summary: Astrid surprises Raj on a lonely night in the telescope room.
word count: 1.3k
notes: this takes place during s7e15 of tbbt ! slight spoilers for that episode under the cut !
divider by @/saradika :3
Raj sighed, his chin propped up against his hand as he mindlessly scrolled, maneuvering the telescope from miles away, his eyes blurring as he stared at the several computer screens in front of him. Yet another Valentine’s Day spent alone. He had tried to make plans, he really had, but as per usual, they fell through, and he found himself alone yet again. He often found himself alone, much to his dismay. It wasn’t for a lack of trying, of course, but Raj seemed to be cursed somehow, forever destined to be a lonesome recluse – at least, that’s how he saw it. It was hard for him to think otherwise on nights like this.
His moping was broken, however, by a sudden knock on the door. He spun around in his chair, facing the door but still remaining seated. Who the hell would be at the door to the telescope room at this hour? On Valentine’s Day no less? He hadn’t invited anyone, as much as he wished he could have. Besides, CalTech was pretty strict about security clearance. He waited silently for a few beats, wondering if it was a fluke, before another knock came against the door.
He rolled his eyes, pushing himself up off the chair and walking over to the door. “What is it- Astrid?”
“Hey, Raj,” she smiled. She walked straight past him into the room, immediately moving to take her heels off, almost falling over as she attempted to undo the straps while standing up. Raj rushed to her rescue, offering an arm for her to support herself. The door shut on its own, as if offering them some privacy.
“Wh-What are you doing here? Didn’t you have a date?” Raj asked her.
“Uh, sort of?” Astrid answered, tossing her shoes aside. “Like, not really, but, you know.”
“Yeah, I know,” Raj sighed.
“But the guy stood me up, and I knew you were here alone tonight… I figured you might want some company.”
Raj almost tuned out the rest of her sentence, his brain getting stuck on the sheer concept of someone standing up Astrid Ryder. That made no sense to him, really. At the very least, he knew it was something he would never do. Astrid was special – she was quick-witted and self-assured, and hell, even when she wasn’t taking her relationship prospects seriously, she was a damn good lay. The fact that anyone would skip out on the chance to spend a night with her was beyond him.
“Wait, so, how did you get past security clearance?” he asked, not wanting to stir up any potential drama.
Astrid shrugged. “I flirted with one of the janitors. I swear, they are too easy. So, what are you up to in here?” she asked, waltzing right up to his collection of computer screens. She cocked her head to the side, trying to determine what exactly he was looking at.
“Oh, I was trying to scan for gravitational anomalies.” Raj explained. He opted not to go much further into detail, knowing she surely wouldn’t understand it. For all he knew, she wasn’t all that interested to start with.
Raj took his seat in the chair by the monitors, while Astrid was still on her feet, propping herself up against the desk. He couldn’t help but notice how dangerously close she was to him – it was something he missed. There was quite a bit of history between Astrid and Raj, an off-and-on tryst that they were never quite on the same page about. As things stood now, Astrid and Raj were nothing more than friends – though Raj couldn’t deny he wished they could be something more.
“Can’t you, like, get one of these screens to show us what the telescopes are actually seeing? Like the actual images?” Astrid inquired.
“Oh, of course,” Raj nodded. He pushed a few buttons, clicked a few commands, and brought up exactly what Astrid was looking for: a present-moment image of the stars above them.
Astrid smiled, leaning in closer to the monitors to take a better look. Raj was busy watching her watch the stars, taking in the all too familiar scent of her shampoo. He took the opportunity to get an eyeful of her outfit, surveying just how much effort she was putting into her latest experimentations in the dating scene. The cardigan she had draped over her dress hid some of her shape, especially at the angle she was standing, bent over the desk he was seated at – but he knew the green dress she had on underneath it was quite stunning. It was one he had only seen once before, a few years back when they were pretending to date each other in front of his sister. She had worn it to dinner once…
“You know, I’m surprised we haven’t talked about this more, but I have always been fascinated by celestial bodies,” Astrid said suddenly, breaking him out of his trance. “It’s so cool to get to look at the sky like this.”
“Really? I’m surprised you hadn’t mentioned it.”
Astrid nodded. “I mean, I guess I’m usually too busy thinking about and talking about human bodies to give much attention to these ones,” she said jokingly.
Raj gulped, a sudden rush of courage overtaking him for a moment, forcing his thoughts past his brain and out of his mouth. “Well, I’ve always had quite the interest in your body,” he told her, albeit shakily.
Astrid couldn’t help but chuckle, standing up straighter and turning to face him. “Bold, Koothrappali. You really know when to strike, huh?”
“Is it working?”
“Maybe…”
She took a step closer to him, inviting him to push further. It was familiar to both of them, this dance they were doing, constantly blurring the lines of their friendship. It wasn’t the first time, and surely wouldn’t be the last. Astrid couldn’t deny that they had chemistry, but she knew that she could only give Raj so much of what he was looking for before she risked losing herself. Instead of a proper relationship, they just kept doing whatever the hell this was. It was almost as if they were bad habits to one another.
One of Raj’s hands found its way to her waist, pulling her onto his lap a bit awkwardly. “Do we really think this is a good idea right now? Aren’t you trying to find, like, a serious girlfriend?” Astrid asked. Although she asked the question, she made no efforts to stop herself from getting closer to him, her face mere inches from his.
“I think I’m past the point of caring right now,” Raj responded, his breath heavy as he leaned in to close the gap between them.
It felt natural, the way their lips met. Astrid could feel a smile tugging at Raj’s lips as they melded with hers, causing her to grin into the kiss herself. He sighed with bliss as they pulled away, his hand still draped around her hip. “I’ve missed this,” he spoke softly.
Astrid laughed, louder than she meant to. “Raj, it hasn’t even been that long since the last time.”
“What, does that mean I can’t miss it? You? This?”
Astrid shook her head playfully, leaning back in to kiss him again. She knew damn well that Raj would gladly drop everything to be with her if she asked that of him – part of her wanted to ignore it, to push both his desire and her own away, but the rest of her just couldn’t help but give in. She liked doing this with Raj, she just wasn’t sure she could commit to more. Then again, did hooking up in the telescope room really require any sort of true commitment? She decided that it didn’t, as Raj’s tongue made its way into her mouth. They had fun together, and at the end of the day, wasn’t that what really mattered?
They were interrupted before they could get much further, Raj’s phone ringing making them both nearly jump out of the chair. He sighed as he pulled away, shooting her an apologetic look after glancing at his phone. “It’s Leonard… I should probably answer, it could be about Cinnamon.”
“You trusted Leonard to look after Cinnamon? What the hell were you thinking?”
summary: Marty receives a postcard from Connie while they are countries apart.
word count: 1.0k
divider by @/saradika :3
Marty’s shoulders relaxed for the first time in what felt like days as he lowered himself into the bathtub – the tub which he had been told multiple times not to use. He was never exactly in the habit of doing what he was told. His friend Wally knew this well, shaking his head as he flipped through Marty’s mail just outside the hotel bathroom. He flicked through junk mail, pausing at only two items: an envelope from the International Table Tennis Association, and a postcard sent from overseas by a woman whose name he had never heard Marty mention.
“Hey, Mouse?” he called from the other side of the door.
“What?” Marty called back, his tone exasperated.
“You know a girl named Connie?”
And just like that, Marty was out of the tub, wrapping a towel around his waist as he flung open the bathroom door. He had been wondering when he might hear that name again…
He had met Connie back in London, when last year’s English Open was just getting started. He could remember their first meeting like it was yesterday: seeing her mop of curls at the registration desk, he mistook her for Rachel, and approached her just to instigate. Although she didn’t know him know him, she had been quite excited to come face to face with table tennis’ latest rising star. Their chance meeting had been a perfect opportunity for her to convince him to do an interview with her for The Atlantic, after all.
