@midnight
On June 8th, 2016 I went to the then Hollywood Center Studios lot for my second interview for a position as a researcher on @midnight. I had met with Joe Ferrell, one of our EPs, a week prior, over avocado toast (on the house- what a fucking treat!) to go over the position, and luckily, so luckily, he passed me on to the next round.
The lot was empty. Most shows, including @midnight were on hiatus. I wandered past the correct building more that a couple times (something I now laugh at people for doing- which is rude of me) before deciding to go in and upstairs to what looked like the receptionist area, but without a receptionist. A few solitary minutes later, Becca, the outgoing head of research/incoming writer’s assistant found me and brought me downstairs to the research room to begin.
I was beyond nervous. Intimidated. I had been searching for work, unsuccessfully, for almost 8 months. My unemployment benefits had run out, as had any money I’d ever possessed. I wanted this job so badly, that I didn’t know if my body/spirit would hold up if I didn’t get it. I was also way overdressed. Like I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking.
I was sunk into the middle of the plush, low-to-the-ground couch of the researcher’s room. Becca, and Adam (the incoming head researcher, and my future boss) sat in office chairs in front of me. It was like an odd interrogation.
Throughout the interview, there were times where I thought I got it (oozing over dog pics with Becca), and times where I thought it would go to someone else (when Adam asked me how many nights a week I cook dinner, and I said almost none). I was sweaty, and desperate to impress these two people in jeans and flip-flops, who I’d go on to know as two of the kindest folks in my world.
Then. There was the final question. A question I’ve kept between myself, colleagues, and family up until this point.
Adam asked me, “Who is your hero?”
I replied, “Umm I guess I’d have to say my little sister and my mom.”
Adam looked at me, and followed up with, “If you had to kill one, who would it be?”
To which I responded, “Well. My mom is already dead, so I guess I’d kill her again.”
Silence.
“Fuck.” I thought.
Who had let me blurt out that asinine, inappropriate, yet so on brand answer?
I felt like shit for saying I’d be okay with killing my already dead mom, should she ever return. I thought, wherever she was now, she must hate me.
The interview was over.
As I left the lot, I called my dad. Almost to apologize for botching something I’d gotten so close to getting. He assured me my mom would’ve laughed at my sound logic. I was angry at myself. Embarrassed. I wanted to cry.
A day or two later, I got a call. They’d like to offer me the position. I fluttered. Spat out, “Yes! Absolutely! Yes!” Zig, our then producer, grumbled back, “Don’t accept a job before we tell you how much we can offer you!” So I rescinded, and then re-accepted a few seconds later, after being told the going rate was well above the $0 I was currently taking in. I started the following Monday.
I later learned that my response to Adam’s final question had solidified me getting the position. How lucky was I to meet strangers who understood my snark and gallows humor, instead of writing it off as hostility? Now, it’s like, of course. Everyone on the show is so kind, smart, and openhearted that it doesn’t surprise me one bit. I had finally, FINALLY landed right where I was supposed to be. I was home.
Today, thirteen months and three days later, I’m going home for the last time.
186 shows I help build. Comedians I’ve idolized since I was a child have become my coworkers. I’ve gained confidence and knowledge. So, so much fucking knowledge. Albeit the majority of it is of fetishes I didn’t know existed. I am absolutely heartbroken that the time has come to say goodbye to an institution that embraced me for who I am, and let my oddity shine. I hope, and pray that I can keep moving forward. That I will never have to work outside of the TV/Film industry again. That I have a future in this business.
Thank you a million times @midnight. Thank you Joe for getting me an interview, thank you Becca and Adam for choosing me to become a member of the family, thank you Chris for hosting one hell of a show. Thank you to everyone who worked on the show for being the best friends a human could ask for.
Until next time. Red light.
