🎄 for Rie and Kiri. Bonus points if they're both a little tipsy
@coconuttygrey
“‘Eeeeyyyy….joo missed a spaht!” Rie’sefu pointed to a open area of green that had nothing hanging at the pine needles. He had rummaged on through the box of ornaments and lifted a glass ornament of blue with silver snow flakes made of entirely of glitter. He holding it by the string as his hands were decorated in gold or silver glitter from handing each ornament to Kiri.
Having a bit of drink while taking the time to decorate one of the pine trees within the city. He felt a good buzz going on, chugging down a mug of spiked eggnog. Holding the glass ornament up to Kiri for her to place it where ever she saw fit or the area he had pointed out. When she was busy to place the ornament on the tree he reached out to poke her side. “Ding!”
The crowd was cheering once more after a few nights. Rie’sefu returned once he recovered from the poison of his last fight against Rotvine. Approaching his next challenge as Gurgthock called out for the next fight.
“Rie’sefu has survived the poison from Rotvine folks! This kid got more lives then a cat! Let’s begin with Morgor’s prized beast of them all! Dreshax, the Corpse Mauler! This worm has consumed the bones of countless fallen losers! Will Rie’sefu’s lives run out in this round! Will he and his companion come out alive!? Hey I don’t know all the answers folks but we are here to deliver a good show! Let out the next challenge!” Gurgthock shouted out. Causing the crowd to hollar and hoot in deep bellow sounds.
The ground began to tremble with something beneath on the move, stirring the dirt that began to billow as the creature was swimming through the ground as if it swam in water. Rie’sefu glared toward the ground and awaited for the creature to emerge. Leorajh snarled stepping back with his fur standing upon his shoulders, ears pinned and obviously not to keen on the worm that was causing the ground in the center to cave in. His tail lashed with his fangs bared while the worm began to rise up out of the ground. A large worm of dark grey in color with sharp legs and a large gaping mouth full of fangs.
The worm hissed, saliva dripping down it’s maw as it sought for it’s next victims. Rie’sefu looked to Leo and gave a nod. “Let’s end dis fight quick...” Unleashing his blades Rie’sefu moved in, he wasn’t in the mood to have this fight last long. The large worm swiftly came down to try to snatch Rie up into it’s jaws. Rie rolled forward and stay knelt as the creature snapped it’s jaws to grab nothing but dirt. Soon to leap up to deliver a hard sun kick from beneath, striking the hard armor of the worm with enough force to knock it back. The creature snarled while Leo was in the backround pelting the beast with his cast spells of lightening. Rie’sefu was on the move, quickly running to use his blades to strike the worms under belly once it was exposed. But each strike his blades would not cut nor stab through, the sound of metal clanking against it’s hard armor.
The creature swiped with it’s large body and sweep of it’s sharp legs that Rie’sefu would dodge out of the way. Leaping up into the air, seeking a weak spot as the back of the worm was just as protected, the armor much more harder and unable to get a true strike. “Leo! Dis worms skin is as thick--..!!”
Rie flipped backwards off of it’s head when Dreshax swung it’s head. “As armohr!” Rie shouted once he landed, getting out of the way when it’s jaws snapped down toward him once more.
“Boss look out!” Called Leo.
The worm began to dig back under the ground, obviously changing it’s stradegy. Sinking in quickly and began to move toward Leo. Leo leaped off of the ground to soar through the air and land on the other side of the arena, snarling as he turned sharply to watch where the worm was going. Soon two smaller worms emerged from the ground and spat out a ring of poison that Leo was standing in. Swift to move to leap out of the poison before it sets in by breathing or contact upon him. “Rie’sefu!” Roared out Leo as the smaller worms were going for Rie.
With Dreshax under ground and on the move, Rie called out. “Leo dun let dem kite ya’ to tha’ bigga’ worm!” He stood in his stance ready to cut down the small worms that chased after, instead of running he was sure his blades could sink into these smaller creatures. Their mandibles clacked together as they hissed out. Rie stunned the small group of worms with a quick knock back sweep kick. By a motion of his blades he sliced each worm, the blade biting through their softer underbelly causing their innards to spill out. The worms hissed into the air before each fell over, mandibles twitching until they curled up. Only one small worm was still alive, injured but chasing after Rie.
The ground soon began to shake, Rie and Leo keeping away from the poisoned area and preparing for more smaller worms to emerge but the larger one had come up instead. It roared out it’s fury, focusing on Rie’sefu once more. The crowd cheered on as the fight continued.
Rie’sefu quickly took out the last small worm, stabbing his blade down it’s cranim as he yelled out. “Leo! Blood Lust!” With another saberon roar Rie could feel his adrenaline surge through his body, his strength increased as he ran toward the larger worm. Using his blades to impact against the armored body with enough strength that he was causing some damage. If he could just break through a thick scale, it would give him the advance he needed to take down this worm once and for all.
Each attack he unleashed, wasn’t enough. Each blow delivered, striking with calculated precision to try and inflict injury on the large worm to at least slow it down. Leo doing his best as he had leaped onto it’s back, biting down with his large fangs upon the creatures back. His claws weren’t even sinking in as he was trying to find a grip to hold on. Thrown off the worms back by a swing of it’s body. Leo flipped through the air to land onto his feet.
“It’s no good boss! Can’t break!” Leo yelled out.
The blood lust wasn’t going to last long but it gave Rie enough push to out move the beast that was worked up to have it’s meal. Rie soon coming up with another idea in the middle of the fight. An idea that could end him if he misjudged his attempt.
“Oh ho ho ho! Is our rising champion defeated!? Nothing can break through that worms armor, not even a goblin bomb can scratch that thing!” Gurgthock called out with a smug tone.
Rie’sefu noticed the worm was going for another bite strike, instead of rolling out of the way. He moved his blades to hold them against his chest with his arms crossed over one another, rolled forward and soon the worm came down with it’s open maw to chmop down upon him.
“Boss!” Called Leo.
“Ohhhhh!!” Gurgthock and the crowd of ogres called out.
“Looks like this is the end folks...Dreshax always gets it’s mea--....what’s this!?” Gurgthock motioned his hands toward the arena.
Dreshax was trying to bite down and seem to be having trouble, turning about with it’s maw half way open. Rie’sefu had his blades criss cross over one another holding it up to press against the fangs on the top roof of the mouth. His feet were planted firmly under it’s wiggling tongue to press down and keep the mouth from clamping down again. He was struggling, managing with his strength to hold the beast’s mouth open as the creature swung it’s head wildly to try and dislodge Rie.
“I don’t believe it folks! He’s not eaten!” Gurgthock spoke out. The crowd was in a mix of cheering and booing.
Rie’sefu awaiting to feel the weight to lift off of him from the worm trying to open it’s mouth for another attempt to crush him. Growling and grunting as he was holding up, whites of his eyes bleeding in. The Blood lust spell had lost it’s effect but he pushed himself to unleash his berserk. He roared out as he aimed to dislocate or break the jaw. Pressing hard with his feet and up against the roof of the mouth with such a sudden push, the creature cried out when a snap was heard. Swiftly he removed one blade to align it to point up toward the roof of it’s jaw. Pressing up and sank the large blade up into the skull cavity. The creature froze before Rie pushed off, leaving his sword imbedded into it’s skull.