Of course, given Marty’s nature, the two of them did much more together than just an interview. Connie became one of several flings that Marty began during his London trip – and although he would never admit it, she was his favorite. She was similar enough in appearance to Rachel that she felt familiar, but different enough that he didn't find himself getting frustrated with any baggage. She was able to match his braggadocious energy more than any woman ever had before, and frankly, it turned him on like nobody’s business. He had heard nothing from her in the last few months, as he was traveling the world as the Harlem Globetrotters’ half-time act, and he feared he might’ve lost whatever he had going with her for good the moment he lost the Open. This postcard, though, might just suggest otherwise.
He snatched it out of Wally’s hands with his pruny fingers, scanning it for a sent date. He squinted, his vision blurred due to the lack of glasses on his face, until finally, he spotted it: sure enough, the postcard was sent out just a month into his time with the Globetrotters. A smirk spread across his lips. Clearly, whatever they had going on wasn’t exactly over. He could only hope that her invite hadn’t yet expired.
Wally couldn’t help but chuckle, watching Marty’s facial expression change. He usually only saw that glint in his eye when it came to one thing: ping pong. “So… Who is she, Mouse?”
Marty shook his head, though his smirk remained. “She’s a reporter – The Atlantic.”
“And, what? An interview was enough for her to send you a postcard from fuckin’” – he paused, stealing the piece of cardstock from Marty’s hand, flipping it over to read the return address – “Japan?”
Marty’s eyes widened as he grabbed the postcard back, holding it up closer to his eyes in order to confirm what Wally had just said. Japan? Surely not. Travel in and out of Japan was still heavily regulated, after all… But, his eyes weren’t deceiving him. There, written boldly in Connie’s penmanship, was in fact the word “Japan,” accompanied by the word “Tokyo.”
“Endo…” Marty muttered.
“What?”
“She must’ve followed Endo after he won the championship,” Marty scoffed. “Probably gave him a full two-page spread. God, I can’t believe-”
“It’s her job, Mouse. Hell, she covered your ass – why wouldn’t she interview Endo? Who cares? Clearly she cares more about you if she sent you that postcard. What does it say, anyway? Did you even read it yet?”
With a furrowed brow, Marty attempted to properly read the postcard, lifting it close to his face once more. He squinted, but still had trouble making out some of the words with a bare face.
“Can you hand me my glasses?” Marty asked, his free hand already outstretched. “They should be on the side table next to you.”
Wally obliged, though he rolled his eyes playfully as he completed the handoff. He watched Marty curiously as he pushed his glasses onto his face, his expression softening a bit as he read. “So… What’s it say?”
‘Marty,
As beautiful as Japan is, I can’t help but wish you and I were celebrating your win back in NYC. With all this talk of table tennis, I can’t stop myself from thinking about you. You’ll have to see Japan someday - maybe in next year’s tournament? I hope to see you again before then…
With love,
Connie’
Marty paused for a few moments after reading the words to himself, leaving Wally hanging.
“Well?” Wally asked again.
Marty smirked. “She says she can’t stop thinking about me. She wants to see me before the next tournament. I mean, she’s from Jersey, I bet I can track her down.”
Wally smiled, shaking his head slightly. “I don’t know what all these girls see in you, Mouse.”
Marty shrugged. “She thinks I’m gonna make it to the finals again this year.”
“Yeah… About that… You got somethin’ from the International Table Tennis Association here, too. Something about a $1,500 fine?”
“What the fuck are you talking about, Wally?”
“Yeah, sounds like they banned your ass from competing. Look at this.”
Marty discarded the postcard almost immediately, letting it fall to the carpeted floor as he took his notice from the ITTA into his hands. He frantically scanned it, searching for confirmation. Frankly, losing the support of them would hurt him a hell of a lot more than losing Connie in any sense of the word.
“Oh, fuck me,” he muttered. “What the fuck are we supposed to do?”
an admittedly long-winded lore guide to the ship of Raj Koothrappali and Astrid, my The Big Bang Theory self-insert :3 !!!
(TBBT spoilers under the cut. in case anyone cares about that in the year 2026 😖...)
meet Astrid, my The Big Bang Theory self-insert !!! she’s a sexologist in her mid-20s (well, at least in the early seasons), former roommate of Leslie Winkle, and dates Raj on-and-off throughout the series.
Astrid is introduced in season 2, around the time that Leonard and Leslie Winkle start casually dating for the first time. in order to keep Sheldon busy when Leonard invites Leslie over to their apartment, Leslie agrees to attempt to set Sheldon up with her roommate at the time: Astrid. of course, after a matter of minutes, they both understand that they are NOT romantically or sexually compatible – Sheldon is aroace and not looking for a relationship, and Astrid is arospec and isn’t really looking for anything serious either. but, because of their identities, Astrid and Sheldon do become fast friends, bonding over their shared distaste for traditional romance. of course, Leonard and the guys all assume that Astrid is on her way to becoming Sheldon’s girlfriend, but he is adamant that she is nothing more than his friend. naturally, a new single woman in their lives piques the interest of both Howard and Raj.
Astrid doesn’t meet the rest of the gang until s2e13, when she’s invited over to Sheldon’s apartment to take his friendship research quiz. using her psychological background, she assists him with creating his friendship algorithm. after Leonard and the gang return to the scene, he politely invites Astrid to stay over for dinner, and she is formally introduced to Howard, Raj, and Penny. over dinner, she’s charmed by the pathetic nature of both Raj and Howard, and invites them to help her with an experiment: in the name of science, she wants to date both of them at the same time, and observe the effects that her relationship to each of them have on their relationship with each other. and naturally, having a beautiful woman asking them out, they are both very eager to accept this proposition.
throughout the rest of season 2 and early season 3, Howard and Raj participate in this experiment with Astrid. both relationships are very casual, and despite the issue of Raj being unable to speak to women while sober, the three of them find themselves having fun with their experimentation. but by s3e9, when Howard meets Bernadette, he talks to Astrid about dropping from the experiment in order to pursue a serious relationship with her. Astrid has no issue with this, of course – she’s already got about a year’s worth of data, anyway – but Raj is less enthusiastic about this news. Raj suggests to Astrid that perhaps the two of them can start seriously seeing each other, but Astrid shuts this down as gently as she can, telling him that she’s “not built” for serious relationships. she is okay, however, with the idea of continuing a sort of friends-with-benefits relationship with him, and Raj decides that’s enough – or at least he pretends it is.
despite the initial awkwardness with both Raj and Howard, Astrid stays pretty close with the entire friend group. she’s around for dinner at Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment when Howard first introduces Bernadette to everyone, and Bernadette assumes that she must be Raj’s girlfriend. Astrid’s response to this is “not really, no,” which, of course, only further piques Bernie’s curiosity. Astrid tries to explain her history with both Howard and Raj, but Howard shuts this down (obviously).
throughout the rest of season 3, Astrid and Raj work on figuring out a dynamic that works for both of them. Astrid really can’t deny that they have chemistry, but she knows she’s not ready for the kind of relationship that Raj really wants. when Howard asks Raj why he and Astrid aren’t getting serious, Raj’s response is a simple “well, actually, i’m not really sure.” he knows full well that he is at risk of falling hopelessly in love with her, but he does his best to hide it, at least from her, for the sake of still getting the chance to sleep with her. and to stay friends with her, of course. but mostly to sleep with her. as the season progresses, the two of them find themselves essentially lying to themselves that they can handle being “just friends,” but they can’t seem to figure out what they actually can be to each other. anytime they both drink (which is often considering Raj physically can’t speak to her without doing so), they end up in bed together – or at least close to it.
at the start of season 4, we find out that Howard and Bernadette have broken up. he doesn’t tell the group (including Astrid) this for a bit because he’s embarrassed, and Astrid’s experiment remains over. when he tells the guys about breaking things off with Bernadette, Raj’s immediate response is “does Astrid know?”. of course Howard says no and is confused as to why that’s his first though, but he quickly gets his answer with Raj’s next comment: “dude. we could both still be having crazy sex with a real woman right now.” of course, the group doesn’t really know that Raj and Astrid are still hooking up on occasion (that is, until a few weeks later when they’re caught in Raj and Sheldon’s shared office 😭).
