#rit1

[newenglandbrandvibes]

remember why you left.

remember why you can’t go back.

[newenglandbrandvibes]

I haven’t even gotten out of bed yet and I’m already so stressed and want to die so much I could throw up

[newenglandbrandvibes]

honestly seeing everyone else moving out is making me sad

[newenglandbrandvibes]

I genuinely surprise myself with how much I manage to fuck up my life

[newenglandbrandvibes]

it’s amazing how you can go from feeling numb to feeling everything so fast and then you’re just sitting in your floor sobbing harder than you have in years and you realize just how alone you really are

[newenglandbrandvibes]

“everything is different. but everything is good.” - (some quote i don’t remember where I heard it)

everything is different. I don’t know if it’s good. I’ve been doubting myself a lot lately. my skills as an artist, who I am, the things I say, all of the decisions I’ve made for myself.

but everything is just SO different.

I was up all night doing homework, and it was around 6:30 this morning when I finished, so I smoked a bowl and listened to hozier and enjoyed the sunrise. and then I started thinking about home. All of those hot summer days in a house without air conditioning. Leaving my window open 24/7, and listening to the crickets in the evening. all of those mornings I spent on the front porch with my dad, sharing a bowl and enjoying the quiet before everyone got up. being constantly sunburned, going to swim practice, days at the pool, sunny everyday, all of it.

I know I’m probably never going to get to have that again. Part of me is so happy that I’m out of my parents house. It wasn’t healthy. Living with a drug addict and alcoholic, living in a home full of abuse, isn’t healthy. Being there isn’t healthy. But there’s part of me that misses it. Maybe it’s because things here are getting hard and I don’t know how to handle it. I kinda miss my old life. I was pretty comfortable in my surroundings, I had people, things were okay enough.

Now I honestly just feel alone. maybe it’s because I’m in a city I still don’t know my way around, or because i haven’t been here very long, or I feel like I keep fucking things up with my friends. I feel trapped. I feel like there’s no escape and all I want to be able to do is get out.

I don’t know, I need sleep.

[newenglandbrandvibes]

when you have to go to a party you don’t want to and you can’t even drink to cope so you’re just gonna get stoned out of your mind and hope for the best???

[newenglandbrandvibes]

well fuck.