Leaping backwards he landed onto his feet just as the creature fell over, hissing out it’s last breath and curled up much like the smaller ones. Rie’sefu approaching the worm to shove it with his foot hard to be sure it was dead. Dreshax was unresponsive. Moving to it’s jaws to grab the hilt of his sword and yanked it free.
“We have our Blood Champion folks! I got to hand it to the kid, he takes a licking and keeps on ticking!” Gurgthock called out.
Rie’sefu panting, a glare in his bled in eyes and snapped a look toward Leo when the saberon approached. Leo held up his clawed hands to show he was no threat. “You won boss.”
“ENOUGH!” Called out a voice.
“I will not stand by and watch my prized beasts fall. I will show this runt what true strength is.” Spoke out Mogor, the Lord of the Blood Ring.
“Dead man walking, folks! Rie’sefu the Earth Fury shatter and Skull Splitter along with his Saberon ally are entering the world famous Ring of Blood to test themselves against Rotvine! A living weapon of destruction! This will be a slaughter to see!” Called Gurgthock.
A large grotesque plant creature called Rotvine would slowly move it’s way to the center of the ring. It’s three vicious plant heads snapping the air and letting out a hissed snarling roar, it’s leafy like mane shaking with green vile drool dripping out of their maws. Rie’sefu wasn’t liking the sight of this creature, these things he hated in Gorgrond. All those nasty plant creatures and those small pygmy plant people! Of all creatures to fight...it had to be a plant monster. He wasn’t about to disappoint, standing in his tiger stance and glanced toward Leo. “Keep ya’ distance from dis t’ing...” He warned.
Leo spoke out. “Not worry boss. Leorajh has seen these things many times.”
“Let the fight begin!” Called Gurthock.
He wasn’t about to go running up to the creature blindly. He unleashed a chi spirit of himself to distract the beast. Just as the plant monster turned to face the spirit, snapping its jaws at the spirits direction. Rie’sefu moved in to begin attacking, using his pole arm to slam the blade against the thick bark of it’s lower body, causing green fluid to ooze. What ever that stuff was he knew well enough to keep distant. He pulled back his blade just to glance to his weapon to be sure it wasn’t melting. Green fluid smeared on the blade, the liquid not causing the metal to melt or bubble. Hearing the creature take in breath all three heads spewed out green smog.
It was a quick spray of green which had caused Rie’sefu’s eyes to burn. Coughing as he moved out of the smog as quickly as he can move, going for fresh air to breath in. He hacking and trying not to rub his eyes or it may worsen the stinging sensation. “Shit!” He coughed. His lungs felt as if they were on fire, he felt disorientated with his vision blurry. Still gasping for air with shortness of breath, mentally noted that this thing spews out toxic breath!
“Boss look out!” Called Leo.
Rotvine unleashed another attack of green fluid that immediately turned into smog to linger in the air. Smaller plants emerged that fired out plant spines toward Rie’sefu. Rie was just about regaining himself when he heard Leo’s warning to only look to see the area becoming of green. Quickly he rolled to the side to get away from the infected area. Spines bouncing off of his armor and he moved to hide behind the creature so the smaller ones couldn’t get to him from a distance. Leo was on the move to stay near a pile of bones to use as cover if it was needed. Rie’sefu was going to have to be quick on his feet and much more wiser about how to handle this monster. Keeping distant seems to be what worked best, healing minor wounds with his chi wave and even healing himself with surging mist when he got enough distance from Rotvine.
Constantly moving around when the beast was chasing after him, dodging the maws that snapped at his direction. Using his pole arm to slam into one of the creatures head, trying to slice a head off with the blade to only keep missing as Rotvine swiftly pulled a head back and the other lunging forward to cause Rie to leap back.
Just as the smaller plants died off Rotvine only spewed out more, Rie trying to keep the beast away from Leo. Feeling dizzy from what smog he accidentally inhaled if he was to close. He had enough of this thing getting the advantage on him, a tug of war between one another for one of them to be the victor. Rie’sefu was not planning to die here, the challenge of such a fight though he sought for his own reasons. The sound of a tiger roar echoed through the arena.
“Oh ho ho what’s this!? Looks like our monk is giving it all in this fight!” Called Gurthock, the crowd was stirred up as they shouted.
Another release of his chi to release the white tiger, ferociously slashing at the vines and biting down on the creatures limbs to bring it down. Able to stay in the smog as it wasn’t effected. Rie’sefu trying to find a weak point, there had to be one some where if he could just see! His vision was blurring on and off and he unable to keep still long enough to get a breather. As the creature breathed in deeply, he spotted a yellowish glow just below the necks of all three of the heads. He took the moment to watch as all three heads were spewing out more of the foul corrosive fluid that turned into smog. Small plants emerging from the smog once more. Rie’sefu held a more tactic idea, he just had to last long enough for Rotvine to do the same attack again.
Unable to keep his focus on his chi of the white tiger, his strength was quickly fading. He can feel it in his legs, an odd sensation feeling weak at his knees. Holding his pole arm defensively and keeping watch of Rotvine, just as the creature roared in his direction. Rie’sefu let out his own roar of defiance in return, pupils of his eyes becoming thin and his fur thickening. Leo behind him let out his own roar. Rotvine growling as all three heads lifted slowly, the glow just under the leaves. Now was his chance. Swiftly he lunged himself forward, closing the gap between them with a swing of his blade going toward the chest cavity. The blade cut through the vine covered front, the sound of the blade sinking through plant. Rotvine let out a screech with all three heads flailing. Rie pushing the blade more into it’s body with yellow fluid seeping from the wound. He pushed against the shaft of his weapon to cause the blade to shift to dig in side ways. A gurgling screech erupted from the beast.
“Ohhh it looks like Rotvine’s just been cut down!” Spoke Gurthock.
Just as Rie’sefu stepped back, dislodging his weapon free from Rotvine. Running his way toward Leo as the body fell forward. The creature hissed it’s last breath as the smaller plants withered and died out. Rotvine laid on the ground dead quickly turning from healthy color of green and purple to yellowish brown as it was drying out rapidly, becoming a empty husk of plant.
“We have a winner! Rie’sefu once again! What a show folks!” Gurthock called out once more.
“We did it boss!” Leo spoke out as he approached to Rie’sefu’s side. “Boss?”
Rie’sefu was not feeling very well, he managed to defeat the creature but what he inhaled was taking full effect. A few spines even pierced through his armor of his glove. He had spines lodged into one of his arms. Rie had become lethargic as his gaze heavily lifted to look to Leo. “Le--...” He dropped soon after. Leo catching him and called to Rie without a response given. For Rie, the world just blanked out.
