❝ how to lose an argument ❞
living with someone who has rules around every corner is a little crazy when you tell other people about it, but they will rethink their minds when these rules are in existence for a reason because of her— when the petty fights became into a warm nightly conversation and an act of kindness. coming soon
jeno lee 𖥻 roommates / college x femreader
❝ jeno lee, unfortunately ❞
coming soon
lee haechan 𖥻 roommates x femreader
❝ i hate him, unfortunately ❞
coming soon
na jaemin 𖥻 roommates x femreader
❝ my least favourite person ❞
coming soon
zhong chenle 𖥻 roommates / college x femreader
❝ not even a little bit ❞
coming soon
jisung park 𖥻 roommates x femreader
❝ my favourite inconvenience ❞
coming soon
notes , all rights reserved to the original creator 𓎆 taglist coming soon for all of them𓎆 posting series in age order
a/n: happy birthday renjun my love!!!! this is a short timestamp for his birthdayyyy i hope renjun has a great birthday i love you so much
"happy birthday, renjun, my love," you whispered, as renjun who was sitting on the couch beside you, blew the candle on his cake.
it was just a simple celebration in your shared apartment; a bento cake designed as a cute moomin you ordered, a take away pizza, all on a red checkered table spread, but the way renjun looked at you, it was as if you plucked the stars from the sky for him.
"thank you, yn. this means so much to me," he smiled softly, the corner of his eyes crinkling. maybe you did pluck the stars, cause what else could possibly explain the stars in renjun's eyes? oh, how you wish he could be happy all the time, how you wish you could protect that smile all the time.
"i hope you get everything you wished for, baby," you said, placing both of your hands on his cheeks to make him face you. you placed a kiss on his forehead.
then a kiss on his nose.
he giggled.
finally, his lips. you felt him smile into the kiss.
little did you know, everything he wished for, is already right in front of him.
synopsis: meeting a cute guy at one of your best friends halloween parties should be fun, right? but why does everyone seem to not like him? he’s a really nice guy
pairing: renjun x reader
genre: social media au, college, strangers to lovers, toxic relationship, fluff, angst, THRILLER!
warnings: swearing, sexting, talks about heavy topics, mention of mental illness, mention of character death, non traditional yandere
➥PART 17 OF MESSENGER; a small smau about a stranger, a whole lot of animal pics, and a relationship you would never have expected to come from texting a random number written on a public bathroom mirror.
[PREVIOUS PART] [INFO/MASTERLIST] [NEXT PART]
a/n: slightly longer update bc i went totally awol on this... next part is currently in the works with hope to upload asap! no waiting on this one <3
a/n2: i'm having trouble getting my taglists to work, so if it worked and you got a notif for this post, PLEASE LET ME KNOW IN THE REPLIES BELOW!!! THANK YOU IN ADVANCE, MUAH <3
genre ❥ fluff, angst, coworkers to lovers
pairings ❥ radio show host!renjun x fem!reader
word count ❥ 7.2k
warnings ❥ none
author’s note ❥ had this sitting in my wip for a while after rewatching renra on akdong seoul....just thought it would be a really cute idea!!
My love's so young, I'm young, at a sweet age I can't only look at you
As the ‘ON AIR’ sign flickers to life, you pick up the familiar pair of headphones at your seat, colourful stickers decorating the headband to separate it from the rest. The other guys at the station don’t particularly mind sharing headphones, but you find having a personalized one more enjoyable.
Seulgi, your program director, stands behind the glass wall, flashing a thumbs up from where she’s comfortably nestled in her chair. Jeno is just beside her, but he’s much more focused on the music controls, ensuring that it’s broadcasting smoothly. There’s a teleprompter in front of you, but you know you won’t need it. You’ll probably go off script anyways.
Which is why your partner flashes a warning glance at you, and you simply grin. He’s the one who keeps track of time and attempts to stick to Seulgi’s meticulously planned program sheets, reigning you in when you go off tangents.
Huang Renjun has been your partner host for the past year, and the both of you make a good team. A wonderful team, actually, if the listener numbers are anything to go off by. You know it’s partially luck that the both of you got an interesting show to helm, but surely part of it is due to your efforts as well.
Renjun’s dressed in a comfortable black hoodie today, already wearing his reading glasses as he looks over the script. You had teased him for his poor eyesight until he finally caved and bought the white frames that now rest comfortably on his nose.
A cue from Seulgi jolts you out of your thoughts, and you quickly take a sip of water before turning on the microphone. Renjun flashes an encouraging smile at you, even though it’s practically routine at this point.
“Welcome to The Love Club, where we provide a solution towards each and every dilemma you have about romance. It’s your favourite DJ, Y/N, along with Ren-D. I hope your Friday is going good, dear listener, so grab a cup of tea and let us accompany you until midnight!” The words flow out of your mouth smoothly, from weeks upon weeks of practice. Even then, the rush of excitement that fills you each time you speak into the microphone still remains as new as the first day you stepped into the studio.
“Thank you to everyone who sent in their stories! Today, we’ll be discussing the topic of first loves. Our first story is from user jiyeonluv.”
Dear Ren-D and Y/N-D,
I’m Jiyeon, a high-school student. I have a crush on someone in my school, and I really, really like them. But we’re graduating already, and I think we’ll be going to different universities. Should I pursue him?
You hum gently, thinking over your reply. The letter causes a fond smile to make its way onto your face, just from how adorable it is. “I think you should go for it. After all, if both of you really like each other, it’s possible. Besides, it’s better to try and be rejected, rather than not and worry about the what ifs.”
Renjun nods. “Besides, I heard long-distance relationships are the trend now,” he adds.
“I’m not sure where Renjun gets his trends from, considering he barely uses the internet,” you contradict, and Renjun scoffs slightly. “However, I hope everything goes well for you, user jiyeonluv! On that note, the first song of today that we’ll be playing is Young Luv by STAYC.”
“Good job today,” you say, and Renjun quickly returns your tired grin. He pushes open the glass door, you following behind him. Your tote bag lies on the shelf outside the office along with your sneakers, and you quickly put your shoes on, smartphone in hand.
