#relationship values

[alwaysbewoke]

a LOT of ladies failing this test. A LOT!!!

[help-my-relationship]

21F struggling with family expectations and partner 23M not attending events after 7 years together

I (21F) have been with my boyfriend (23M) for almost 7 years. We recently had a baby who is now 6 months old. Throughout our relationship, I’ve always known he isn’t very family-oriented. He doesn’t enjoy big gatherings and prefers to spend his free time alone, especially when he’s stressed with school and work. Family has always mattered to me, but since having our baby, it feels even more important. I go to nearly every family event on both my side and his side. I don’t expect him to attend everything, but when there are bigger or more meaningful events, I really hope he’ll be there. This week, I had family come into town that he has never met before. He knew about the dinner for over a week. I told him it meant a lot to me if he came. Earlier in the week, he said he might go and just bring his computer to do schoolwork. The morning of the dinner, we got into an argument. About two hours before we were supposed to leave, he told me he wasn’t going because he needed to stay home and decompress after a busy week. He said I wasn’t being considerate of his need for downtime and asked when he ever gets time to himself. I ended up going to the dinner alone with our baby. When I arrived, my grandmother asked if he was coming. I told her he wasn’t, and she still set out a plate for him. That moment really hurt. Now I’m struggling with a few things: I feel embarrassed constantly explaining his absence to my family. I’m starting to question whether we have different values when it comes to family involvement. I worry about what this looks like long-term for our child and for us as a couple. I also don’t know how to balance respecting his need for space with my desire to show up as a united family. I’ve always known he wasn’t a “family events” person, but it feels different now that we have a child together. How do couples navigate this when one partner values family involvement much more than the other? How can we compromise in a way that doesn’t build resentment on either side?

I don't see him offering you any compromise. Your choice at this point is to accept things for what they are or to decide they're a deal breaker and navigate separation and custody. I am wondering if you've told him everything you told us about how much you're struggling with this?

Also, you don't need to explain his absence. He's choosing not to come. You can just...say that. This is your family and your partner. You can just be honest.

[erebus-et-eigengrau]

[Little Gothic Horrors] 

[unlikelyteller]

You know when people had that habit of kept talking about the same thing over and over? They're surely in love.

Dr. Von, One Unlikely Tale

[unlikelyteller]

When I've first came to realize these feelings, I had to look up on the pages of these books on the shelves, and even watch movies, the people, and listened, so I could understand. Then I found out, that this is love--a word defined as many, and as strange, complicated, and heartwarming, as in different stories ever told. And ours was just another--a one unlikely tale.

Rowan, One Unlikely Tale

[unlikelyteller]

HM Says:

"Hugs are more admirable than kisses on the lips. On the other hand, kisses on the forehead and on the forehand show more respect to the ones you care."

[amitoocoolforyou]

The double standard in how to get away with murder is sad. You can't get upset for your husband having an affair when you did the same thing.