄✅✅ ✅✅✅✅✅ ✅✅✅ ✅✅✅ I will sexually assault ✅✅✅ the iron golem ✅✅✅ unless ✅✅✅ the IRS ✅✅✅ voids my taxes for 2009-2019 ✅✅ ✅✅ ✅✅ ✅✅