If he was being honest, that was true. There were words he could not speak; things he could not tell her. That aside, she had learning and growing up to do. It wasn’t as if he didn’t care for her, but how could he possibly admit such a thing without instant rejection? Indeed, he could tell her this, but how likely would it be that she would take it calmly and not start asking any number of questions?
“…Fee.” He could say she always made this difficult, but he did as well. It was weird, even, to see this girl’s face full of sadness and anger. She looked so similar to her mother, yet the attitudes were completely different sometimes. Fury… It was hard to bring her up near the children. Sety was right that he wasn’t particularly sad about her death, and despite the tiniest wave of guilt he’d felt for the family at that time, he hardly knew the woman. What he knew of her was limited in terms of firsthand experience, and the rest… only composed of Levin’s fragmented memories.
“There are too many things you don’t understand. I’ve told you before to concern yourself with winning this war, yet you distract yourself repeatedly.” She had told him before to “forget he even had a daughter”, yet here she was again, still desiring answers that had been withheld from both children. As for Fee, she likely didn’t quite understand her own feelings herself. Why she yelled and cried at him… Why she would come back and try to understand…
It was normal to feel bad, right? He wasn’t one to indulge in emotion though, and for himself, there was a limit on how much he could coddle those two. It was entirely likely they did want that kind of attention, and wanted to feel something fatherly from him, but perhaps it was already too late for that. Things were messed up now, and things had been done that couldn’t be taken back. Now, the only one who could fix them was very likely Fury, and she wouldn’t be back to do so.
“You know why I avoid speaking to you more often than not. You’re too clingy to particular topics. I can’t advise this army with you nagging me about the things that revolve around you personally.” If he gave her the attention she wanted, what if she continuously looked for it? Based on the things he’d seen her do since seeing her in Isaac, he couldn’t trust she wouldn’t get out of hand. “If nothing else, I at least expected to see you grow up during the course of this war like the others have. I have yet to see that kind of change.”
“I...”
She stopped short on her words, hands balling into fists as she forced herself to hold back. She knew better than to have another outburst in front of Levin, she knew that wouldn’t get them anywhere. She was just so angry, though... and taken aback that he still thought she hadn’t grown.
“I have grown though. You... you just haven’t paid enough attention to see it.” No longer was she the terrified girl that cried when she thought no one was looking. She was stronger, braver... and she understood more than she had before. She understood why Sety had to leave her alone to go searching for Levin, she understood why she had to give this her all for the sake of the people. The only thing she didn’t understand right now was standing in front of her, wearing her father’s face with that cold expression.
“Not that you’ve ever paid attention to me, not since I was young. I swear the father I remember in my earliest memories was kinder, I swear you used to smile. I know you’re doing important work here but...”
Fee inhaled sharply as she tried her best to not look away. They’d come this far in the war and it was clear that this would end soon. She’d already made up her mind where she wanted to be now, even if she was still young and immature. But growing up meant she had to stop yelling, had to stop crying. If other people her age could do this, then so could she.
“But you still refuse to give us an explanation. I... I wanted to think you could still be my - our - father after this but clearly I was wrong. That doesn’t mean I don’t still want answers!
I won’t be returning to Silesia after we’re done here, and that’s going to be soon, right? There aren’t many battles left if we follow your strategy... so, I’d like to know what happened. When did you stop being our father? What changed you?”