The sounds of ogres cheering and others booing over the few battles that had began and ended. Rie’sefu had returned just as he planned so, he remained in Riverside post for the night so it would end up a short trip to return to the Ring of Blood just near the proving grounds. The first few challenges had been ogres, one that had two heads. Another fight was with two ogres and the recent fight Rie’sefu just won was a battle against wild beasts of Draenor. Two Rylak’s and an enraged Clefthoof. His armor had been banged up, he sustain some injuries but nothing that Leorajh couldn’t mend during the fight. The blood upon his armor were more so from the challenges then being his own. He can hear his own heart beat drumming in his ears, the scent of blood in the air was exhilarating. His eyes blood shot with a feral look upon his expression, maintaining himself as he conserved as much energy as possible. With the battle against wild animals this gave him a chance to feast upon raw meat.
In a means to fuel himself incase there was another challenge, the thick coppery taste of fresh blood seem to awaken his senses all the more. Had call to a much dangerous side of Rie’sefu, a side in which he at times struggled to keep in control. But here, he didn’t have to hold back. Here he could let loose and unleash as much as he wanted when and if it was needed. There was no way he could consume an entire Clefthoof or even the deceased Rylaks. But to consume just enough to sate some of his instincts, to maintain his calm and keep a clear head. Sweating within his armor as he was putting out body heat from the adrenaline rush.
“Hey, hey! Are you done having lunch?! We got a mess to clean here and a next challenge for you!” Called out Gurgthock.
Rie’sefu’s ears pinned with a low growl, reluctant to leave his kills but the idea of another fight sounded much to tempting. He arose to stand after he consumed another raw portion of meat. Walking his way back toward Gurgthock, licking at his clawed fingers with Leo whom followed but kept a bit of distance away from Rie. At the ring were peons on the move to remove the corpses toward the feeding pit to let the other beasts consume on the deceased.
“What’s dah next challenge?” His voice rumbled with a deeper sound to it.
Gurgthock looked over Rie’sefu. “Eesh...don’t you want to clean up first?”
“No...when dehy be done ah’m ready fohr dah next challenge..” He removed his hood he tossed it toward Leo for him to catch and place away. Sitting on a stone he awaited until they were ready to call upon him.
“You okay boss?” Asked Leo whom seem to have some concern.
Rie grunted with a nod. “Ah’m fine....ya’ just keep ya’ distahnce to keep ya’ ‘eals goin’...” Rie’sefu then tilted his head causing a audible low pop at his neck joints. With a grunt he soon stood. “Get readeh...dehy jus’ about done..”
“Yeah but...boss..” Leo whined, ears lowering as he saw Rie look at him with a stern expression. “Okay boss.” He muttered, soon following Rie to return to the ring at the center.
“It’s that time again, folks! Come watch hopeful gladiators lay their lives on the line for your enjoyment! This match will be Rie’sefu the Skull splitter and his Saberon against the impenetrable Fracktus! No weapon can pierce his granite hide!” Called Gurgthock.
A large earth fury would emerge out of the ground, rising as dry looking dirt until solidifying into a creature of rock. The earthfury’s glowing eyes fiercely glaring down to it’s challenge. Stomping both rock fists to the ground causing dust to billow and the earth to shake. “I am the mountains...fury..” It spoke in a deep earthen voice. “I shall crush every bone in your body.”
“Let the fight begin!” Called Gurgthock.
Rie’sefu didn’t waste any time, moving in to figure out just how this large earth fury fought. The sheer size of it ensured it wouldn’t be as swift as he is but there would be power to what impact this large moving boulder can unleash. With a slam down to the ground by it’s mighty rock hand a sudden jagged rock spiked up from the ground. Rie’sefu rolled out of the way just in time and just when he saw the spike rock fall away there was a second smaller portion of earth fury going after him. Focusing his chi to unleash a second copy of himself, causing himself to become green in coloration and transparent as his chi spirited copy that was of blue. Rie represented the chi of earth and the second of storm. The chi of storm pursued the second rock while Rie remain focus on the larger one. Using his pole arm to maneuver swiftly between his grip. Deflecting flying rock to send back into Earth Fury, flipping back when the Earth Fury slammed the ground again.
With the first small earth fury rock taken care of, another spike of earth arose rising up another small earth fury minion to fight along side of Fracktus. Leaping up into the air Rie’sefu unleashed a fury of kicks by hurricane strikes. He called to a second chi that took on the coloration of red as fire. Evening the odds in the fight as now it was three against one large Earth Fury and a smaller version of itself. Moving as one the two including Rie’sefu were finding weak points of the creatures. It didn’t take long to take out the second small earth fury and though Rie lost focus to keep one of his chi spirits moving. Leo had been in the backround sending in shocks of lightening and occasionally would heal Rie’sefu. Rie was working on chipping away the Earth Fury, going for weaken points that was causing the creature to fall apart.
It didn’t take long until the EarthFury fell over, hitting the ground with a slam and drying up into grains of sand and sinking back into the ground. Rie’sefu covered in dust, he kept his eyes on the Earth Fury incase it was feigning it’s death but there wasn’t any other movement besides it vanishing before his eyes. The crowd cheered while Leo shouted out. “Do not worry. Leoragh heal!” Casting another heal spell to mend what minor wounds Rie’sefu endured. He passed Leo to pat him on the forearm and headed to Gurthock.
“Aneemore o’dis be et?” He asked between pants.
Gurthock smirked up to Rie’sefu. “Yeah theres more...” He laughed out. “First a twenty minute break...get ya’self and your big cub over there ready.” Leo growled from the comment. Rie’sefu glared toward the goblin but paid no mind to it, walking to Leo to head there way to at least allow Leo to regain his strength.
“Can Leorajh eat small green thing?” Whispered Leo as they walked away.
Rie’sefu chuckled some and shook his head. “If ‘e dun stahp wid’ dah child names...maybe.”
“This is it? Just you and the over grown furball?” Gurgthock asked.
Leo’s upper lip lifted as he let out a low snarl. Rie lifted his hand as he looked to Leo, a means to keep the Saberon from acting out. He looked back to the goblin. “Look mon, ya’ gonna set us up a fight or nawt?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah....alright. Head your way into the ring, we ain’ responsible for what permanent damages ya’ gonna sustain..” Gurgthock shrugged.
Rie grunted. “Well den ah ain’ responsible of what mess ah gonna turn ev’ry challenge ah fight against.” Soon to walk off with Leo following as the Saberon growled, lashing his tail behind him while he followed.
Rie’sefu standing in the ring with Leo, he awaited for the announcement. Gurgthock soon to yell out.
“Come on, come all! Witness fights to the death in the one and only Ring of Blood! Today we have Rie’sefu and his..uhh...Saberon pal foolishly going up against Skull Chewer! Time for some more skulls buddy!”
The sounds of thundering stomps would be felt as well as heard, a large Gronn would stomp his way to the middle of the arena. Glaring down with his large one eye toward Rie’sefu and Leorajh. The sounds of the ogres letting out battle cries as they spectated. Taking in a lungful of air the large creature let out a mighty bellowing roar as he balled his mighty claws into fists. Rie’sefu glared as he awaited, Leo returned the favor by letting out his own roar and show of claws.
Gurgthock soon yelled out. “Let the fight begin!”