Astrid, still not ready for a proper relationship, encourages Raj to search for other women who can actually give him what he’s looking for. what she doesn’t expect, however, is that she ends up feeling a little jealous with each new relationship he gets into. selfishly, she finds a bit of relief each time they end, because it means that she doesn’t have to give up her attachment to him.
about halfway through season 4, Raj introduces Asrtid to his sister, Priya, while she’s staying with him for a work obligation. for the sake of appearances, Raj and Astrid agree that they should pretend to be dating while Priya is around. Astrid feels a bit awkward about it at first, especially when she is introduced as Raj’s girlfriend, but she is rather quick to settle into the role. it really doesn’t take much acting on either of their parts. and as Priya’s stay becomes longer and longer, Raj and Astrid’s performance also lasts longer. they decide that they may as well pretend to be dating in front of their entire friend group – for the sake of consistency, of course. this goes on for pretty much the entire remainder of season 4, which both of them have quite a lot of fun with, whether or not Astrid wants to admit that to herself.
but of course, as season 4 comes to a close, we find out that Howard and Bernadette, who got back together during the season, are engaged. everyone is beyond happy for them, but Raj can’t help but feel a bit bitter for multiple reasons. for one thing, it almost feels as if he is losing his best friend to Bernadette. plus, knowing that what he and Astrid have has no guarantee of being permanent, he can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy. Raj shares these feelings with Astrid, and she comforts him as best she can, but when he gets the courage to ask her (again) if she’d be interested in getting serious with him for real, she gets cold feet, and breaks things off with him. he ends up discussing the situation with Sheldon, who is confused as to why he and Astrid were pretending and lying about being a couple in the first place, to which Raj replies with “well, it was real to me.”
in early season 5, while Astrid is hanging out with the girls at Penny’s apartment, Penny asks out of nowhere: “so… remind us again why you and Raj broke up?”. she, Amy, and Bernadette gently try to convince Astrid to give him another shot. Astrid shrugs this off as best she can and tells them the following: “guys, look, i just don’t really do relationships. Raj is a great guy, really, but i just don’t think we want the same things.” a few days later while everyone is hanging out at Sheldon and Leonard’s place for dinner, things are a little awkward between Raj and Astrid, but by mid-season they warm up to each other again, and find themselves resuming their friendship – but the lines blur frequently. they even end up attending Howard and Bernadette’s wedding together – “as friends.”
although she’s very happy for her friends, Astrid is absolutely cynical about attending a wedding due to her own beliefs about marriage. at the same time, though, being around all these couples in a scenario like this does make both her and Raj a bit anxious to make some sort of move on each other again. she gets ordained, along with everyone else, to marry Howard and Bernadette as a group. she stands in between Raj and Leonard to do her part in the officiation. she hates how she looks in her bridesmaid dress (pink was never her color) and Raj is quick to tell her she looks beautiful. the season closes out with the two of them on good terms, still trying to figure out who they’re supposed to be to each other.
of course, all of their friends notice them getting a bit flirty at the wedding, and they also can’t help but notice Raj and Astrid holding hands during Howard’s NASA launch. in s6e2, while the girls are sorting through Bernadette’s wedding gifts and talking about their relationships, Bernadette asks Astrid where she sees things going with her and Raj and she is very hesitant to answer. she tries to redirect the conversation, but ultimately she tells them the truth: she doesn’t know. part of her wants to be nothing more than friends, but the other part of her just can’t help but give in to his big sad doe eyes. throughout early season six, they spend quite a bit of one-on-one time together, and this only escalates in s6e11, when Raj joins the girls for a night out at the bar. Astrid assists the girls in trying to find a girl to set Raj up with, despite her own growing jealousy. she almost fails to hold back a smile when he fails to court anyone by the night’s end. as the five of them leave the bar, Astrid and Raj lag behind the others and have a chat, deciding to share a cab back to his apartment. they share another drink, discussing the nature of their relationship. they agree that it would probably be for the best for them to remain nothing but friends, but they also can’t help but notice the situation they find themselves in, buzzed together on his couch. “well… who says friends can’t kiss each other?” Astrid asks in response to a comment Raj makes in passing. they find themselves getting a bit handsy on the couch, and although they don’t sleep together, Astrid does end up staying the night at his apartment. he lets her take the bed while he sleeps on the couch.
waking up in Raj’s bed isn’t as scary as she thought it might be – but as the morning progresses Astrid finds herself getting a bit anxious about, well, everything. as far as she’s concerned, Raj is far too kind to her for this to still just be in the realm of friendship. after downing a mimosa in order to speak to her, Raj cooks breakfast for the two of them, and even offers for her to borrow some of his sister’s clothes to wear so she doesn’t have to go home in last night’s dress. for a few moments, as they eat breakfast together in silence, things feel really good for both of them; but as soon as Astrid starts to overthink the nature of the situation, she finds an excuse to get out of there. despite part of him expecting her to leave, Raj still can’t help but be disappointed – after all, he was considering asking her if she might want to try going on a proper date for Valentine’s Day.
luckily for him, though, he does find a date shortly after Valentine’s Day: Lucy. when he mentions her to the group at dinner one evening, Astrid can’t hide the shock on her face. Raj notices this, and as the group starts to break up and head their separate ways for the night, he asks her: “well, you and i are just friends, right?” she’s quick to nod and respond with “yeah, totally, just friends… i just didn’t think you’d be getting a girlfriend, like, a week after we fooled around again.” but she assures him that she’s happy for him before they part ways for the night.
Raj’s first date with Lucy goes terribly. when he holes up in his apartment afterwards, vowing to never leave again, Astrid joins some of their friends to check up on him. she ends up staying behind with Raj for a few extra minutes after he kicks everyone out, trying to talk some hope into him, but even she fails to get through to him. but after a few days, he does bounce back, and resumes his relationship with Lucy – only to quickly lose her again. after his second break-up with Lucy, Astrid stops by his apartment to check-up on him, fearing that he may have fallen off the deep end again. he talks with her for quite a while about his fears, and after a passing remark about alcohol, Raj tells her that, shockingly, he hasn’t had a drink all day. for the first time since they met, he’s able to speak to her while sober. somehow, his heartbreak over Lucy cures him of his selective mutism.
Raj and Astrid find themselves back in the rhythm of their friendship, things becoming much easier for the two of them now that they can actually speak to each other without any alcohol involved. she’s the only person who attends his murder mystery dinner before season 7 starts, and seeing as the two of them end up alone there, lines quickly begin to blur again. their friends notice this while she assists him with hosting his scavenger hunt for them, but they keep quiet – mostly. everyone takes note of how close Astrid and Raj seem to be getting – she spends a few nights here and there over at his apartment “as friends,” they’re practically attached at the hip whenever he happens to show up for girls’ night, and she cozies up with him during Thanksgiving at the Wolowitz’s house.
on the next Valentine's Day (s7e15), although they both make other plans alone, Astrid ends up finding herself in the telescope room at CalTech with Raj. before they can really get anywhere, Raj gets a call about Cinnamon (his dog) being at the vet after Leonard and Penny failed to keep an eye on her. of course, he and Astrid show up at the vet’s office together, earning them a suspicious side-eye from Leonard and Penny. when Penny tries to ask Astrid about this later on, Astrid is quick to brush it off as nothing as she often does, lying to herself without even realizing it. though she has trouble admitting to herself and others, part of her really does want something more than a friendship or a casual arrangement with Raj – she just can’t help but worry that the risk might not be worth the reward.