Seulgi and Jeno wave goodbye to you as you leave, both of them already preparing for the next programme. Their schedules run a bit differently from yours and Renjun’s, considering they manage the night programmes until two in the morning. You wouldn’t be surprised if the both of them were almost nocturnal at this point.
The hallway is dim at this time of night, the broadcasting station void of much activity except for the room you just exited. However, there are still footsteps here and there, likely from interns or security patrolling the building.
It’s a short walk from your studio to the carpark, but you’re already shivering by the time you exit the building. It’s coming to fall, and the leaves are already transitioning to shades of autumnal red and yellow.
It’s quickly halted by the feeling of a jacket over your shoulders, however, and you quickly look up at Renjun, a silent protest in your eyes. “Don’t worry. I’ve got a hoodie on. You, on the other hand, should really start remembering to bring your own jacket.”
“I don’t need to, when you lend me one anyways,” you reply, and he huffs a laugh, rolling his eyes.
However, you’re quick to move your hands towards the heating vents of Renjun’s car once you’re inside, sinking into the plush leather seats comfortably.
“You don’t need to send me back, you know. The public buses are still running,” you mutter, your breath fogging up the window. You draw a smiley face on it absentmindedly, watching as the cityscape flies by.
“It’s not that safe. Besides, you’re on the way anyways.” Renjun’s lying, because you know where he lives, and it is most definitely not on the way. In fact, it’s likely added an extra fifteen minutes to his journey home, but you’re not going to protest with him further, especially when the rides are in your benefit.
Even though the both of you are able to continue an entertaining banter throughout the entirety of the radio program, you and Renjun seem to lapse more into silence once alone, likely due to fatigue as well. You suppose it’s also due to the fact that there’s not much need for words to be exchanged for you to feel comfortable in Renjun’s presence, him focused on the road and you with…well, nothing exactly. The drive is always a good time for you to clear your mind, considering Renjun’s careful enough and you completely trust him to get you back home safe.
“See you tomorrow,” he says once the both of you are in front of your apartment building and you wave to him before stepping out onto the pavement, watching as his car gradually disappears down the winding path.
When you reach home, you’re quick to fall into bed, already exhausted. You’ll shower tomorrow, you think, but for now, what you need is a good night’s sleep.
“Well, someone looks cranky.”
“Shut up, Haechan.”
“Even I don’t mess with Jaemin, Haechan. You should be careful,” Mark says, and Jaemin just nods. Haechan sighs dramatically, sinking back into the chair, and his antics are the first thing you see when you step into the office.
“Well, I hope no one’s cranky after what I bought,” you announce, paper bags with recognizable green logos in your hands. Jaemin immediately perks up, looking at you gratefully.
“You’re so much better than Haechan,” he says, a sound of indignance coming from the other boy at his statement.
“Eight shots for you- I don’t know how you actually drink that, by the way, an iced tea for Mark and a latte for Hyuck.” The boys mutter soft thank yous as they take the cups from you, leaving two inside. Your caramel macchiato, and someone else’s-
“Speak of the devil.” Renjun is quick to grab his drink from your outstretched hand, raising a brow at you. It takes a while for you to realise you said it out loud, and your cheeks turn red, quickly shaking your head. “I was just wondering where you were, and you walked in right after,” you explain, and he nods, stealing a sip of your drink before he goes to his seat. You’re used to it at this point, even if Renjun has already gotten his own cold brew. You had been the one to persuade the boy into trying your macchiato a few months ago, to no little amount of effort. After a while, he had caved, but Renjun would never admit that he liked your drink more than his own.
“Today’s meeting is quite important, which is why I asked you guys to meet early.”
“At nine in the morning, no less,” Jaemin mumbles, and there’s barely audible laughter from the other two boys in the room. You had been wondering why Mark had texted the groupchat asking all of you to come down to the office early.
This morning, you had stumbled out of bed groggily when your alarm awoke you, running to the bathroom when you realised you might be late. The coffee had simultaneously been an apology and a distraction, but it ended up not mattering as much, since Renjun had arrived later than you.
“We need to discuss our plans for the second half of the year. If you guys want to revamp your programmes, change something about it, or anything.”
Haechan raises his hand quickly. “I think 37.5MHz should be extended to four hours.”
“No one wants to hear you talk for four hours, Haechan,” Renjun replies, and Haechan looks at him incredulously.
“Just because you can’t appreciate the masterpiece that is my voice, doesn’t mean others won’t-”
“Let’s stay focused, guys,” Mark reminds, but even he’s struggling slightly to maintain a serious expression on his face. The five of you are already familiar with each other at this point, being the ones to host the weekday special programs.
Mark’s in charge of the broadcast from ten in the morning to noon, his programme aptly titled Mark’s Music Space. You had come up with it at a meeting once, and he ended up liking it a lot more than you expected.
At two, Jaemin’s the one in the studio, a cup of coffee always by his side. Which is accurate, you suppose, since his entire programme is cafe-themed. He’s the one in charge of curating most of the playlists for the station, considering how well-versed the boy is in picking songs based on the mood.
Haechan takes over at five with 37.5Mhz, brightening the natural lull of the afternoons with his cheery personality. The boy runs it almost like a podcast at this point, often spending more time chatting than playing music. Still, if his ratings are anything to go by, you suppose there is an audience that he appeals to.
And then at nine, it’s you and Renjun’s turn, with Love.fm. The most interesting program, in your opinion, but you’ll never tell the other guys that, because they’ll definitely begin arguing with you incessantly. Still, you’re proud of how much work you and Renjun have put in, taking hours to plan out your themes and filtering through the listeners’ letters personally.
“Y/N, Renjun. Anything you guys want to change?” You look up at Mark, shaking your head. “I’m happy with the program.” “Me too,” Renjun replies, and you grin at him.
Jaemin lets out a slight chuckle, Haechan right after him, and you cast a pointed glance at the two. “What?” Jaemin quickly shakes his head, expression becoming blank once again. “Nothing.”