Upon the words spoken Rie’sefu swiftly moved his way to move in haste, from rising sun kick to tiger palm. He kept moving dodging the slower creatures motions. Pffft, this was going to be easy. This big guy was much to slow to get a proper hit on Rie. Leo stayed in a distant casting his lightening balls. Rie wasn’t about to fully underestimate but he wasn’t going to let this be easy either, removing his large pole arm weapon to go for more lethal attacks to slow this Gronn even further.
Calling out to his ability of Storm, earth and fire he unleashed a blue glowing spirit of himself. Copying his moves as he maneuvered his way to slam each kick to clean slices of the blade cutting through flesh of the Gronn’s leg. The Gronn becoming agitated and keeping a watchful eye on Rie’sefu, the slash across his leg only infuriated Skull Chewer all the more. Reaching down just as Rie was about to roll away and swiftly picked Rie’sefu up in his large hand. Rie swung his weapon down on the forearm to only have the blade dig into the forearm bracer, lodging it in there. Skull Chewer roaring out as he slammed Rie’sefu on the ground causing dirt to fly up into the air and billow out.
“Master!” Called out Leo, running in just as Rie’sefu was being lifted once more. The Saberon roared to leap upon the chest of the Gronn and lash toward it’s one eye.
Tossing Rie to the side and slammed Leo away. Rie flipped in the air to land on his feet, he lost his weapon as it remain lodged in the armor. Glaring toward the Gronn whom was wiping at it’s face. Leo as well landed on his feet, casting a healing spell just as Rie was running toward the Gronn. Leaping up to land on the large arm, he grabbed his weapon to dislodge it free. Skull Chewer looked to Rie with blood pouring into it’s one eye, causing it’s own vision to blur. Rie took the advantage and leaped just as the Gronn swiped at Rie’sefu.
Landing upon the creatures stone hard head, letting out a deep sounded roar of his own he swung the polearm downward and the sound of blade sinking into flesh and splitting bone would be heard. The large blade cut through the eye and the front face of Skull Chewer, the creatures movements halted with his arms up. Blood spilled from the split skull just at the open jaw. Rie growled as he wiggled and pushed the blade in deeper, the Gronn only gargled before leaning forward to fall heavily on the ground. Rie held his polearm during the drop and bounced a bit from the impact. Looking down with the Gronns blood coated tongue splayed out on the ground and the dirt soaking in more that continued to pour. Rie grunted and yanked his polearm free, leaping off the head just as Leo howled out a sound that only Rie could guess was a victorious sound. Rie spat on the ground as he looked over the corpse, panting some from the fight but feeling quite victorious at the moment.
“Unbelievable finish! Folks we are just going to have to call Rie’sefu the Skull Splitter after that round!” Gurgthock call out.
Rie’sefu made his way back to Gurgthock. “Joo were sayin’?” He eye’d the goblin. Gurgthock held up his hands with a smirk. “Hey I knew you had it in ya’ kid...this is for sport and good buisness afta’ all.” Placing his hand to the side of his mouth to lean toward Rie. “Besides...there be more challenges for you to go up against before the head honcho here Champion Mogor will even take notice of ya’..” He thumbed to the ogre sitting on a stone large throne and wasn’t even bothering to acknowledge Rie’sefu’s win.
Rie glanced up to Mogor but his attention returned to the goblin. “Jah, jah...whens dah next fight?”
Gurthock chuckled. “I like you already kid. Look, we got this mess to clean up so come on back tomorrow for ya’ next challenge..”
Rie frowned some as he looked over to the ring, ogres were working on getting rid of the Gronn body and fixing up the ring. Rie sighed before he nodded. “Fine...and dah name es Rie’sefu..nawt kid..” He glared a bit toward the goblin.
“Hey, hey....I mean it with respect. Not every day a small fry waltz in here and takes down a Gronn that’s twenty feet size difference. And don’t glare at me like that, I’m the smallest one here.” Gurgthock smirked.
His ears pinned hearing the words small fry, this goblin got to be joking! Rie soon disregarded the comment with a grunt. “Whateva’...ah be back soon..” He motioned for Leorajh to follow.
“Are you hurt boss?” Leorajh asked.
Rie’sefu lifted his hand to wave Leo. “Ya’ check me ova’ once we get back. T’ink ah gawt a rock lodged in me back..” He joked. He was starting to feel it, that slam on the ground dazed him but luckly he had Leo to get him free or a second slam of that and something could of ended up broken. For now Rie was able to endure the feel of pain, it was freeing the sensation and he didn’t want it to go away just yet. It just felt to good at the moment and a good distraction.
I can’t believe what had happened. I think I shoveled myself into a deeper mess then I intended. And not sure which direction to turn. My heart is torn, on one hand I want to give everything I have within me to love Wan’ja. On the other, Rio has also found a way to my heart. It’s been a while since I seen Rio, I even gone all the way to go visit him at the temple he stays at. I do not know the reasons, nor will he talk about it with me. I’m trying not to get frustrated thinking about it, cause here I am working my ass off. And where’s Rio? I know he has been doing his own personal work, something with his loa I guess. But Ren made mention that he also was having nightmares and tore up his sitting chair.
I’m not sure what is going on with Rio and I don’t know why he won’t tell me anything. I was planning to head out to visit Rio again, he’s been there for me. One of the very few that know how to handle me when....I lose control, when I berserk. He has confessed his feelings for me which surprised me. And for a long while, I didn’t really open up to Rio until recently where I feel like I can trust him all the more. But with him gone for so long, I been by myself for at least a little over a month now. I haven’t seen Wan’ja in months besides writing letters to one another. And when I was going to visit Rio, my plans changed for the letter I got from Wan’ja. It’s been so long since I seen my best friend. So I written him back and the plan was to meet me at my Garrison but instead I found Wan’ja in the city. So I hung out there with him amongst other’s, learning names and seeing familiar faces.
After that we were heading to my Garrison but familiar friends were still around. I didn’t want to be rude and not invite anyone else. So I extended my invitation to others to join. Yuan’shi whom took forever to convince him it was fine and another friend name Varn. So we all set out as well with Wan’ja to my Garrison. I showed them around how I built mine and then we hung out in the Great Hall. We spoke on an assortment of things that escape my mind at the moment. But it was a good visit. We even messed around chasing Varn while she was in her druid tiger form. And rolled in the snow or threw snow at each other. But once Yuan and Varn departed, me and Wan’ja were able to get a chance to talk.
And boy did we talk. A conversation I was not expecting, I was expecting to hear all the great things Wan’ja has been doing. He has mentioned it in his letters from time to time but now I can hear all about it face to face. I was curious to know how his travels have been, his training, what he has been doing. He told me of his travels with Moj’akai, that he is doing well in his training. But he seem to get himself into a tangle with some female. Apparently Wan’ja was getting real acquainted with a female, I can’t remember the name he spoke. But he was just looking for that comfort without strings attached. And even though he explained everything to her of what he wanted and she seem to be perfectly fine with it. She fell in love with him anyway and who couldn’t fall in love with him?
I know I have....
