I’m sure this is just my religious trauma but…
Strong Characters who force themselves to be constantly in control, perfectly disciplined. So used to self-denial that they’ve forgotten there was ever another option, so far removed from pleasure or vulnerability that the very idea churns their stomach- can only be banished by trying harder, being better.
Then someone comes along that threatens the entire facade. Someone worms their way into their brain, makes their tired heart race and iron stomach churn. A shy look, unavoidable contact during training, a brush with death- something they can’t hide from.
They break alone. Guiltily, sickly overwhelmed- unmet need spilling over into desperate masturbation- base humanity beating back repression. Feverishly fisting themselves in the isolation of their room, imagining impossibilities, softness and tenderness they can never offer, never keep.