You look at Mark’s hesitant expression, and decide to just bite the bullet. “Mark, what is it?” The boy’s expression is stricken as he meets your gaze, and he coughs slightly before continuing. “Oh..um…I was gonna ask if you and Renjun wanted to make Love.fm a viewable broadcast.”
”Why don’t I get a viewable broadcast?”
“Because you post everything on your Instagram already. If I was your fan, I wouldn’t want to see your face anymore,” Jaemin responds, and Haechan huffs petulantly.
“Like….a live stream?” Renjun asks hesitantly, and Mark nods. “Yeah. Your program is already so popular, and I think a lot of the listeners are quite curious about what you guys look like. It would be a good idea for publicity. Of course, you don’t have to do a viewable one every day, it could be once a week, or something,” he explains, and you consider the idea briefly. It isn’t a bad one. You’re not someone who’s particularly afraid of the camera, and neither is Renjun. The idea’s almost exciting, the fact that you and Renjun are something like mini-celebrities because of your programme.
“I’m down if Renjun is,” you say, smiling, and Mark looks relieved, turning to your partner. “Sure,” Renjun says, and Mark claps his hands together. “Great! We can do the first one on Monday? For everyone else, Seulgi’s also discussing with the publicity team about getting us to film additional content, so I’ll keep you guys updated on that.”
You realise now that this is likely Seulgi’s idea, and it makes sense, really. When you had first started the job, you hadn’t expected the listeners to show so much support for their show hosts. Jaemin, Haechan and Mark have something of their own following as well. The five of you have potential as media personalities, and it's obvious that Seulgi’s making good use of it.
“Want to get breakfast?” Renjun asks, leaning over to your seat. “Yes please, I’m starving.” You grab your things and follow him out, waving goodbye to the others in the room.
As you pass by the recording studio, you hear faint voices filtering out of the room.
“Welcome to Chenji’s this….”
“And that!” You immediately recognize Jisung’s baritone and see the two younger boys inside, already rehearsing for their show. “They’ve improved a lot,” you comment, a fond smile on your face as you watch the two.
“I remember when they first joined. Jisung couldn’t even say one sentence without stuttering,” Renjun adds, and you let out a soft giggle. “Well, it’s thanks to you that he’s so good now. Don’t act like you didn’t stay up practising with him.” Renjun’s cheeks redden at your comment, but you know it’s true. Despite his colder exterior, Renjun is caring to the ones closest to him, and has a soft spot for the nervous youngest. It’s something you’ve noticed about him after spending so much time together, his quiet acts of service.
“What are you thinking about?” Renjun asks as the both of you step out into the bright morning sunlight. He looks nice today, brown corduroy jacket over a white shirt and jeans.
“I like your outfit today,” you comment, not catching the way Renjun’s breath hitches, his pulse speeding up just barely.
“Are you just saying this because you want the jacket?”
“No promises.”
When I see you happy Naturally, I'm laughing along I get excited by your actions and toss and turn
Technically, you shouldn’t even be nervous. But you can’t shake the tension that grips you, despite the two cups of hot chamomile that you’ve already consumed. It’s okay, you tell yourself. Today is like any other broadcast, Y/N.
“We just hit fifty thousand listeners,” Seulgi announces, and you sigh shakily, hearing Mark let out a low whistle at the news. You take it back. Today isn’t like any other broadcast. That’s close to double your usual number. Your train of thoughts- more like a nervous trainwreck at this point, really- is brought to a halt by the feeling of a warm hand on yours.
“You okay?” Renjun asks, his gaze warm, and you feel your heartrate slow down slightly. It’s not that you don’t want this- you’re quite excited, to be honest, but there’s also a little fear at the viewers’ reactions.
“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he continues, out of earshot of the people outside. However, you’re quick to pull yourself out of it, shaking your head at Renjun. His concerned gaze doesn’t leave your figure, but you smile at him reassuringly.
“I’m fine. Ready as ever. Seulgi, shall we start?” You ask, and she nods, turning on the cameras. There’s a screen in front of you that shows the comments, but you decide not to look, instead focusing on your script and the camera.
“Hello, everyone! Today is a very special day. As you can see, Ren-D and I are meeting everyone for the first time via live stream.” Renjun waves shyly at that, and you automatically grin, nervousness easing slightly as you fall back into the routine of hosting.
“I feel like someone doing a face reveal,” Renjun points out, and you laugh slightly. “Yeah, me too. Honestly, I was so nervous.”
You’re feeling much better now, and it feels like any other evening in the broadcasting studio, Renjun next to you, script in hand.
“Let me read out our first letter today, from user tyongya.”
Dear Y/N-D and Ren-D,
You have no idea how excited I was for the broadcast today! I wrote this letter because I’ve been in a relationship with someone for two years, but we haven’t told each other we love each other yet. What is love to the both of you?
Thank you for this program, and I’m cheering both of you on!
“Oh…” you trail off as you think over your reply, head tilted. “Wow, that’s a big question,” Renjun comments, and you nod.
“I think love is wanting to see the other person happy, no matter what. Like, seeing them smile makes you smile too. That’s the simplest way I can put it,” you finally state, and Renjun makes a sound of agreement.
“Y/N said it well. If I love someone, I think I would place their happiness above my own. Personally, I would say that loving someone means that being with them makes you want to be a better person, both for them and for yourself.” Renjun’s looking at you as he says it, and his voice takes on a noticeably softer tone. You’re suddenly unable to look at him for some reason, gaze darting downwards to your script nervously.
Once you regain your composure, you continue, even though the back of your neck still feels warm for some reason.
“Yes, don’t forget that self-love is important too, guys,” you say, and Renjun chuckles, causing you to inevitably let out a laugh of your own as well. He’s smiling brightly, and you’re not sure whether it’s because of the excitement of doing a live video broadcast, but you can’t hold back the wide grin that appears resolutely on your features as well.
“Now, our next song is Love, Maybe by Melomance. User tyongya, this is for you. We hope you find love soon!”