He tried to explain to her that he didn’t love her back the same way, that he is not that attached to her. She got upset and loa knows what’s gonna happen when he returns to his training. So with this explained, I tried to advise him the best that I can. That maybe to be more careful with whom he sleeps with, to maybe stop for a while until he got a more stable grip on things. But then the unexpected happened. Wan’ja spoke of feeling love toward me. Like he tried to keep distant, it was the reason why he departed so quickly when he was to leave with Moj’akai to join the Earthen Ring for the first time. As painful as it was and I know because I felt the same pain when he departed the way he did. It was fast, not much explained and he ran out. I couldn’t understand why he left like that besides thinking, to lessen the hurt we both will feel with him leaving. But it was for a good cause, not a bad one. I knew this time he was going to make it, become a someone like he always wanted. This was his ticket, his one chance to do all that he has been denied of.
And he explained that he left in such a hurry was due to feeling love toward me and he tried to open himself with other people but it just wasn’t working out. And the only person he is open with is me. Loa, I was so moved by his words and yet couldn’t act on it. Some part of me that is attached to him is screaming to submit and give what Wan’ja was looking for. But another part of me knew that this wouldn’t be fair to Rio or Wan’ja. I know I haven’t seen Rio in a long while but my heart seems to yearn for him, nearly as much as I do for Wan’ja. So I’m in this fork of the road, one will take me to Rio the other to Wan’ja. And I do not know what to do. I tried to reason with him, I tried to talk to him in a positive way. But it seems everything I said just tore at Wan’ja, every word spoken causing him to bleed right infront of me.
So much pain I am feeling, my heart is beyond broken, it feels shattered. All because I’m a mess and can barely stand on my own two feet. I am glad he spoke such words to me, to know he feels the same way I do. But is this something to pursue? Is this something to chase after, to take? I can’t remember the full conversation but what if, we are just using each other as just a comfort? And it feels like an idea of love but it’s not...actual love? If that makes any sense. What if what those people did to us, had driven into our minds so deeply that we are to be together. That it feels like this? This confusion, obsession, this driven instinctual need to be near? Would it benefit both of us or just cripple us? I can see it that Wan’ja is still stunted and I have this feeling.....I can’t.....I can’t protect him from himself, from what emotions he is feeling, what problems he is facing. I want to but I just cannot. Are we so blind by these emotions that we are just tormenting one another? Wan’ja has lost so much and I don’t want him to feel.....like he is losing me too.
The words Ren spoke of ring in my mind constantly, that for I and Wan’ja to depend on each other will not help us, it would just harm. And it seems no matter the choice I make, there is going to be pain. I cannot protect Wan’ja the way he would like me to, the way that I would want to. Because my heart is fond toward another. I know Rio told me it was fine to sleep around if I needed it but I can’t even do that without freaking out. But what would Rio think if he finds out I hold feelings toward Wan’ja? I told Wan’ja that I am....in love with him. That if I am to forgive him for loving me, then he too will have to forgive me for loving him first. So many words we were speaking and I can’t remember it all. All I know is I tried my best to comfort and ease the pain. I haven’t made mention of Rio, but I just told Wan’ja that...with me holding a fondness to another. It is this inevitable that I cannot stop where we just end up hurting all over again. And over something we are having a hard time understanding.
I told him that I been working on trying to figure out myself, that is why I just cannot sleep around. I cannot open myself so willingly. The only person who knows me inside and out is Wan’ja. And that brings that sense of comfort. As I give the same toward him. I don’t want him to feel that he is losing me. It pains me to think Wan’ja feels alone when I have all of this going on. I have my own Garrison, a Commander in training, I got my family even though I been distant with them. I have...all of this to keep me busy. And what does Wan’ja have? I can’t help but feel guilty, to be a step or two ahead of Wan’ja in recovery. That I am making it and yet Wan’ja struggles. That Wan’ja feels so lost, unwanted. I don’t know what to do to help ease what Wan’ja is going through.
I spoke of keeping myself busy with the work I do because all I keep thinking about is one to many thoughts. Just nearly non stop, I think of him or Rio. Wondering what either of them are doing, though it is Wan’ja who I missed the most. Rio I know I can get to. I don’t want Wan’ja to feel like he has done wrong by speaking these feelings or even feeling them, he is just being honest. And it is something that he and I are just going to have to work through to figure it out. I tried to tell him that before he can love anyone, including me. He needs to love himself first and that is what I been working on. To just...regain a sense of who I am. I still struggle with it, I feel like at times I do not know myself at all or what I want in life. I’m just going through the motions day by day, at times I feel like I got a step forward to only end up two steps back. And maybe he can do the same but this would be something for himself, a strength he needs to find. That no other, not even I can grant him. That only he can if he works for it, no matter the struggle.
As we spoke, I can feel my instincts riled. Having no direction on where to go, I am barely holding control as I can feel the changes. Can hear my own heart rate in my ears, can feel my blood surging through me and battling against me to unleash what I struggle to keep maintained. The emotion, the pain I was feeling was tipping the balance. I was slipping. Everything that Wan’ja spoke I understood and yet I wanted to lash out. Lash out because I was feeling helpless, I couldn’t resolve this situation we have found ourselves in. I was going to berserk if I didn’t get outside for cold air, so much heat I was putting out that my armor felt like it was stifling me. I been doing so good to keep it under control and now I was in a situation that if I didn’t do something fast, I was going to lose it.
And then it happened. So much adrenaline was rushing through my veins, this primal urge of instincts barreling through me that before I could even restrain myself. I remember pouncing on Wan’ja but not to harm him, the inkling of dominance was riled. And the next thing I know, I’m kissing him. And loa was he kissing me back. The sounds he made just encouraged all of my instincts to switch gears and we....lost our minds through the rest of the night. I only remember some of it, the smell of Wan’ja. The taste of him, how he breathed, the feel of our bodies. Just this passion that stormed between us, it was unstoppable. This desire, lust, insatiable hunger for one another that continued on and neither of us wanted it to stop. Cause the moment it stopped, reality will hit us. It was the only way to regain this connection, the comfort and all that we knew how to fix what felt broken. And yet at the same time, nothing really is fixed and here we are still broken.
After exerting ourselves to exhaustion, I heard Wan’ja speak out that nearly threw the high I was feeling off to the way side as I was descending. He said. That is the closest I ever been to feeling love. If that is all that I can give him, just that much to feel like he is worth more then what he see’s himself. I pray that the outcome of this will turn out for the better, for him. I don’t even care about me right now, if it will help Wan’ja get a understanding of what love is and even of himself. Then they’re is a hope for Wan’ja to hold onto. As much as I hope that he took my words as what I meant for it to be taken as. I remember I told him to stay, I didn’t want to find him gone when I woke up. I was still raw in emotion and just could not handle. My consciousness was slipping the further I was calming down, I didn’t fully berserk but I was on that tip of the iceberg of untamed instincts. I partially remember telling Wan’ja to take that feeling and to keep it. That it was his, to protect it. I may of said more but I do not remember.