when Emily enters the picture, Astrid stops worrying about this – instead, she finds herself stewing in her jealousy anytime Emily is around. admittedly, she does like Emily – well, for the most part – but she thinks she and Emily would get along better if Raj hadn’t been involved with both of them. after all the girls meet Emily, Astrid agrees with Penny that she feels Emily didn’t like either of them due to their histories with Raj. things only become more awkward when Raj sets up a meeting between himself, Emily, Astrid, and Penny, for the four of them to openly discuss their histories with one another. by the end of the evening, Emily is still suspicious of both women, but Astrid more so than Penny.
when the friend group hosts their own prom on the rooftop of Sheldon and Leonard’s apartment building (s8e8), Astrid only finds her jealousy growing and becoming harder and harder for her to ignore. halfway through the night, she finds herself in the bathroom with an overwhelmed Sheldon, and the two discuss the idea of pretending to be aliens to cope with being at their prom – though they have to cope for slightly different reasons. Sheldon discusses his discomfort with the evening, stemming from his own arospec identity, and Astrid confides in him about struggling to understand her own relationship to romance. she worries that if she admits to herself (or to anyone else) that she has genuine budding feelings for Raj, she will have to rethink her entire identity and lose part of herself in the process. Sheldon is able to reassure her that, despite his usual preference for seeing things in black and white, he himself has come to the understanding that both aromantic and asexual identities are often more complex than that. after all, he had never thought of himself as someone capable of a romantic relationship until he met Amy – perhaps things were the same for Astrid when it came to Raj. he reminds her, too, that just because she might be capable of those feelings doesn’t mean she’s experiencing them the way that “normal” people do – hell, he knows he isn’t when it comes to Amy. but he loves her, he knows that much. Astrid walks away from this conversation feeling much more secure in herself, but she knows she can’t do much about how she’s feeling for Raj – Emily still stands in her way.
Astrid does her best to push her feelings down and continue her friendship with Raj as if nothing has ever changed between them. in s8e16, when Amy tells the group about the experiment she finds, in which people can fall in love in a matter of minutes simply by looking into each other’s eyes and doing a personal Q&A, Astrid insists that she and Raj should do it – to prove that it doesn’t work, of course. everyone is unsure that they should try it, considering their history, but Astrid insists that she doesn’t believe in the experiment’s validity, and that it will not change things between her and Raj. although, of course, both of them hope that it will, which is why they both agree that they should give it a shot. whether or not they want to admit it to each other at the time, it definitely only brings up more feelings between them. afterwards, Astrid ends up tagging along to the escape room with Raj, Emily, Leonard, and Amy, and the tension in the room is palpable. Emily notices, but opts not to say anything.
weeks go by, and by the end of the season, Raj talks with Astrid about feeling unsure of his relationship with Emily. he worries they’re not fully compatible, specifically citing her desire for cemetery sex as something that makes him uncomfortable. he doesn’t end up breaking up with her, to Astrid’s dismay, but their relationship begins to get a bit shaky going into season 9. by about halfway through the season, he breaks up with Emily to spend time with another woman: Claire. Astrid and the girls attempt to dissuade him from going back to Emily and dating both women at once, to no avail. Raj even brings up the fact that Astrid once dated him and Howard at the same time, although it was a different situation. selfishly, Astrid is glad that his decision comes back to bite him in the ass, leaving him single once again after both girls find out and dump him.
by early season 10, Raj is still single, and Astrid ends up finding the perfect opportunity for a moment alone with him. Bernadette lets her know ahead of time that she and Howard have plans for a weekend away, and asks that she stop by the house at least once or twice each day just to make sure everything is as it should be. she does forget to update Astrid and let her know when their trip falls through, so Astrid shows up to the Wolowitz household to use the hot tub while they’re still home. however, much to her surprise, she’s not the only person to have this idea. shortly after she makes herself comfortable in there, Raj shows up as well, having heard that Howard and Bernadette have left for the weekend and looking to take advantage of their empty hot tub. he immediately apologizes for intruding, offering to leave, but Astrid is quick to assure him that it’s fine – but if he wants to stay, he better grab wine glasses for both of them from in the kitchen. he does so, pouring them both a glass of red wine before hopping into the hot tub with her. they sit there catching up, splitting the entire bottle as they talk about their stressors and their friendship and, inevitably, the fact that Raj is once again single. buzzed off the wine, the two fail to restrain themselves from their attraction to one another, and begin making out in the hot tub – though they don’t get much further than that, as Bernadette and Howard are watching them from their bedroom window, never having left for their weekend getaway.
the two don’t label their relationship, but they begin spending a lot of one-on-one time together again. Raj ends up inviting her to participate in the focus group of his ex-girlfriends to figure out what’s “wrong” with him, and the two of them have a heart to heart afterwards about it. Astrid insists that she doesn’t think Raj is the problem, but she still fails to admit her real feelings for him. Raj ends up beating her to the punch in s11e10, after he rebuilds his self-confidence, finds a new look, and lands a second job at the planetarium. he shows up at her apartment to celebrate after realizing he isn’t ready to repair his friendship with Howard yet, and with his newfound courage, he asks Astrid why the two of them have never given their relationship a true, serious shot. he brings up the following point: “you know, if this were a sitcom, we’d be the last two main characters left single, and the writers would pair us together… and, i mean, with our history, the fans would be clamoring for our romantic realization.” Astrid, still a bit anxious about the idea of really giving into romance, insists that Raj deserves better than her, to which he replies: “what if there is no better than you?” Astrid, now turning as red as a tomato, tells him “you don’t mean that,” and is immediately met with “no, i’m serious. i’ve tried. you’ve seen me try. nobody has ever made sense with me in the way that you do.”
Astrid is in the audience at Raj’s first ever planetarium show, where the rest of their friends quickly find out that the two of them are finally giving things a serious try. to Raj’s surprise, Astrid wants their relationship to move quickly, reasoning that “if we’re gonna do this, we can’t be playing games and wasting time like we used to do. i can’t do a relationship with the traditional ‘rules.’ we already know we work well together. we have to go all in or else i don’t want it.” within just about a week of being official, the two begin spending full weekends at each other’s apartments, finding their footing as soon-to-be domestic partners. it’s a learning curve for both of them, especially Astrid, but it feels right. of course, the two attend Sheldon and Amy’s wedding together, and soon after, start discussing getting married and even starting a family themselves (which they do post-series).
(divider by @/thecutestgrotto, moodboard by me :3)
summary: Alan cooks Kaye breakfast after staying the night.
word count: 715
divider by @/saradika :3
Kaye’s face scrunched up as she stretched her limbs, her body waking itself up before her brain. Her contented grin slowly slipped off her face as her left arm swept across her silky sheets, feeling nothing but a divot in the mattress. Alan must’ve gotten up already… He surely wouldn’t have left, though, would he? She sighed, tossing her comforter off and swinging her legs around to the side of the bed. She sat still for a moment, noticing a sweet scent drifting into the room.
She beamed. “That bastard...” she muttered under her breath. She slid her feet into her slippers, shrugged on her robe, and poked her head out of her bedroom doorway. It was just as she suspected: Alan Harper was cooking her breakfast.
It was something Alan had always taken pride in, his ability to cook. He was no gourmet chef, but he had always enjoyed experimenting with his meals. After his divorce, he had gotten a lot more creative with finding ways to feed Jake – and considering that kid would eat just about anything, it wasn’t exactly difficult to find all kinds of creations that he would eat. Alan’s favorite meal to cook, though, was always breakfast.
For Kaye, he was keeping things simple. One could never go wrong with the classics, after all. Perhaps he should have asked first, but he took a peek in her fridge and pulled out a small tub of blueberries, placing them on the counter next to the flour, sugar, and baking powder he knew he would need for pancakes. They were his go-to dish, really – in his own not-so-humble opinion, he was quite the pro at making them completely from scratch, and he was willing to try just about anything in them. Blueberries had always been one of his favorite add-ins, but his son would much rather have chocolate chips. A weekend away from him was a perfect excuse to sneak some real fruit into his breakfast.