“I knew you would recommend Love, Maybe,” Renjun says, a teasing smirk on his face. “It’s a good song!” you defend, and he doesn’t reply, causing you to jab him softly with your elbow.
“Say it’s a good song, or I won’t stop playing it in the car,” you threaten, leaning towards him until your faces are close. Renjun leans back playfully, away from you, and you only lean closer, eyes questioning.
Until your headphone wire gets caught, causing you to stumble forward into his chair. Renjun’s quick to catch you, and you turn to look at him, only realising your faces are a hair’s breadth away from each other when it’s too late.
You’re quite sure you’ve stopped breathing as you look into Renjun’s wide eyes. It seems like forever before he quickly regains his senses and puts some distance between the both of you, standing up from his chair and letting out a nervous cough.
You’re still in a daze, cheeks already reddening with their familiar flush.
”Guys, good job on the broadcast today- are you two alright?” Seulgi glances confusedly at the both of you as she steps in, and Renjun is the first to respond.
“Yeah…we’re fine. What did you say?” He asks, and Seulgi looks rather doubtful, even as she grins at the both of you.
“We broke our viewer record today. And you guys should see the comments,” she adds, handing the both of you her laptop. You scroll absentmindedly, taking a while to focus. There are thousands of them, coming in at a mile a minute even though the broadcast’s over.
Wow….the both of them look exactly how they sound. And I love their voices, so that speaks for itself.
Y/N looks like she could be a celebrity! And Renjun too.
It’s hard to conceal your happy smile at the positive comments, even if it’s shallow to care about your appearance. Renjun catches your eyes, and the previous tension seems to be dispelled. You continue scrolling down, not entirely ready for the next barrage of comments.
The more I think about it, Renjun and Y/N look so good together.
These two are so compatible…I wonder if they’re dating?
Wouldn’t it be so cute if they were a couple? They even run Love.fm together…it’s like something out of a fiction book.
You cough abruptly, cheeks flushing as Seulgi looks at you, concerned. Renjun seems to have noticed them too, handing the laptop back and averting his gaze from where you’re standing. You hear the door open, and realise the midnight news broadcast must be starting soon.
“Right, you guys must be tired. Go home and rest,” she nags, almost pushing the both of you out of the recording studio. You don’t even bother to resist her, thoughts hung up on the comments from the listeners.
There’s an awkward silence that hangs over you and Renjun as the both of you leave the company building, and you fiddle with your fingers, unsure of what to say. It continues even as you enter the car, and Renjun seems to feel it too, for he immediately plays music the moment the both of you get in.
You lean your head against the headrest, occasionally taking quick glances at Renjun when you think he isn’t looking. It makes you feel nervous somehow, as if you’re doing something you shouldn’t.
His profile is soft under the streetlights, silver hair shining brightly even in the darkness. You remember when he had first walked in with it, and you stared at him open-mouthed in shock. It was such a stark contrast from his previous raven black hair, and yet seemed to make his features glow even brighter. The thought makes your heart flutter against your own will. You’re bewildered at the strange feeling, and yet can’t seem to tear your eyes away from the boy.
“You’re staring. Is something wrong?” Renjun’s direct question causes you to sit up immediately, heart rate stumbling. “Nope, nothing,” you stutter out, stubbornly turning your gaze out the car window, just in time for you to miss the amused smile on Renjun’s face.
“Y/N, wait.” Your hand is on the car handle when Renjun halts you outside your apartment building. You turn back to look at him, tote bag already in your grasp. “What is it?” The silver-haired boy falls silent at that, seeming to hesitate over something. You’re patient, however, leaning back into the seat just as you recognise the next song that has started playing through his car speakers.
I'm gettin' really tired of this back and forth Why don't we just give in to this driving force? I mean, there's somethin' between us
The lyrics make your brain short-circuit, and you can’t help but interpret them in the context of the situation, filling your heart with a heady sort of hope as you look at Renjun. It feels like you’re wading into unfamiliar waters, but something tells you to keep going.
“You did well today.”
“Huh?” You’re brought back down to reality, Renjun’s words grounding you.
”You were nervous, but you got through it. I’m proud of you. That’s what I wanted to say, I guess,” he mumbles, and the words are sweet, warming your heart.
“That wasn’t what I was expecting,” you say reflexively, and he turns to you. “Were you expecting something else?” His gaze is strangely searching as he turns to you, almost as if he’s silently beseeching you to say something else as well. However, you’re seized by nerves, and quickly shake your head.
“No, nothing. Thank you, Renjun. You did well today too. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”
Even then, you feel a sense of disappointment, but you can’t possibly blame him for your own overactive imagination. It must be the comments getting to your head, you think, as you step out of the car and Renjun waves to you.
Still, you can’t shake the thought of Renjun being more to you, of the both of you being more than just colleagues and friends. It’s never been something that’s come to mind, and yet made glaringly obvious by the events of today. The way you are starting to find it harder to let your eyes stray from his features, the drives home with him becoming the most treasured moments of your day.
The answer’s simple, really. Stupidly simple that you should have figured it out a long time ago, considering the fact that the both of you run a romance advisory programme. You have feelings for Renjun. Not-so-platonic feelings, if the speeding up of your heartbeat in the past few days are any indication.
You only remember the second half of the lyrics when you’re on your sofa, the lyrics of the song that was playing in Renjun’s car.
If I'm on your mind You know that you're on my mind I don't want to fall in love alone
“I don’t want to fall in love alone either,” you say to no one in particular, the only accompaniment being the four walls of your studio apartment. You’re at a loss on what to do with Renjun, haunted by both the endless possibilities and the fear of rejection.
Love is hard when it comes to Renjun, and you’re not sure if all your experience with hosting will have any use.
It’s two days before Renjun sees you in the studio again. On Tuesday, he had been waiting for you outside, before Seulgi had fired a quick text saying you had called in sick.
When you were absent from your seat beside him on Wednesday, there had been a foreign feeling of emptiness in the studio, compounded by the fact that you had yet to reply Renjun’s messages. Even then, he tries to make the program as engaging as possible, assuming that you’re home resting.
It’s not the same, no matter how hard he tries. It’s not the same without you.