Everything just went black. And little did I know, I was asleep for two whole days. That’s what happens when I just break into partial berserking, I’ll sleep heavily and not stir for at least two days or three. If it was full fledged, I would of been out even longer. And now here I am, sitting in Orgrimmar trying to find ways to busy myself now that I am on time leave that I don’t even want. I know I’m in deep shit with Zog but he was lenient with the jobs I’m going to have to do when I’m back. I’m not sure who to talk to. Not sure where to go, I just feel like I can’t go to my family like this. I’m a mess and struggling to keep myself together. I don’t want to contact Ren cause I have a feeling what he will say. And he’s busy with his family, I rather not disturb him. He’s done enough for me. I have sent Wan’ja a letter and hope he replies to it. I just want him to know the truth, it’s going to hurt but it may help him not feel so...bonded to me maybe?
I’m going to tell him about Rio and I, what I was trying to tell him the other night. I’m not sure what feelings I have for Rio but I know they are there. I want to give Rio a chance, there is just something familiar about him. And Wan’ja needs to just find his own way to stand on his feet, I cannot become his support or I risk just crippling him. I still feel some guilt for stunting him, that I know better and what I am doing is just hurting him more. And then there is Rio. What am I to tell him? I use to be afraid of what he thought or felt toward me, because I thought he would be angry with me. But time and time again Rio has been nothing but understanding. And I know the right thing would be to tell him all of this, I’m just...uncertain of what will happen. And do I really feel anything for Rio or am I just pulling him around when that is not my intention. To fill this hole I feel when Wan’ja isn’t here. I don’t even know anymore. How long it took me to reach this far and how quickly all that I worked for has become undone, pieces of myself fallen and left behind and I have no strength or will to pick up the pieces. I may put a smile toward friends so they won’t know what is going on but within my heart continually grieves. This weight that will not relent...
I don’t want to have to say goodbye to Wan’ja, but it may be the only thing to save him. Even if he cannot see it and the only thing I can do to protect him.
He had awoken a couple of days later, after sleeping rather heavily to regain his strength. Unknown to him of Wan’ja’s turmoil during the night as well as his departure. The moment his mind touched the surface of consciousness, Rie sat up with groggy eyes wide open and spoke in a hush tone. “Wahn’jah..”
Looking around the great hall to realize he was not laying on the floor rug he originally passed out on. He was within the small area that Gazlowe and Rezlak work at to make sure any plans of building went smoothly. The two goblins were not there for the time being and he was laying upon a dark color fur rug with a blanket. He was cleaned and also redressed with a fur vest to keep him warm and matching pants. Shoving the blanket off he was about to get up when a voice had him pause.
“You’re awake..” A feminine familiar voice spoke out. “You been out for a couple o’days.”
Rie’sefu looked over to Rashma, a female troll that served food and drink within the Great hall. Approaching him with a small tray in hand with a cup of water and a meal upon a plate.
“Where’s Wahn’jah?” He asked, ignoring the food tray.
Placing the food tray down near him and the cup of water, she settled to sit on her knees and looked to him. “‘E left..” She dug into the pocket of her leather shirt to hold out the letter. “And left you dis..”
Left?! What does she mean left?! He thought to himself. “What!? Why’d ya’ leht ‘im leave! ‘E wahs suhpose ta’ stahy!?” He blurted out. He was starting to remember those last few moments before sleep gripped to strongly for him to stay awake. He asked Wan’ja to stay. Reaching a hand out to grab the letter, unfolding the paper to look at it. He could see tear stains long dried on some areas of the paper. His eyes quickly reading over the written words.
“Rie, I’m sorry but I have to go. I waited as long as I could, but they are going to start questioning why I haven’t come back. All that stuff I said last night, just forget about it. It’s stupid, I was being stupid. It’s not your fault, it’s mine. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.
Wan’ja.”
No, no, no, no! The way he was holding the letter he almost crumpled it by his grip tightening. Pushing himself up he would rise up and run off, ignoring Rashma whom was calling out to him. Dashing outside into the cold of Frostridge to look around the encampment. “Wahn’jah!?” He called out while on the move. Frantically searching and hoping Rashma was wrong, that he was still here. He needed to talk to him! No matter where he ran to in the Garrison, leaving peon orcs looking confused and followers to look at one another in puzzlement to Rie’s behavior of running about. Rie checked the barn, checked the Barracks and even the dungeon area incase. He checked the Warmill, the mines and the cave where the hotspring water resides and herb plants are grown. He not caring about the cold as he checked the outskirts of the Garrison, there was no sign of him anywhere. “Son ova’ bitc’!” He cussed out.
“You oh-kay master?” Spoke a rough and deep voice of Leorajh.
Rie did not like to be called master by Leo, he always corrected him to call Rie a friend or even boss if he wanted. Anything but that word. Rie’s ears pinned a little and looked over to the odd friendly Saberon.
“Sorry. Meant say, boss.” Leo corrected himself with his head ducking between his thick shoulders.
For a very large beast cat that clearly stood at least two to three feet height difference above Rie’sefu, a loyal fighter that journeys with the young monk out in Draenor but there are times Leo is as timid as a cub. Rie shook his head and centering himself as best as he could with a sigh of breath. “Ah nawt mad at joo, ah’m jus’ frustrated...” Rie frowned.
The cold of the climate in the area was beginning to take it’s effect that Rie was ignoring as he was not staying in Frostridge long. He still looking around, with Leo looking to him curiously. “We go hunt today?” Spoke Leo.
“No.” Rie answered. “Ah gawt some bidnehss to take care of.”
Leo looked disappointed with his ears turning to lower and looking down. “Oh.”
Ugh, he didn’t need this right now. “We will ‘unt later...ah gawt t’ings ah need to--..” He paused in thought and looked to Leo in silence.
Leo looked to Rie curiously with his ears perking up, moist nose twitching taking small sniffs toward Rie.
“Joo know dah young troll wid’ teal color ‘air...be a shamon like joo daht was ‘ere. T’ink joo can sniff ‘im out?” Rie asked.
Leo shook his head. “Friend troll left. Went up there.” He pointed up to the tower with a claw index finger.
Damn it! Rie frowned as he looked up to the tower, the portal that is left open to lead to Warspear and once there. There was all the portals one could use should they need it to any Horde city. “Ahlright t’anks...we go ‘untin’ when ah be back..” He patted Leo on the shoulder before he went his way back to the Great hall to get dressed.
Once he entered the Great Hall there was Rashma with her arms crossed. “Ya’ done gallivantin’ like a lost pup?” Rie squinted a small glare to Rashma’s direction while he walked in further, looking around the Great Hall. “Where’s me armohr?” Rie asked with a aggravated tone.
“First tell me what be goin’ on? Dis been goin’ on long enough with ya’ mood swings. And what goes on ‘ere isn’t unnoticed by Warmaster Zog. You got some explainin’ to do before you can leave ‘ere...and dis be tha’ orders of Zog. So you may want ta’ sit yourself down and eat your breakfast...” While she spoke she tried to usher him toward his meal that was set on the table.
