I'm so tired of feeling like this man. I'm always exhausted and i never have the motivation to do anything. not in a depression way, but in an executive dysfunction way and it fucking sucks. ever since my ADHD meds stopped working it's been hell, and i can't go back to my psychiatrist because we don't have the money to pay for any medication but my seizure medication anymore, which I'm greatful for but I wish I had something for my ADHD as well. I miss when I was functional and could actually do work. I've tried everything, splitting up task into smaller tasks, making schedules, making lists, all those tips for managing ADHD, I have tried, nothing works, at best they work for a very short period before they don't. alarms used to work to get me to do things but even that doesn't work anymore. it took me over a month to watch a fucking 3 minute music video my friend wanted my input on, over a month, for a video that is 3 minutes long. like what the fuck. I'm so tired of feeling like this, i just want it to stop, i want to be functional again but without money there's nothing i can do and I hate it. I'm so scared it's gonna get worse. the thing is, it's the work that's the issue, I don't have the motivation to do my assignments unless I absolutely crunch them, that's the only time I actually do anything, when I'm under time pressure but I know that's not a good way to operate but I literally have tried to do shit on time and I just. can't. can't tell my mom since she'll dismiss me, can't tell my sister since she's on her spiritual kick right now, my brother is the only one that would understand but he's been busy so I don't know if I should even reach out, and whenever medication is brought up so many people around me just talk at me about how bad it is to be dependent on medication and I just don't know what to do anymore. The only thing I have motivation for is going out to have fun and do fuck all because it forces my body to be in having fun mode and gives me the energy I've been missing, being outside gives me the energy because my body is in fun socializing mode, it's why I've been wanting to go out so much even when I don't have the money for it, I'm so desperate for that energy I'll take any crumb i can get for even 20 minutes. The only person I've told about this is my partner, but maybe I'll try and reach out to my brother, he's busy but he always tries to make time for family however he can, and he has ADHD too so maybe he'll have some advice that isn't the same generic shit i see on every article and reddit thread about tips on managing ADHD. I'm just tired of feeling tired all the time, I wanna be functional again.