By the time you step into the recording booth, Renjun’s positively overcome with worry, ready to jump out of his seat and hug you at the sight of you well and alive. However, he’s not sure if it will overwhelm you. He decides to force himself to stay where he is, fiddling anxiously with his fingers as his eyes follow you around the room. You smile pensively at him when you catch his gaze. In truth, you hadn’t been sick. You were just scared of seeing Renjun, especially immediately after being confronted with the weight of your new feelings.
The introduction passes as usual, and you put in extra effort to make your voice bright and cheery after your absence, knowing that the listeners must have missed you. Even then, Renjun can detect a note of artificiality in your voice, almost as if you’re deliberately trying to present yourself that way. Maybe you’re still feeling sick, he thinks, and feels a pang of guilt for hounding you with his messages. However, he already has medicine in his bag, and a heat pack for you later, just to make sure you recover as quickly as possible.
You’re less talkative than usual today, giving short replies outside of the programme itself. Renjun tries not to let it unnerve him, but he’s not sure how to reach out to you.
“Renjun, can you read the next letter, please?” You ask cheerfully, the way your emotions switch up from lethargic to energetic becoming rather disarming to him. “Oh yes, of course,” he says, panicking slightly as he fumbles with his script, lost in thought.
Dear Ren-D and Y/N-D,
Hello! I’m not sure if you can call me a regular listener, but I’m very familiar with this program. I wrote this letter because of a very big dilemma I have. I think I have feelings for a good friend of mine, who also happens to be a colleague. But confessing might make our relationship awkward, and I don’t want to ruin it for us. At the same time, my feelings are so strong that I don’t know what to do with them.
“This is from user caramelmacchiato,” Renjun adds at the end, and you’re awfully silent as he looks at you, waiting to see if you’ll reply first. When you don’t speak after a while, he decides to go first.
“I think you should go for it,” he encourages, and the only thing he hears from you is a sharp inhale, causing Renjun to furrow his brows in concern.
“Often, we don’t have control over what we feel, or the people we like. I think it’s better to confess first. If he’s really someone you like that much, I’m sure he’s a good person who will understand your emotions, and the friendship won’t break apart that easily,” he continues, and you’re staring at Renjun now, a stricken expression on your face.
“And…for all you know, user caramelmacchiato, your friend just might like you back too.” Renjun’s mouth tilts up in a grin as he says it, his heart fluttering strangely for some reason. It definitely doesn’t help that your gaze is riveted on him, and Renjun runs a hand through his hair self-consciously. You’ve always made him nervous, even if you’ve known him for more than a year.
He quickly remembers that the both of you are on live broadcast, however, Seulgi and Jeno still watching. “Y/N?” he asks, and you shake your head as if clearing your mind from a fog.
“Oh, yes. Good luck, um…user caramelmacchiato.” Your voice is slightly high-pitched and squeaky, and it’s obvious you’re nervous, though Renjun can’t think of a reason why.
“As the night comes to a close, we have one last song for you. This is Fall in Love Alone by Stacey Ryan. Goodnight everyone!” You successfully bring the programme to a finale, and Jeno ends the broadcast.
Renjun’s quick to grab his things and make his way over to you, but you’re two steps ahead of him, almost jumping out of your chair once the microphone is off. He stares at you from where he is, and sees the same confused expression on Seulgi’s face. It’s unlike you to simply just up and leave, especially when Renjun is the one sending you home. And he doubts you have plans after midnight.
When he enters the hallway, there’s no sign of you, and Renjun worries his lip in frustration. He’s not stupid. There must be something wrong, somewhere. He thinks back to each of his interactions with you over the past week, picking each of them apart moment by moment in his brain.
The both of you had called to discuss the live broadcast four days ago, and ended up watching a movie together. And then it was the broadcast itself, where he sent you home afterwards. Where he had been so close to saying something that was on the tip of his tongue, but didn’t.
The next two days, you had disappeared without contact while you were sick.
There had to be something he was missing.
Maybe Saturday? But nothing happened other than the morning meeting. When the both of you had gotten breakfast after you bought him a matcha latte and got yourself a…
“Oh God,” he mutters to himself, the puzzle pieces falling into place. It’s not an entirely plausible idea, and Renjun’s pretty sure he’s making connections based on pure gut feeling. Still, it’s too much of a coincidence. Or maybe it isn’t. The way you’re acting, the song that you chose today to finish the broadcast, they fill Renjun’s heart with just the tiniest bit of hope.
He really has to find you now.
Renjun’s grateful he wore his better pair of sneakers today as he rushes out of the building, eyes scanning the place for your familiar figure.
It’s almost a solid five minutes of his heartbeat thundering in his ears until he spots you, walking in the direction of the intersection, and then he’s running.
Renjun reaches you right as the light turns green, grabbing your hand and causing you to spin around in shock. You’ve got your headphones on, and the sudden disturbance leaves your eyes wide in shock. You don’t even resist as Renjun drags you to a bench, motioning for you to sit next to him.
You guessed he would ask about your odd behaviour eventually. You just didn’t expect it to be so soon. The area is deserted except for the both of you, and Renjun’s still slightly out of breath as he sits next to you.
You don’t dare to look at him. It’s a cloudless day today, and you can see clearly even though there’s barely any lighting, thanks to the moon.
“Well, I’m sure you have something to say-” you start, but you’re quickly cut off by Renjun.
“User caramelmacchiato. That’s you, isn’t it?” His question causes your heart to stutter to a stop, and you’re hoping you heard him wrong. Still, the resounding silence tells you that you heard him exactly.
Honestly, you should probably have picked a better username. You’re kicking yourself for it now, realising you overlooked Renjun’s natural knack for observation. Your silence makes it obvious that he’s right, and the boy next to you lets out a soft sigh, causing your heart to fall slightly.
Your posture is tense, already prepared for the sting of inevitable rejection. “It’s okay if you don’t like me, Renjun, really, I’ll be fine-” you’re cut off by his palm over your mouth, and you stare at him incredulously. Renjun, for his part, looks frustrated, forehead scrunched as he turns to face you.