He barely noticed Kaye peeking out from the bedroom doorway, a small smile resting on her lips as she watched him poke his way through her cabinets, hunting for the bowls and pans he would need, whistling away softly as he did so. It wasn’t often that she had home-cooked meals. Even something as simple as a plate of pancakes cooked on her own stovetop was out of the ordinary for her these days – between school, work, and her rise to fame in the fashion world, she had very quickly gotten into the habit of eating out constantly. She could afford to, of course, and she sure as hell didn’t miss having to cook for herself, but part of her missed the novelty of eating a meal cooked under her own roof. Watching Alan at work at her stove, making a meal for both of them to share, warmed her heart more than she realized it might. They hadn’t been together long, and he was already doing his best to take care of her better than anyone really had in a while.
Whether or not she realized it, Alan was pretty positive that she was far too good for him – far too good for anyone, really – and he planned to do whatever was in his power to keep her by his side. Already he followed her around like a lost puppy, worshipping the ground she walked on. He’d been through two divorces already, and frankly, he was not looking to go through a third anytime soon. Kaye deserved to be treated like royalty, and although Alan was more of the jester type, he was going to do everything in his power to make her happy. And sometimes, blueberry pancakes would do the trick.
Alan almost didn’t even notice Kaye slowly traipsing into the kitchen. He nearly jumped when he felt her hands snake around his plaid-clad waist, risking a pancake flipping into the air. She nestled her chin against his shoulder, planting a kiss on his cheek. “Look at you, cookin’ breakfast for me,” she cooed.
Alan smiled sheepishly, an expression Kaye was no stranger to seeing him make. “Well, it’s the least I could do… As a thank you, you know, for-”
Kaye couldn’t help but laugh. “You don’t have to thank me, Alan, my God!”
summary: Rye and Joe embark on their first proper date - a picnic in a meadow.
word count: 1.1k
divider by @/saradika :3
Joe was excited. It had been a little while since he’d really been on a proper date, and he really felt something for this girl. They’d been growing close for a good couple of months – hell, they’d even spent Valentine’s Day together – and they developed quite the connection. As far as Joe was concerned, as long as he could get this date right and make her happy, he would have a good chance of getting another one – and hopefully even more than that. Technically she was already his girlfriend, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have to try – for all he knew, one shitty date could make her change her mind.
He had found the perfect little nook amongst the flower patches for a picnic – a very standard Silvertown date. He had taken her out to the meadow before, a couple of weeks ago, before any flowers had started to bloom – in fact, that was where they had made things official mere weeks ago. There was just enough shade for the two of them in the spot he had chosen, away from everyone else with a nice view of the nature surrounding them – he really hoped she would love it. He went about his work, laying out a blanket for them to sit on, and carefully setting his basket in the center. He took a step back, grinning in contentment. He then glanced down at his watch – she was supposed to be meeting him in a mere five minutes.
Joe brushed himself off, taking the short walk back up the dirt path that led back to civilization. There was a train station quite close, and that was usually Rye’s main mode of travel when she came to Silvertown – that was where he was meeting up with her. She never exactly had both her feet planted anywhere particular in Silvertown, though she wished that she did. In a perfect world, maybe she would move in with Joe, or maybe he would move in with her. Although it was extremely early to say so, Rye already wanted to spend everyday with Joe, and she was willing to bet that he felt the same. She already found herself fantasizing about their joint living room as she stood up from her seat, watching the scenery out the window slowly roll to a stop.
And there she was, in that red speckled dress he liked, stumbling off the train with a floral tote bag slung over her shoulder, perfectly in tune with the changing of the seasons. He glanced at his watch again – she was a few minutes late, but that wasn’t her fault. Damn trains… He looked back up in time to see her headed his way, a bright smile on her face as she approached him with open arms. He smiled back, opening up his own arms to squeeze her into an embrace. He kissed her cheek before pulling away. “It’s so good to see you,” he told her, lacing his fingers with hers.
“You too,” she responded, a sigh of contentment leaving her lips. It had only been about two weeks since they had last seen each other, but even that felt like far too long for them to be apart.
Hand in hand, the two walked the familiar path to the meadow, whispering and giggling amongst themselves. This was really happening. They were finally together, a proper couple if there ever was one – and the best part? It was almost as if nothing had changed between them. It still felt like they were the best of friends, only with a couple of extra steps.
As they approached the clearing Joe had set up for them, he insisted on covering her eyes – he wanted her to be surprised, of course. Rye could only chuckle to herself, rolling her eyes playfully. It felt a bit silly, but Rye couldn’t help but love his sincerity. He approached every aspect of his life with genuine wonder and care, and she was more than joyous that that included her and her relationship with him. Carefully, she allowed him to guide her body forward until finally, he took his hands away from her eyes to reveal the blanket and basket amongst the flowers.
“Oh, Joe,” she gasped, turning to face him, “it’s beautiful.” She threw her arms around him enthusiastically, causing him to chuckle, rubbing her back as he did so.
“Yeah? You like it?”
“Of course! It’s so cute! And so simple… I love it, it’s perfect.”
Joe smiled, taking her hand and helping her to sit down before sitting down himself. He couldn’t help but notice her scooting closer and closer to him as they got settled, her head gently resting against his shoulder as she watched him open up the picnic basket. “Can’t keep your hands off me, huh?” he joked as he began to pull food out of the basket.
Rye giggled. “I just missed being so close to you,” she reasoned, a light pink blush spreading across her cheeks. “I feel so comfortable and safe with you… You’re like… A warm, cozy blanket.”
“Well, ain’t you sweet,” Joe grinned, planting a kiss atop her head. “For the record, I don’t mind… I missed bein’ close to you, too, you know. Two weeks is a hell of a long time when… You know, you like someone so much.”
“God, I hear that,” Rye responded. “So, what’ve we got good in there, hmm?”
“Oh, yeah… I asked Charlene for some help,” Joe said. “She made the sandwiches, but, you know, I helped her make the cookies.”
Rye smiled, taking the sandwich Joe handed to her and slowly removing the cling wrap as best she could without ripping it into bits. She took a small bite, nodding in approval before taking a larger one. Grilled chicken with fresh tomato and spinach – one of her favorites. Joe’s attention to detail was always appreciated. Joe followed suit, munching away at his own sandwich. They made small talk as they ate – well, as best they could with their mouths full.
“So, um, Rye?” Joe began as he finished eating, tossing the remaining plastic wrap into the basket, “Would you, uh, rather sleep at my place tonight? You know, instead’a the bed and breakfast?”
Rye’s eyes widened, urging him to go on.
“I mean, you know, you came all this way just to see me, and I’d hate for you to have to spend money on a room again… I just figure it might be easier? I can sleep on the couch if y-”
“I’d love to, Joe,” Rye answered, cutting off his egregious suggestion for sleeping arrangements. “Thanks for offering… But, um, you don’t have to sleep on the couch. I think we can handle sleeping in the same bed, don’t you?”
summary: Summer and Ricky spend an afternoon baking a batch of pot brownies.
word count: 1.4k
cw: substance use, weed mentions
note: takes place during early s3 of tpb :)
divider by @/saradika :)
Summer sighed as she heard the unmistakable sound of a fist pounding at her door. It was a sound she had gotten awfully used to hearing in the time she’d been living in Sunnyvale, especially with some of the types of neighbors she was surrounded by. She opened the door with a sour face, which brightened as she realized who stood in front of her.
“Ricky, hey-”
“Those brownies you made for me… How the fuck did you do that?”
“Well, hello to you too,” Summer exhaled.
“I’m serious,” Ricky shot back, stepping into the trailer uninvited. “Those were, like, the best fuckin’ weed brownies I’ve ever had in my fuckin’ life. Like, I need you to show me how you made ‘em.”
“Well, Rick, I think all I’ve got right now is some shitty mall weed-”
“Got it covered,” he responded, fishing around in his pocket for some of his own stash. He pulled a few loose buds out of his pocket, handing them over to her.
