#rgu 33

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Hurtling ahead.

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It is darkly funny to have this line (though it’s Kozue speaking, not Anthy herself) over this image.

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Oh, I was well aware. Even if he’d read them, though, I really don’t think he’d have stopped.

I did notice her lips, but it seems to me that characters gain lipstick in dramatic scenes a lot; I’ve noticed it happening in the duelling arena a few times now. Maybe it’s just because I’m so much older than these characters, but I was being painfully aware of how young she is in that scene.

Yeah, no wonder people were preemptively warning me not to skip the recap episodes when the first one was coming up! And... there’s a point at which I don’t know if I can separate out comphet from genuine attraction, even for a fictional character (of course I wouldn’t try to do that for a real person; that’s their business.) Whether she’s attracted to him or not he’s fully taking advantage of her, and she’s telling herself she wants to be there to avoid processing what’s happening. It’s harrowing.

I can absolutely see that. It is genuinely gratifying to see horror framed as horror, as opposed to the kind of sly “we’re so edgy/sexy” thing that a lot of modern television does-- I know it’s a cliche example at this point, but when my parents were watching Game of Thrones I had to leave the room and put in earplugs because of how unsettlingly voyeuristic even scenes of rape and murder felt.

I’m so sorry you’ve been through something like this, and I hope you’re doing well.

(Neither I nor my screener can figure out which anonymous ask this goes to, but either way you’re fine don’t worry)

Oof, I’m sorry. I’m so glad I have time to clean my mind out a bit before I have to sleep. I have more than enough nightmares already, honestly....

I can see why-- the candelabra feels like a countdown; it’s inexorably progressing towards this, and Anthy is stuck in it, forced to be complicit. It’s horrifying. I am watching the sub, yes! And I had a pretty similar visceral reaction to it as you’ve described there, though my Japanese isn’t great. Utena’s VA is really good, though, and did an amazing job at making that whole scene bone-chillingly wrong. I look forward to where this all goes-- even just from the title I know the next episode will be a big one.

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Her eyes are closed. She doesn’t want to be here, holding on to her satchel, letting the wind blow through her hair while she pretends everything’s fine.

Nothing is ever fine in this car.

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And there it is.

I do wish I hadn’t been told to be on my guard. Not because I would have wanted to be more hurt by that scene, but because I’m not sure it’s possible; nothing would have really saved me from how sick and awful that was, and I wound up just on edge for a couple hours anyway. 

But things carry on. Utena is probably telling herself that she wanted this, and that she agreed, despite the fact that it probably wouldn’t have made a difference what she said, despite the fact he’s been manipulating and grooming her for over half the series. She probably won’t tell Anthy--  she’ll probably see it as something she did, something unfair of her, that would drive a stake between them, the taking away of the brother. I’d call it “bro code” if that wasn’t much too lighthearted of a phrase for this.

There’s not a lot of time left in the series for her to get out. God, I hope, I hope, I hope she does. For her sake, for Utena’s sake, for the sake of everyone stuck in this wretched place. Break the shell.

I’m going to watch the next-on, and then I’ll answer asks whenever my screener has a minute to pass them on, and other than that I’ll see you all next week.

I need... to watch a comfort movie after this.

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I’ve talked before about the emotional impact of repetition and alteration, but having this narration over something other than its usual illustrations is really freaking me out.

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I think you were the delivery, Utena. I’m so sorry.