“Will you let me speak for one second?” He says exasperatedly, and you nod.
“I was right about the friend. He likes you back too,” Renjun mutters, and you stare at him for a few seconds too long before the words sink in. You push his hand away roughly, your lips falling open into an expression of shock.
“What?” Renjun shrugs at the disbelief on your face. “Is it that hard to believe?”
“No, it’s just that the both of us-” You’re quickly silenced again, but this time, instead of his hand, Renjun’s lips are on yours. He’s kissing you, and you’re frozen, eyes wide.
Renjun fills with alarm when you’re unresponsive, and he’s wondering if he’s made a terrible, terrible mistake. He’s just about to pull away, when there’s a tug on his hoodie. You’re kissing him back, and he can hear nothing but his heartbeat.
Renju’s not one for physical affection, but he thinks he might be dreaming. You’re definitely topping the list of people he doesn’t mind being touchy with, and he might just seek it out himself.
It seems like too soon when you finally pull away, but Renjun doesn’t mind. After all, he’s hoping that the both of you have plenty of time, to do….whatever this is. There’s still a tiny part of him, however, that fears the thought of you realising this was a mistake and running away.
That fear quickly disappears when you break out into the most radiant smile Renjun has ever seen, causing him to let out an exhale of relief, and you burst out in giggles at his expression. “What?”
“Nothing. I’m just happy,” you confess, and Renjun’s heart feels so full, so light, as you lean against him.
“I think I liked you the first day you walked into our office. I was just too much of a coward to consider even dating a colleague,” you continue, and Renjun lets a fond smile make its way onto his face.
“If you’re a coward, then I’m an idiot for not realising sooner. Will you let me send you home now?” At your soft nod, Renjun extends a hand out to you, relishing the feeling of your smaller palm in his.
It may have taken a year of waiting, confusion, and a whole lot of running, but Renjun finally has you, and he’s never going to let you go, not if you’ll have him.
“Ren-D, some of our readers are asking about your first love. Do you have any fun stories to share?”
There’s a teasing lilt to your voice, and the only thing preventing Renjun from rolling his eyes is the fact that the camera is currently panned to him.
“No fun stories, unfortunately, but I do have a reader’s letter to share.”
“Oh?”
Renjun clears his throat, feeling strangely nervous.
Dear Y/N-D and Ren-D,
Yesterday, I finally found the courage to chase after someone that I liked, and looking back, I think they might be my first love. I didn’t realise it until they confessed to me first, but I found myself missing their presence unconsciously when they were gone. I think many of us don’t realize how precious someone is until they’re no longer there. Hence, to all the fellow listeners here, I hope that you’ll live without regrets, and bravely chase your first love no matter what!
“Oh,” you exhale softly, eyes wide. The letter was strangely sentimental, heavy for a program such as yours. You can see the comments flowing in, and you’re sure many of them feel the same as you now.
“This person is really good with words,” you comment, and Renjun huffs a laugh, almost like he’s hiding a secret.
“This is from user matchalatte,” he says, and you nod absentmindedly in response, before you freeze, head whipping to look at him. The corners of his mouth are tilted up in a smirk, and you’re staring at him, before realising that the cameras are now panned to the both of you.
There’s heat rushing to your cheeks now, realising that you know who exactly user matchalatte is. Of course it’s him. Only Renjun would think of returning the gesture, just to see your reaction on broadcast.
“Um.” You’re not yet able to formulate words to respond, even though you know that Seulgi and Jeno are likely in the other room watching you both, along with tens of thousands of listeners. Renjun lets out a soft laugh at your starstruck expression, and it causes your heart to skip a beat at his happy expression.
“The next song we have for everyone is Je T’aime by Joy. We’ll be back after the break!” Renjun smoothly takes over your line while you’re still distracted, and embarrassingly enough, it makes you melt even more.
The gentle notes of the starting piano play are audible throughout the studio, and you jolt with familiarity, eyes meeting Renjun’s. You had added this to his playlist while the both of you were drafting the program schedule, and even though he had been ambivalent to the song at first, you found the album sitting on your desk a week later.
Honestly, you should have realised it sooner. That he was the one you wanted to have morning coffee runs and midnight drives with. The person whose playlists you would listen to and whose favourite songs you would save.
Je t’aime. It’s an expression of love, but you don’t think all the languages in the world are enough to describe the way you feel with Renjun. He makes you feel like you’re floating, but at the same time the one who’s grounding you, a tethering force that makes you feel safe.
There’s a consistency to the way Renjun cares for you, the way he makes a space for himself so easily in your life that he feels like home. Having his love has already become a force of habit, one that you never want to break.
The beeping of the timer reminds you that the advertisement break is up, and you’ve managed to regain some semblance of composure externally, even though there’s still a light pink dusting your cheeks.
“Welcome back to Love.fm with Ren-D and Y/N! Today’s a chilly Friday evening, so let us accompany you into the weekend. Send in any romantic worries you have, and we’ll answer each and every one of them,” you start, and narrowly avoid stuttering when a hand encapsulates yours under the desk. You flash a warning glance at Renjun despite your previous nervousness, but the boy simply has a smug grin on his face.
Still, despite his teasing, you’ll gladly give anything to live in these moments forever, him next to you with his headphones on and script in hand.
Stay by my side like a delicate scent I guess I love you, I'm in love I hope this pleasant feeling will never change
He knows you're watching from across the dance floor. That's exactly what he wants.
You curl your fingers around a glass of bourbon, chugging the drink as you watch how the woman in front of him drags her nails across his chest.
He leans into the touch, waiting for you to do something, anything, but you don't.
Instead, you simply turn around and ignore his presence altogether. The worst form of punishment you can give a bratty sub is no punishment at all.
Renjun loves getting punished, so you'd rather not give him what he wants. Especially not when he's purposely provoking your jealousy.
So you order another drink, chugging that one as well.
Renjun frowns when he glances at you. He doesn't like being ignored. So he takes the woman's hand and guides her to the area of the dance floor right next to you.
