𝐫𝐲𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐮𝐱𝐥𝐞𝐲 ╱ 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘢 , 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘷𝘮𝘢'𝘴
𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐢 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠
he was used to red carpets and flashing lights . he was used to hear his name being yelled at from every corner of the room . but something about this being his first vma , after the success that was his album , felt different . for once in his life , ryder huxley felt like he made it . all on his own , without the help of anyone else .
and damn , did that feel good .
since the morning , ryder had these butterflies in his stomach , the type he only felt once -- when he dropped his album . it was a feeling he was a stranger to , despite having felt it exactly a month ago . he was used to feeling nothing when it came to events or music that he was involved in . yet , after putting an album he was actually proud of , everything that came as a result of it felt like an accomplishment . something he could finally be proud of .
walking down the red carpet , he focused on posing and doing some interviews , most asked about his inspiration for his music , an inspiration that he thought was rather obvious to everyone around him . she stood there , beautiful as ever . realizing if it weren't for her , he wouldn't be there . instead , he'd be stuck in the studio , trying to get something out of himself . yet as soon as she came back into his life , she brought it all out of him . " i think the inspiration is quite obvious . " he answers to the interviewer , finally looking at her , as he smiles . " we all have that one person in our lives that makes you want to change all of your ways , you know ? " is the most he can say , leaving room for interpretation if they're still unsure of his inspiration .
and even though she was his inspiration , a part of ryder wished they'd asked him more about him , and the process of writing , rather than try to get into his relationship .
he makes his way inside the hall , and for the first time in a long time , there's no sense of insecurity in sight . if anything , he's certain . he's certain that he's in the right place , surrounded by the right people . he's certain that everything that had happened , brought him to where he's supposed to be . he was grateful . he was genuinely happy with his music for once .
yet the questions and the interviews on the carpet still rang in his ears . was his music really as good as his relationship ? did everyone listen to it and to what he had to say , or did everything get lost in translation with this brand new relationship ? were everyone just looking for clues in his music regarding his relationship , or did people listen carefully and realize he's more than what the tabloids make him to be ? he had hoped they listened . he had hoped his music was seen for what it was -- art . or else , he'd feel like the phoniest man in the room .
they say mixing business with pleasure could be the worst thing one could do for their relationship .
but how could it be , when this person is the only one that inspires you ? how could it be a mistake when what made ryder write , was their little collab to begin with ?
he's sitting in his seat and looking to his right . the empty seat on his right has her name and picture in bold , a slight feeling of pride as he hears her name being announced as the next performer . his eyes light up , he doesn't remember ever being this excited or this proud of her . usually he'd run to the other corner of the room , trying to keep his distance from her , scared that if he gets too close , his feelings might get expose . but now ? now he has his feelings on his sleeve , and it's noticeable . no one can be blind to the way he looks at her as she gets on stage . no one is blind to the way he would always clap the hardest for her .
and he feels the eyes on him . he's felt it ever since they made their relationship official . he saw the fans , the tweets and the tiktoks . everyone making their own assumptions of who he is , of what led him and bristol to where they were , like anyone had a clue . nobody in this room really had a clue . hell , nobody besides the two of them had a clue . he hated it , he hated the way everyone thought they had the privilege to take part in their relationship . in something that was supposed to be sacred just for the both of them .
so he tries to keep his eyes on her , mesmerized by the performance she had put on . one that only she could come up with .
and in that moment he feels like he made it big . not only because he was there with her , after years of steering away from how he really felt about her , but simply because he finally was recognized for the artist he always was . one that put his heart where his mouth was . one that has always had the passion and the drive , but was just lost and needed direction . and he finally found it .