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[thejustreflections]

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[manco-capac-blog]

I Feel Alone

I have always defined myself as a man who redefines himself every year or two. This is my latest iteration.

Over the past few years, I’ve felt various groups of people define me as a bad person. I am despised and judged. I try not to mind. But it gets to you over time.

My close friendships have dissipated. People look at me like a stranger. Honestly, sometimes I look at myself the same way. Why must change be such a bad thing?

There are many people who would prefer to see me unhappy. There are many people who probably don’t care either way. 

Today was the last straw. Someone with whom I was in a close relationship brought up some topics that were always bad blood. We decided to part ways.

I don’t know what to do with myself now. I have no close friends. I have no relationship. I have no friend group. If someone wants to see me unhappy, they’re doing a pretty good job right now. Up until this point, I’ve done my best not to show the cracks in the armor. But I’m reaching my breaking point.

I know writing will help. I know things will clear up if I put them down on the screen. I will be able to gather my thoughts and form a plan. Right now the plan is to find myself again.

If you don’t like the way things are, change something yourself; nothing will change for you on its own.

So we go forward.