She grazes her fingers around his neck, chest against his along to the beat of the music.
You still don't turn around.
So Renjun huffs, turning the woman around so he can grind against her ass. This was too dangerous, even for him, but he doesn't care.
He will get a reaction out of you.
The woman moans loud, catching your attention. You turn around in curiosity only for your skin to burn in rage. He knows ths right buttons to push.
But all you do is snicker and take another sip as Renjun practically fucks the whore in front of you.
You know he doesn't like it. He'd rather be in her position, against your chest while you sneak your hands down the waistband of his pants.
You call the bartender over and ask for your tab to pay; you thank him.
So many drinks and half of them belong to your lovely boyfriend. You get up, leaving the club without looking back at him.
Renjun panics and abandons the woman in the middle of her desperate humping. He chases after you, watching you get into an Uber.
He quickly catches up to you, getting in without a word.
You hide your smirk knowing he'd run after you. He always does. But the way he has his hands folded against his lap tells you he's anticipating something to happen once you get home.
And when the door closes, he expects you to slam him against the it, squeezing his neck with an angry look in your eye.
But you don't.
You just walk to your shared bedroom and grab clothes to shower. He's a pouting and frustrated mess while listening to the water run from outside the door.
You locked it so he wouldn't join you—you two always shower together.
And when you get out of the shower, already dressed, he's crying. He tries to touch you, but you swat his hands away. This was the first time you acknowledge him all night.
He takes the rejection hard and starts shaking, slipping further into sub space than normal. You've never rejected him before.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Mommy, please talk to me.
Silence.
He hates it.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: I need you so bad, Mommy. Wanna feel you.
Still nothing.
It wasn't until he curls into a ball and harsh sobs sneak passed his lips that he feels your fingers run through his hair.
He preens at your touch, sniffling to hopefully calm his embarrassing crying down.
𝗬/𝗡: And what lesson have you learned today?
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Not take things too far.
𝗬/𝗡: And?
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Dunno.
You hum, removing your hand from his hair. He whines, chasing after your touch. His cheek rests on your thigh, pressing a small kiss to your skin.
You go back to giving him head pats. He melts, adjusting his body so his crotch meets your leg.
He looks so helpless while humping against you, so you begin to laugh.
𝗬/𝗡: Aww, poor baby.
He cries again at your faux sympathy and condescending attitude that makes him feel so small and stupid.
You just had to rub it in further.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Mommy, please forgive me.
𝗬/𝗡: Do you love me?
He panics, halting his movements to look up at you properly.
His heart drops seeing tears forming in your eyes—you never cry around him.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: I do love you! You're the only one for me, Mommy. Promise.
𝗬/𝗡: Didn't feel like it. You seemed happier with that stranger.
He shakes his head so hard, he almost gets whiplash.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: She didn't even get me hard, Mommy. Only you can do that.
You know that, you're just messing with him. It's so easy to get him to beg for your forgiveness like this. It's also fun to watch his face scrunch up with guilt.
He's just so adorable.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Are you jealous?
𝗬/𝗡: Of course I'm jealous. You're my boyfriend.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: I'm sorry for hurting you.
You can't even hold back your laughter anymore. His eyebrows furrow in confusion as you hold your stomach.
𝗬/𝗡: God, you're so easy. My pathetic little baby.
It gives him hope that you called him yours, even if it's to degrade him.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: I don't like when you ignore me, Mommy.
𝗬/𝗡: Yeah? Then you should think about that when you cross a fucking line with me. It's one thing to let someone else touch you, but it's completely disrespectful when you're the one humping her.
He frowns, climbing onto your lap and wraps his arms around your neck. He plants small kisses all over your face until he feels you relax.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: I'll ask you next time I want you to be rough with me. I won't do that to you again.
𝗬/𝗡: Good boy.
He finally smiles, brightening up the room even though tears still fill his eyes.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Can you play with me now? Humping your leg made me even more horny for you.
You laugh and rub your hands up amd down his back in adoration.
𝗬/𝗡: The "no punishment" punishment was that bad, huh?
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: S'Horrible. I sat here very frustrated because my plan didn't work. You were in the shower and ignoring how horny I was, still am, and all I got was head pats.
𝗬/𝗡: You love head pats!
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: But I want you to fuck me, Mommy. So bad.
𝗬/𝗡: Why don't you beg for it?
He whines, hiding his face in your neck. He hates begging when his dick is being compressed in his jeans, so painful and sticky.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Mommy, please. Need you to fuck me.
𝗬/𝗡: Tell me how much you love me.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: So much! Want to marry you one day.
𝗬/𝗡: Yeah?
He nods, sucking some bruises on your neck. He nibbles on your skin, teeth grazing your vein. He knows you love that.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Want kids with you some day.
𝗬/𝗡: I do, too.
You start guiding his hips so he can grind down on you. He lets out a moan so loud, you laugh again.
𝗬/𝗡: Such a needy little boy. Why don't you take your clothes off while I do the same, hm?
He climbs off and eagerly gets naked. You swiftly take your shirt off with one hand and expose your breasts. He moans just looking at you.
You pull your shorts off and wait for him to settle down on your lap again.
𝗬/𝗡: Turn over, baby.
He's confused to what you mean, so you flip him over, laid across your lap with his ass in the air.
Oh.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: M-Mommy?
𝗬/𝗡: Thought you wanted this, hm?
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Well, I did, but-
𝗬/𝗡: Then shut the fuck up and take it like the good bitch you are.
He moans when your hand smacks down on his left ass cheek.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: O-One.
You smack him again, with more force this time. He yelps, falling forward and arching his back even more than he already was.
𝗬/𝗡: I was so mad when I saw you grinding against that bitch. Wanted to strangle her.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Two.
You hit him again, earning another moan.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Three.
𝗬/𝗡: I hate it when they look at you, let alone touch you. So fucking much. You know you're mine, don't you?
You spank him again, and again, and again.
You don't even let him count anymore with how angry you're getting.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Mommy, hurts!
𝗬/𝗡: I asked a fucking question.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: I'm yours! Mommy's the only one for me!