“Okay, well… Let’s get the pocket lint off these, I guess,” Summer exhaled, chuckling at his overly-excited demeanor. This wasn’t exactly how she was expecting to spend her afternoon. She had no qualms with spending time with Ricky, though – the two of them were… Sort of together? Honestly, she wasn’t entirely sure. They had slept together a couple times, gone on a few dates... All signs were pointing to “yes,” but she wasn’t sure either of them were really fully prepared to commit to the idea of being a proper couple.
Ricky made his way to the kitchen, a short walk from the front door. He drummed his hands against the countertop, leaning forward on it as he watched Summer search the living room for her grinder, bent over the arm of the couch. A smirk spread across his face as his eyes scanned over her ass, tight against the denim that was enveloping it. “I can feel you gawking at me, Rick,” she called, rolling her eyes as she stood back up.
“I dunno what you’re talkin’ about,” Ricky responded, tearing his eyes away just in time for her to turn around.
“Uh huh,” she muttered, entering the kitchen, already working on grinding the bud in her hands. “Can you grab a baking pan for this? They’re under the stove.”
Ricky nodded, doing as he was asked. Summer was surprised he was being so quiet, but she knew it wouldn’t last – he never was the quiet type. The longer he remained in her trailer, especially in her kitchen, the more chaotic things would certainly become. He tossed the pan on the counter next to Summer, watching over her shoulder as she worked. His hands found their way to her hips, his body slowly coming in closer and closer to hers.
“Alright, I think we should have enough,” she said after preparing the pan. “This stuff’s gotta go in the oven for, like, an hour by itself… What do you wanna do while we wait?”
“I can think of a few ideas,” Ricky said, his voice low as he pressed his body up against hers.
“No,” Summer replied, rolling her eyes playfully. “If we start fucking right now, we’re gonna lose track of time and burn my fucking trailer down – and, no offense, but I’m not moving into your car.”
“Fair enough,” Ricky chuckled, pulling away from her a bit, leaning back against the counter. “I mean, I guess we could smoke and play video games or somethin’?”
The hour passed like molasses, and both Summer and Ricky found themselves buzzed by the end of it. Summer had paced herself, but Ricky, of course, allowed himself to get far more fucked up. They giggled amongst each other as they returned to the kitchen, stumbling along the way, to retrieve the dried dope from the oven. After setting it on the stovetop, Summer rummaged through the cabinets for a small pot and her favorite glass bowl. Meanwhile, Ricky was spending far too much time searching the fridge for butter.
“Rick, Jesus, they should be right in one of the drawers,” Summer told him, shoving him out of the way slightly with her hip. She pulled two sticks out of the new box, waving them in front of Ricky’s face.
“Oh, shit, I forgot fridges had those,” he laughed.
“Alright,” Summer sighed, rolling her eyes. “Think you can manage keeping an eye on the stove?”
“I think so,” Ricky responded.
“Okay, good… Because I was gonna let you take care of the weed butter.”
“Oh, fuck yeah! I can do that!”
He snatched the pot off the counter, almost smacking Summer in the face in the process. Despite his inebriated clumsiness, Summer trusted him with this task much more than she trusted him to properly measure and mix all the other ingredients. She assumed that he had surely done this on his own before, anyway. As he watched over the butter simmering on the stovetop, she greased her brownie pan, and combined her dry ingredients in their own separate bowl. She portioned out the rest of the ingredients, watching the clock as Ricky played his part. Once the butter only had a few minutes left to simmer, she threw some chocolate chips in the microwave to melt, leaving the half-empty bag on the counter, knowing full well that Ricky would eat whatever was left.
As carefully as a man like Ricky could manage, he poured the glorious butter mixture into the glass bowl with the chocolate. Naturally, a bit splashed back on him, resulting in a “fuck” slipping from his lips, and a new stain surely forming on his shirt. Summer couldn’t help but laugh slightly, wetting a paper towel and dabbing at the small splatters. He watched her with hearts in his eyes as she did so – it was such a small show of affection, but Ricky couldn’t remember the last time someone was so gentle with him.
His eyes continued to follow her as she added the rest of the wet ingredients to the glass bowl, opting to mix them with a spoon rather than a hand-mixer. He almost didn’t hear her ask him to grab some eggs from the fridge – which, of course, was a bit of a mistake on her part, as it resulted in more eggs cracking on the floor than in the mixing bowl. She should’ve guessed. He shot her an apologetic look before they both burst into laughter. The mess could be cleaned up later.
After the eggs, all that was left was the dry ingredients, which Summer offered for Ricky to add – slowly, she had to clarify. Still, he ended up getting flour on both of them. “Ricky, Jesus,” Summer giggled, attempting to wipe the flour off of her shirt, but only making the mess worse. She offered a bit of batter to him on her finger, which he happily took into his mouth, groaning as he did so.
By the time the brownies made their way into the oven, the kitchen looked… Well, honestly, better than Summer had initially expected. Still definitely a mess, but nowhere near as bad as she knew it could’ve gotten. Ricky really was on his best behavior.
The two of them spent the half hour it took the brownies to bake lounging on the couch, lazily making out between rounds of Frogger and the occasional toke. If she was being honest, Summer could’ve probably lived like this forever. She was really enjoying whatever it was she and Ricky were getting themselves into – she just couldn’t help but worry that it wouldn’t last. But, for now, she was reveling in it, reaping whatever benefits she felt she was getting from being his girl, even if he wasn’t going to call her that.
Against their better judgment, the two of them helped themselves to a small piece of brownie mere moments after removing the pan from the oven. The softness made it difficult for them to cut a piece, leaving it jagged and uneven, and, of course, it was so hot that it surely burnt both of their mouths. Still, they were perfectly moist, and Ricky decided that the taste was worth whatever taste buds he burned.
“Fuck,” Ricky muttered. “These are, like, maybe even better than the last ones. You should sell these or somethin’.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Summer mused. “We could work together, make all kinds of shit.”
“Fuck yeah! We should! I mean, clearly we make a great team.”
a VERY long-winded lore guide to the ship of Kendall Roy and Gogh, my Succession self-insert :3 !!!
cw: substance use
(SUCCESSION SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT !!!)
meet Gogh, my Succession self-insert !!! she’s a mid-20s actuary working for Waystar Royco (well, at least until s3). she begins her business relationship with the company working for an insurance company that has close ties to Waystar, but after a year or so, Waystar makes her an offer to join their own risk management team – they need the new blood.
by the start of season one, Gogh has been working directly for Waystar for about eight months. she only ever sees Kendall once a month at meetings – and that’s being generous. she can’t really deny that she’s attracted to him, but she keeps it under wraps considering he’s essentially one step away from being her boss. it isn’t until Tom’s bachelor party (s1e8) that we properly see them interact. Gogh happens to be at Rhomboid with her own group of friends, and runs into Kendall shortly after he has a stressful conversation with Stewy and Sandy. they get to talking, and very soon after they take Ketamine together, ending up lazily making out in a corner as the night goes on. she sees him at the office a few days later and they have a more proper conversation about what had happened between them. Kendall floats the idea of Gogh accompanying him to Shiv’s wedding, but she declines.
as we head into season two, Gogh hasn’t seen much of Kendall since before the wedding. this is, of course, because he was sent to rehab after committing manslaughter in the midst of his sister’s wedding. she sees his news appearance (s2e1) and attempts to reach out to him, but can’t get through. she assumes that whatever the hell they had going on previously meant nothing to him, as he continues to brush her off when he sees her at the office. finally, around s2e3, she gets a call from Kendall. he tells her he’s been having a “really tough time,” but he wants to take her out. she accuses him of using her as a distraction, but he swears that’s not his intention. he just feels like she’s one of few people in his life that won’t give him any bullshit. he thinks he can learn to trust her. he wants to. she takes this to heart, agreeing to give him a more serious shot. during the whole safe room fiasco (s2e4), they start to realize just how much they’re growing to care for each other.
despite this, Kendall still has a bad habit of putting the company above Gogh in any given situation. for instance, he still hooks up with Naomi Pierce (s2e5). this upsets Gogh greatly, obviously, as she thought she and Kendall were starting something serious. he brushes her off when they argue about it, making the excuse that he only did it to help his dad in the PGN deal. in an attempt to make up for this blunder, Kendall invites Gogh to Argestes. she almost declines, worrying that the PGN deal will fall through if she’s there, but Kendall assures her that the deal is already fucked, so she agrees. this is the first time the two are seen together by Logan, and frankly, he’s not enthused.