Rie growled with him stopping in his movements. “Ah dun gawt time fohr dis...ah gawt a friend to find! Talk to ‘im befohre et to late! And den maybe if ah gawt time, ah’ll ahsplain et! But ah nawt goin’ to right now!” He belted out, not wanting to talk about it with anyone. He just wanted to find Wan’ja and straighten things out! “Eitha’ tell me where me armohr es! Or ah’m jus’ leavin’ aneeway!” His patience thin right now, brows furrow and not caring what trouble he may get in.
“You’re not going anywhere pup.” Spoke a rumbling deep tone voice of Zog.
Shit. He whirled around to face Zog whom stood facing Rie and not looking pleased. “Start talking or believe me pup, I’ll find ways to make you squeal like a cold snout piglet.” Zog entered in further to get to the battle plans table, turning the face Rie and had a stern face that he was not in the mood to hear anything more then what he commanded.
Rie had a tough choice right now, he did not want to talk about it with the orc at all. He could either skirt around it some how or just tell all of it and loa pray Zog will understand. And by Zog’s words of making him talk, that may be not a wise route to go at all. “Out of rehspect suhr...tohrturin’ me fohr answers ain’ be a wise choice.” He tried to speak calmly as much as within wanted to bolt out of here.
“I didn’t say torture, I said I’ll find ways. Perhaps spending some time cleaning the latrines for as long as I say would be a first step? Top that with doing every work a peon does around here, from the nit and gritty tasks to exhausting from dawn until dusk. I’m a very patient Orc, I look forward to this place looking much more in order until you come to your senses. And if that does not change your mind, I can add a lot more. So I ask again....start talking or, you will find your time here not as comfortable as you have it now.” Zog spoke rather calmly and looking over plans as he spoke nonchalant of the situation Rie was in. Until he looked to Rie with his eyes narrowing.
Listening to Zog, his ears lowered. As frustrated as he was the words Zog spoke were not boding well with him at all. Sure he can endure a lot of work, it may not be pleasant cleaning the latrines for a month or more. But Zog will work him to the bone until utterly exhausted and so drained Rie will eventually come to terms. Regardless he knew he was going to face consequences anyway and he really didn’t want to be tied down when he had a friend to look for. Taking in a lungful of air, Rie closed his eyes and started talking. Explaining the situation Rie was in and as embarrassing as it was, he also spoke of he and Wan’ja whom lost their minds in that moment. It just seem to happen, no logic to put a stop to it. Though it tends to happen on more then one occasion when they were together, it just couldn’t be helped. Rie spoke of it as discretely as possible but he more so spoke on the situation he and Wan’ja were in and how it still effects them even today. They have recovered but they’re still some areas where Wan’ja and even himself, felt broken. Zog listened to everything and did not interrupt except for a question here and there and to encourage Rie to speak onward. Other then that his expression remain the same, stern though calm.
“And daht...be...ev’ryt’ing..” Rie landed up sitting on a bench, placing his hands on his face. Just awaiting for the hammer to drop down or whatever was going to happen that he is going to have to face. Zog was quiet for what felt like an eternity of silence, until he finally spoke up.
“It’s quite the situation you got yourself into pup. But what personal matters you are tangled in, save it on your own personal time. This is war we are in Rie’sefu and situations as this can get you killed on the battlefield. One small slip of distraction, can cost you your life or another’s life. Now with that said.....there is nothing really I can say or do to aid you. This is stupid shit that youths get themselves into and this is not the place to have such personal affairs, this is not your home of where you grew up in. This is a place of military needs, tactics to plan and orders to give out. I appreciate your honesty and compliance to explain...” He spoke out.
Rie was just waiting for it, there was always a but at the end of Zog’s sentences.
“But.” There it was.
“There is much for me to think over as this explains your behavior and sets some alarms of just how safe is anyone around you.”
Rie lifted his head to look to Zog, a bit bewildered with his gaze wide. “What? Ah wouldn’t ‘urt no one ‘ere...ah neva’ ‘ave...” He began to protest.
“True but can I risk that? I have been training you to take chain of command here and you have the potential of leadership but the few times of these slip ups...where you have gone missing to only return naked and bloody, let alone suffering from hypothermia.“ Zog would add.
“Daht....ah ahsplained ahll daht...an’ daht nawt ‘appen since ah gawt dah barn up and runnin’.” Rie frowned. Should such urges rise he was able to tamper it off with drinking animal blood as well as eating raw meat. “And ah wahs stressed out...but ev’ryt’ing es okeh now..”
“Is it really? The moment you get too stressed....it could risk you snapping and then what? Now you got something else riding on your shoulders and it’s only a matter of time. So....I’m going to give you a week of leave time. Do whatever it is you have to do to straighten your shit out. But that is all I am giving you. When you are back, you will be pulling double shifts of orders that will be in need to get done. You will be paroling with Vivianne and spending some time to tidy up the Garrison. For at least a month. Now..go pack up and head home, I do not want to see you back here until exactly a week from now. Is that clear?“
He rather take the punishment now then have a full week of nothing to do? He didn’t want to go home and where was he going to go? And how was he going to fix this in a week?! Can it even be fixed in the first place!? Taking in a deep breath he nodded. “Yes suhr..” Rie spoke defeatedly.
“Oh and one more thing, from here on out if you should have one of your...slip ups. Be warned now, you will end up locked up..” Zog motioned a hand for the youth to leave.
Rie’sefu would pack his things and place on his armor. Soon to leave the Garrison to enter through the portal and wind up in Warspear. With him sitting in the tavern, he would write a letter on parchment paper.
“Dear Wan’ja,
Look I’m really sorry I didn’t wake up in time to talk to you. I didn’t mean to sleep that long. We need to talk, I’ll meet up with you anywhere. I just need to speak with you, for you to know the full truth of things and understand. I didn’t mean to hurt you with the words I said. I was just trying to help you, I don’t want to write it out on a piece of paper. I rather talk face to face, I didn’t mean for things to get out of hand. I have been granted some time leave, at least a week off. I’m hoping we will meet up some time soon and if anything, I’ll travel to where ever you are at.
Rie’sefu.”
Rie felt anxiety as he wrote the letter, would he be able to ease Wan’ja’s worries at all? Ease anything that Wan’ja was feeling? To reach through where he seems to be failing at, is it even wise to talk once again face to face? There was a lot Rie was worried of for Wan’ja as well as himself, not sure on the direction of his path he should take. It felt as if the road had split off to multiple directions and he just stood in the middle unable to decide. He just stayed in the tavern to straighten out his thoughts, to think over what was spoken a few nights ago and to go over every detail of what he remembers.
I got some good news but also...a bit of sad news. The good news, Wan’ja is not going on that ship that he spoke of. The relief I felt when he told me with renewed excitement of him going with his teacher Moj’akai to join the Earthen Ring. That he graduated from Moj’akai’s teachings and to further his shaman studies, especially that he is a shaman that is bonded to fire. Moj’akai was going to bring him to join and so Wan’ja can learn more. This is more then just good news, this is great news. He even showed me the shield that Moj gifted him. I’m glad that Moj is on top of things and had gotten Wan’ja to focus on a whole other light of what he can do. I really hope things go well with Wan’ja, he gave me a talis so me and him can talk to each other come the time. I haven’t used it yet and just still getting use to not having Wan’ja around. He’s at least some place I can contact him, that he and I can send letters. But just something to have as a incase, Wan’ja always was crafty like that. Coming up with a back up plan.