𝗬/𝗡: That's right. Only I can make you feel like this.
He lets out the most lewd moan you've ever heard from him when your thigh brushes against the tip of his leaking cock.
𝗬/𝗡: Get up.
He watches you grab his special box. He almost broke another rule by touching himself in excitement, but he held back.
𝗬/𝗡: Lay down.
He complies, spreading his body on your shared bed.
You take two leather cuffs and strap his legs against the wood. You use rope to tie him onto the headboard.
He gasps when you grab the vibrating cock ring, sliding it down his shaft to the base of his already hard dick. He squirms when you turn it on.
𝗬/𝗡: You were a very bad boy, tonight. Made Mommy angry.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: I'm sorry! So, very sorry!
𝗬/𝗡: Too late for apologies. Don't you think?
He whines, crying from the climbing intensity of the toy.
He's got his eyes screwed shut, not paying attention to you hooking on your strap. The one with the biggest dildo attached to it.
You grab the lube before climbing over him. He opens his eyes and screams.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Too big! Won't fit.
𝗬/𝗡: I'll make it fit.
He squeals when you cover his ass in lube. You prod his hole with your middle finger, slowly pushing it inside.
Your boyfriend's eyes roll to the back of his head. Not only are you pumping your finger in him, but the cock ring was making it impossible to hold back.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Gonna come.
You smirk, turning off the toy and halting your movements. He cries in confusion, trying to move against your fingers. His stomach hurts as the feeling goes away.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Why'd you stop, Mommy?
𝗬/𝗡: Don't be greedy, slut. This is still a punishment.
Tears stream down his face as you hold his hips in place. This was evil, too mean.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Wanna come. Please let me come.
𝗬/𝗡: No.
Now he realizes why you tied him up. It was so he wouldn't stop you from edging him.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Stop being mean, Mommy. I said sorry lots of times.
𝗬/𝗡: And yet, you still had the audacity to give another bitch a feel of my fucking cock.
He throws a tantrum, pulling at his restraints in protest. It wasn't until he felt pain against his thighs that his body goes limp.
𝗬/𝗡: You're still being a very bad boy. Guess I'm gonna have to keep your punishment going.
You shove two more fingers in him, causing him to choke on his moans.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Wait, Mommy, I'm sorry!
You turn the cock ring on, immediately going to the highest setting and watch Renjun fall apart.
You open and close your fingers inside him while the cock ring stimulates his pre-cum covered dick.
He screams when your fingers brush against his prostate, bringing him closer to another orgasm.
This time, he doesn't warn you about it. But you know he is close when he clenches around your fingers.
So you turn the toy off again and pull your fingers away from him.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Mommy, no! Wanted to come!
𝗬/𝗡: Only good boys get to come.
He pulls on the ropes again, but it's no use.
They won't break.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: I'm so sorry! I swear I'll be a good boy!
You hum, hovering over him as the tip of the dildo glides against his welcoming hole. He desperately wants you to fuck him senseless.
𝗬/𝗡: Are you sure you deserve it?
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Yes! Please, please, please! I'll be so good for you, Mommy.
𝗬/𝗡: Well then. Let's see if you've earned it.
You slowly slide the dildo into him. He screams at the huge stretch, not used to this size at all. It was thicker than the other ones, too.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Too much!
𝗬/𝗡: It's not even halfway in, baby.
That makes it worse. He's already this destroyed over the thickness, what more can it do?
It wasn't until it was completely inside does he feel just how full he was. He can practically feel it in his guts, so you press lightly against the lower part of his abdomen, making him moan.
𝗬/𝗡: Feel that?
He nods, a glazed look in his eye.
He relaxes against the mattress, a sign that you can move now.
You thrust slow, yet deep inside him. You kiss him, tongue exploring his mouth for the millionth time. You can never get enough of him.
You pound into him, turning on the ring again.
That seems to bring him back to reality with a loud and pitched moan. He can only grip onto the ropes as you break him open.
He's a desperate mess as you edge him a few more times. He's in so much pain and distress, that he'll do anything to get to cum.
Even beg.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Mommy, can I please come? It hurts so much. Wanna show you how good you make me feel. I'll be a good boy from now on, no making Mommy mad. Just please let me come.
And how could you say no to that?
Well, it's pretty easy, but he's suffered enough for now.
𝗬/𝗡: Make a mess for me, prince.
He coats the ring and his stomach in a lot of white slick. He cries in relief at finally being able to release. You've never denied him an orgasm before, so he'll remember to never piss you off again.
This was torture.
𝗬/𝗡: Look at that. You made a mess of yourself!
The cock ring stays on, overstimulating the poor boy.
His toes curl, arching his back into you as you continue to abuse his tiny hole with the big dildo. It's too much, seeing as Renjun's cumming again so easily.
You slow your pace, eventually coming to a stop. You pull out, loving the way Renjun moans at the empty feelng and clenches around nothing.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: I love you so much, Mommy.
You smile and give him a peck on the lips.
𝗬/𝗡: I love you, too. You okay?
He nods, eyes fluttering from exhaustion.
𝗬/𝗡: Mommy didn't get to come, yet.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Can I watch?
𝗬/𝗡: Of course, baby.
You take the strap off, and sit on his chest. He excitedly watches you slide your fingers up and down your own folds near his mouth.
You finger yourself until you squirt all over him.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Wanna taste.
You give him what he wants and pull his head against your dripping cunt. His tongue works wonders in cleaning you up, even giving you a second orgasm.
𝗬/𝗡: Such a good boy. Helping Mommy feel good.
He smiles against your clit, lapping his tongue up and down until you pull away again.
You remove the toy and his restraints, carrying him to the bathroom and give him a nice and relaxing bath.
He was a giggling mess as you massage his scalp.
𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡: Can we cuddle before bed?
𝗬/𝗡: Yes we can, baby. Anything for you.
• 𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲: i need to stop bestie from giving me ideas on twt (never calling it x, ew) they feed the delusions everyday!!! enough!!! anyways, thank you for reading ‹𝟹