(from this point on in my own canon, anything that happens between Kendall and Naomi in the series is actually happening between Kendall and Gogh or is not happening at all).
after the events of s2e7, Gogh gets a phone call. Kendall finally tells her about the events of Shiv’s wedding, how he accidentally killed a young waiter while trying to score cocaine. he feels like he can’t tell anybody about what happened, and the few people he feels like he can refuse to listen. but Gogh listens. not only does she listen, but she offers her support and sticks by his side. it’s clear as day now to Kendall that he needs to keep her in his life.
from this point on, the two are practically inseparable – perhaps to an unhealthy degree. they attend Willa’s play together. Gogh accompanies Kendall to Logan’s birthday event (s2e8) and cheers him on during L to the OG. she’s at the court during the hearing in s2e9 – she feels very uneasy about it, but she’s there for Kendall. they become attached at the hip, but the court date definitely puts a pit in her stomach.
she puts this in the back of her mind though after the events of the season two finale. he invites her onto the family yacht for the weekend for emotional support, but she ends up leaving on day two due to pressure from Logan – she suggests Kendall join her, but he insists on staying until the weekend is over. by this point, Kendall’s position at the company is in jeopardy, his father ready to throw him under the bus as a sacrificial lamb. he doesn’t speak to her between her leaving the yacht and his television appearance, during which he speaks out against his father. she watches live from her apartment as it plays out, her jaw dropping as he makes his statements. it’s the bravest thing she’s seen him do in all the time she’s known him. he gives her a call later that day, offering her a position on his own personal business team - not a particularly involved one, but rather a guarantee that she's on his side. of course, she accepts, immediately resigning from her position with Waystar.
as we head into season three, Gogh is firmly on team Kendall (because of course she is). she doesn’t see him until late in the evening, the night after his legendary press appearance, when he invites her over to his little hiding spot – his ex-wife’s apartment. it’s awkward to say the least. Gogh doesn’t love the idea of making this their meeting spot, but she’s cordial, of course. her interactions with Rava are clumsy. she realizes, too, that she’s not 100% sold on the rest of Kendall’s team. she doesn’t work well with Greg, and she gets a bad vibe from Comfry… she sticks by Kendall’s side, but wonders why his siblings are so hesitant to join his side.
she accompanies Kendall to the CPWJ event (s3e3), as well as the afterparty that he throws at Greg’s(?) apartment. she’s by his side comforting him after Shiv’s letter regarding his wellbeing goes public. at this point, she distances herself even further from the rest of the Roy family, recognizing their effects on him are only becoming more negative. she is also in the audience at the shareholder meeting in s3e5. anywhere Kendall goes, Gogh tends to follow. he spends much of his time at her apartment throughout the season, his own place constantly being swarmed by news outlets, paparazzi, and various groups of protesters.
throughout s3, Gogh finds herself very conflicted on how she views Kendall. she cares about him, deeply, and she’s proud of everything he’s doing – well, almost everything. but at the same time, she can tell he’s not doing well. she struggles to find a good balance between supporting him and trying to keep him in check. she knows it’s not her job to do so, of course, but she still feels compelled to try. they argue off-and-on about his drug use and his work addiction among other things, ultimately getting nowhere.
of course, things start crashing down for Kendall at his 40th birthday bash. Gogh helps him plan the party, despite being a bit concerned about the excess of it all. as the night progresses, Kendall goes from being on top of the world to being down on the concrete of his balcony. he begins to realize that no one in attendance actually cares. it’s just another rich asshole’s birthday party that people are using for clout, and the only people around besides Gogh that care are his kids, whose gift to him gets lost in the shuffle. his siblings offer him nothing but a buyout offer and a card that says five words: “cash out and fuck off.” he’s lost any leverage he may have had over Waystar. he breaks down, asking Gogh to take him home. on their way out, Roman and Shiv have to get in one last punch – literally.
soon after, the two of them travel out to Tuscany for Kendall’s mother’s wedding. during the trip, Kendall seriously considers the buyout offered to him at his birthday party, and sits down to discuss it with his father. the conversation shakes him for the remainder of the trip, and he almost drunkenly drowns himself in his pool before Gogh pulls him out. she encourages him to attend a sort of “intervention” with his siblings, and while he does go, he remains defensive. at the wedding, Kendall finally admits to his siblings that he was at fault for the death of the waiter at Shiv’s wedding back in season one, tearfully seeking solace in them – but less than a minute later, the three get an urgent call, causing them all to team up against their father, just as Kendall was trying to do weeks prior.
as season three comes to a close, Kendall, Roman, and Shiv all find themselves shut out of Waystar. in the months leading up to season four, the three continue to work together as their own team – and Gogh remains a part of it. she’s not fully in the business, but Kendall bounces ideas off of her here and there, and their relationship continues, more peacefully than it ever had before. she allows herself to get closer to Shiv and Roman again, noticing that things finally seem copacetic. Kendall is finally sober, he’s in therapy, and he finally has the relationship with his siblings that she thinks he needs.
Gogh accompanies Kendall to Connor’s wedding (s4e3), during which Logan passes away, on a plane on his way to a business negotiation. she’s sadder than she expected she would be hearing this news – she had always hated Logan, but seeing the way the news was affecting Kendall made her feel especially awful. in the wake of their father’s death, Kendall and his siblings have a lot to deal with, which means Gogh does too.
at Logan’s wake, Gogh follows Kendall closely, supporting him through the crowd of empty condolences, but gives him space with his siblings. she knows they have to discuss the future of Waystar, and that they’ll jump into these talks as soon as possible. Frankly, she isn’t sure she wants to be involved with the company all that closely. of course, the biggest fish to fry is the GoJo deal.
after the discovery of Logan’s letter, in which he seemingly suggests Kendall take over as CEO of Waystar, Kendall immediately talks with Gogh. she’s hesitant to encourage him in either direction, seeing as his emotional stability has once again come into question after his father’s passing. she wonders, out loud, if going back to Waystar will actually do him any good, but tells him that the decision is entirely his. by the time the wake is over, Kendall and Roman have been named co-CEOs – Ken and Gogh are on top of the world, despite some of Gogh’s concerns. she helps him move his things back into his office (among other things 😇). she feels almost sick being back inside Waystar headquarters, but pushes it down for Kendall’s sake.
of course, being involved with the new CEO of one of the largest media conglomerates in the country has its perks, including but not limited to expensive gifts, fancy dinners, and private flights. Gogh accompanies Kendall to Norway for the GoJo retreat as the siblings prepare to make their deal with Matsson. as far as Gogh knows, the plan is for the deal to go through, for a large portion of Waystar to be sold – so imagine her surprise when things begin to unravel, and Kendall purposefully attempts to torpedo the deal. his attempts fail, of course, but he refuses to give up, desperate to keep the title of CEO.
Gogh watches, concerned, as Kendall becomes more frantic. he seemingly enters a manic state, and Gogh worries he’s back on cocaine despite his claims of sobriety. she watches nervously as he makes his Living+ pitch at Investor Day (s4e6), sticking the landing far better than she expects him to. things are shockingly going his way. still, Gogh worries the bough might soon break, especially with Election Day on its way. she attempts to talk with him about his friendship with Stewy as well, believing it to be a bad influence, but Kendall refuses to engage.