But the sad part is....just how he left. I thought he was just going to spend the day to hang out before leaving with Moj’akai the next day. That was not the case, the way that he told me what was going on and that he was leaving. I was fine with this and yet not so fine with it, I didn’t want him to go but this was something Wan’ja really needed right now. To find his own, just as I have. I’m settled where I am and I can see our paths have split for now but at least it’s not a permanent thing. Wan’ja left in a hurry and for some reason, it bothered me. I reasoned with myself, yes I know I have an attachment with Wan’ja and he the same toward I. It just became the way it has between us ever since....we were recovering from our kidnapping. I guess this is the reality of just how the world is, we were blind sided and our naive state of mind had been torn from us to be forced to see the world for what it really is. A place that is difficult, heart breaking, broken, dream destroyer and so on. We all know what this world is like when it comes to harsh realities. But I also do know it has a much kinder side and I don’t know if me or Wan’ja will ever find that again.
The innocence we once had, it’s been ruined. And as much as we are moving forward, we are also striving to find a way to just regain ourselves if it is possible. The world doesn’t seem to hold those big wishful dreams that I use to have, as if I’m able to achieve anything. I don’t feel as that anymore and I can’t seem to find it. If it wasn’t for Rio I most likely would be stuck in the bit of a emotional mess I felt that day Wan’ja departed. I know it was for the best but it just hurt. Rio found me and I was to deep in that moment of an emotional storm to act as if all was fine. I have also learned that Rio has feelings for me, it was something spoken between he and I a while ago. I’m not entirely sure how I feel right now. I just feel like a mess and that I have no direction. He did his best to comfort me, in his way that did help. Reassuring that it was alright to feel the way I did. I’m just not feeling entirely like myself. Wan’ja was going to become a stronger and better Shaman, he was going to find his place in the world and hopefully he can achieve more. Where I seem to find areas that I struggle with.
As for Rio, he likes me and I have become fond of him. There is just something about him that feels familiar, feels safe. Either it’s his scent, the color of his eyes, those neat tattoo spot markings that he got. The way he moves, playful and light hearted. His whole behavior is always cheerful. I’m still sorting out and he understands I need some space. He and I are friends but a little more closer, just as I and Wan’ja were but this time....it’s not as hesitant. It’s strange, I’m not sure what it is yet which is why I’m being careful. I’m also hesitant due to what others would think of this? I was not raised to know anything about feeling affections toward a male. I still like females, it’s just I’m not as confident as I once was around females. I feel better just being a friend with a female but they start showing interest toward me and I just get nervous.
It’s not that I’m afraid of females, I’m afraid what I might do to them. And that I’ll just freak them out or something, react in a way that just make me feel like I’m something broken, something unwanted or strange. Wan’ja understands this and I spoke to Rio about it, least I think he understands. He and I got into a discussion about this growing relationship between us and I’m worried to what my parents would think as well as my brothers. My sister not so much because she lives with two males and they all are mated to one another. I think she would understand more then anyone else. I’m not sure how anyone else would react to this. I’m trying to....as they say get my ducks in a row. The moment everyone finds out, I’m sure of it that my brother Jang is gonna do to me what he did with Zem. Only Zem’s case was different, he was just depressed. So Jang tried to hook Zem up with females, I only know this because of the talks Jang and mother had when it didn’t work out so well. And he’s gonna do the same toward me and I don’t want females forced down my throat because he thinks in his mind that it will snap me out of it.
I’ve seen it around in the city that there are some males that couple with a male. But I often hear how it’s looked down upon by other people, that the troll race is going to go extinct because there isn’t enough male and female troll couples when that’s a lie. I see plenty of male and female troll couples, more then male with male. Way more. My parents is one example, my two brothers who are mated to females. There are the neighbors that also, all of them male and female mated pair. Maybe there are some same gender couples, perhaps I was oblivious to it or they are in hiding?
But hearing all this gossip in the city when I’m just idling about makes me uneasy. I to saw it strange that a male troll is with a male, it made no sense to me. I wasn’t curious of it nor did I care who people were coupled with, even if I didn’t understand, it wasn’t a life I was living. All I knew is, to have a little more acceptance about other peoples choices. After all, the life my sister is apart of is way different then I expected. I didn’t understand it then, but I just accepted it. And I’m only starting to understand it now. Us Darkspear do not really practice same gender coupling, or maybe the tribe does I just never knew? I don’t know....I just know I see a lot of non Darkspear, couple together without worry. And now....things are different. I often wonder if this is how others figured things out too? I just can’t seem to get a grasp of who I am anymore. I’m not sure what I want yet, at times things just feel confusing. Maybe I should talk to Ren’nari. He has helped in my recovery more then anything and seems to know the right thing to say to help me see more clearly.
I often just idle by myself in the city thinking things over, is it possible for me to gain a female that would actually take the time to get to know me and I her? Yes, I believe so. But...can I risk that? Or do I really want to? Rio has done a lot for me and he puts no pressure on me, he has helped in a lot of areas that I struggle with. If this is meant to be then it will work out right? I’m just not looking forward to what obstacles may get in the way. I gone through enough struggles but I can see it in the distance, more is going to be put on my shoulders and I’m just going to have to male up and carry it.
Lately I been separated from Rio now, so I just been by myself often. When it comes to doing any work in Draenor this Death Knight name Ra’rhuk shows up to help me out. Rio sent him but really, I rather Rio to be at my side. Not some complete stranger, let alone undead. It was a rough start but I am starting to get along with this Ra’rhuk guy. He’s good at fighting but what Death Knight isn’t? And we get the job done quickly where I got all this time to go where ever I seek to be for a few hours before the next job. He looks to be around the same age as me, sort of frozen in his ageless state of when he died. And he once told me he died around the same age as I. He’s a bit crazy too. At times I hear him laughing like a deranged hyena as he decapitates our enemies. It sort of...creeps me the hell out. I mean what if he loses his shit and takes off my head? So far no threatening or aggressive behavior has been directed at me, but loa can he be creepy sometimes.
I been writing letters to my parents, though haven’t visited because I’m just not sure what to say or do. I’m just letting them know how I’m doing and to show that I’m alive and well. Plus avoiding my brother Jang since he’s always in Shadowprey. I haven’t seen anyone for a while and I think this time of solitude is needed so I can think things through. Though at the same time I’m starting to feel loneliness creep in and I’m starting to miss Rio. I think I’m gonna write Wan’ja a letter to kill some time. And think on it before I decide to visit Rio. For now...it’s just me...idling around at my fort or in the city.
All in all I think I’m better off just focusing on my studies as I’m taking up training of the monk ways of the Ox. I know a lot about the Wind Walker but I have taken up to gain knowledge and to practice Brewmaster fighting style. Doing this just keeps my mind focused on one thing instead of many, keeps my head clear.