Gogh spends most of the following night on Kendall’s arm at his tailgate party (s4e7). things are mostly looking up at this point. granted, Gogh doesn’t know every single detail of the business moves Kendall and Roman are making, but as long as Kendall is in a good position, so is she. she’s known, to some capacity, the types of people that Kendall has been working with during his short time as CEO, but this is her first time having to interact with any of those types face to face – and she does not like seeing Kendall schmooze fascists and their friends. she starts wondering if this is all worth it. if Kendall really is the kind of person he likes to think that he wants to be. does he even know what he wants to be? Gogh has her doubts. nevertheless, she grins and bears it for his sake.
she stays as far as humanly possible from the Waystar offices on Election night. she watches the number come in at home, anxiously awaiting each network to call it. she never watches ATN, but she has her eye on them tonight. Kendall calls her during the Milwaukee debate, hoping to get her perspective with her statistical skills, and she, like Darwin, agrees that Jimenez would have taken most of the lost votes. she’s terrified, thinking about the party the night before, that Kendall and his siblings might not make the right call, despite Kendall reassuring her.
of course, by the time Kendall returns to her apartment, ATN has called the race for Mencken – and the worst part of all, of course, is that Kendall played a part in this. he and Gogh get into a huge argument about this, resulting in Gogh threatening to leave him. she can’t stand to watch him put his father’s business in front of his own morals over and over again. she wants so badly to believe that he’s a good person, with all this other shit in the way, but she can’t overlook the part he’s played in this election.
still, she attends Logan’s funeral the following morning. she doesn’t ride in with Kendall, so she’s unaware of the unsavory conversations he had with both Rava (his ex-wife) and Jess (his assistant) on his own way there. she acknowledges him there, of course, but remains closer to the back during the service, feeling the need to keep her distance. she ends up sitting near Jess, actually, and as she listens to Shiv’s speech about Logan, hearing her say “he was hard on women,” she and Jess share a look of understanding. Kendall was following in his father’s footsteps whether he realized it or not. he was becoming hard on women, too. he was becoming selfish and over-absorbed by the business. as Gogh observes the interactions in the crowd between Logan’s own mistresses, she starts to feel as though she’s become part of a pattern. Kendall, in a relationship with one of his underlings (well, at least when they started dating), was no better than his father having an affair with his own assistant. she feels sick. still, she catches Kendall at the end of the service, and shares a moment with him before they head separately to the burial. she hopes to talk with him again, but he’s busy discussing the business with Hugo, so she silently heads home.
Kendall ends up staying the night at Gogh’s apartment yet again – she’s almost mad at herself for even letting him in, but she can’t help but empathize with him. he’s going through a lot, and she knows it, because she’s been by his side for almost all of it. she becomes so anxious, though, that she can’t stay in bed with him. he notices this, and gets up, joining her in the kitchen for a much needed conversation. Gogh talks him through what she felt at the funeral, and finally, she admits that she can’t stay with him. he tries to fight this, to keep her, but she holds her ground. she lets him sleep there, in her bed while she stays on the couch. he’s gone without a trace the next morning.
of course, Gogh knows today is the big day. as far as she knows, Kendall has the numbers to block the GoJo deal, effectively remaining the CEO of Waystar until he either retires or dies. at this point, she figures he’s ready for it. as his father would have put it, he’s become a killer, finally proving he could handle the position better than his siblings. he deserves it, she thinks to herself. but then she sees the news. GoJo has officially purchased Waystar, and has named Tom the new CEO. her stomach drops. she attempts to call Kendall, but he doesn’t pick up. she tries again in the morning. still no answer. she tries to call Connor, just to see if he knows anything, but to no avail. finally, she decides to search for him herself. praying he isn’t dead, she walks through the city for hours, eventually finding him sitting in Battery Park, looking unwell as ever. as soon as he sees her, he breaks down. he realizes, in some way, he still has her love – if he didn’t, she wouldn’t have been the one to find him. over the course of their relationship, Kendall was always Gogh’s greatest weakness. she sighs to herself, holding him against her chest, as she ponders giving him another chance – after all, she doesn’t know any better.
(divider by @/thecutestgrotto, moodboard by me :3)
summary: while lounging by the pool, Ruby hears her new song on the radio.
word count: 1.0k
note: i knowwwwww in the show Baby Billy doesn't live on the Gemstone compound but in my canon he does bc i just can't imagine Ruby wanting to hang out at Freeman's Gap 😭.
divider by @/thecutestgrotto :3
Ruby sighed, the frills of her red gingham bikini top tickling the soft skin of her shoulder. She sat in the purest white lounger, so white that she almost felt bad about getting the grease from her sunscreen on it – keyword almost. Without it she would surely burn to a crisp, her pale skin becoming red and leathery like that of the man next to her. Next to her, on an identical white lounger was Baby Billy Freeman, elder parasite to the Gemstone family fortune. It was his house, anyway, along with his yard, and his pool, and his loungers. His, of course, was the latest addition to the Gemstone family compound. It had taken quite a bit of sweet talking on his part, but it was well worth it.
Tiffany was away for a week or so, visiting her parents for some reunion or something. She was upset, of course, that Billy hadn’t joined her, insisting that he had “important business” to attend to – that business being Ruby. And her career, of course. But, mostly Ruby herself. Sure, he loved Tiffany plenty, but he had never exactly been able to help himself when it came to the pursuit of beautiful young women, and Ruby was no exception. He knew the moment he laid eyes on her, heard her singing in some strip mall church, that she was something special. As far as everyone in the Gemstone family knew, he was simply taking her under his wing, attempting to propel her into stardom under the Gemstone family name. In reality, though? He was also fucking her up, down, and sideways as much as his 70-year-old heart could take.
It seemed, though, that his mission of molding her into a star was working. Not as quickly as either of them were hoping, of course, but having the Gemstone stamp of approval was getting her noticed in the community, and Ruby could only hope that that would bring her one step closer to getting to perform at the Salvation Center. She couldn’t believe how lucky she had gotten, falling into Baby Billy’s lap the way she had – quite literally. He worked her like a dog sometimes, but it was worth it to her to be so close to the family she had idolized from afar for years. She had grown up on Aimee-Leigh’s tapes, her angelic voice crackling through the speakers of her father’s old pick-up truck. Now, Ruby herself had just wrapped up on recording her very first single of her own, with the help of none other than Aimee-Leigh’s brother. It felt almost like a full circle moment for her.
She was pulled out of a daydream as she felt Baby Billy’s knuckles rubbing against her right thigh. She turned to look at him, raising her arm to block the sun from her sensitive eyes. “Darlin’, would you go on inside and pour me an ice cold glass’a that lemonade you made?” he asked softly, his lips parting to reveal a pearly white smile.
Ruby smiled back. “Of course,” she replied. She planted a kiss on his forehead after standing up from her lounge chair, which he responded to with a playful slap on her ass, causing her to giggle as she pranced inside.
Ruby always liked it when Tiffany went away. It didn’t happen all that often, so she cherished the times that it did, making the most of the time that she could. She loved staying at Billy’s place – well, at least his place on the Gemstone compound. She had never seen a house so big – well, other than the ones at the actual Gemstone compound – and she liked to claim it all for her own every time she entered. She domineered the kitchen the most, taking advantage of the spacious countertops and the fancy cookware. Just last night, she had taken it upon herself to steal some lemons from the fridge to make homemade lemonade, just as an excuse to utilize the space. If she could only live lavishly for a week at a time, she would take it – at least, until she could afford a mansion of her own.
Gingerly, she pulled two crystal glasses from the cupboard, placing them on the white marble countertop as she fetched the pitcher of lemonade from the fridge. She hummed to herself as she poured a generous amount into each glass, the notes of her own song vibrating softly against her skull. She noticed, as she stepped outside, two full glasses in hand, that those notes were getting louder and clearer.
“Hey, darlin’,” Billy called as he heard her feet tapping against the concrete, “turn that up, now.”
“Baby…” Ruby said breathlessly, “Is that… Is that my song?”
“That’s your song.”
Ruby nearly dropped the glasses as she rushed to place them on their poolside tables, rushing to crank the volume on Billy’s small turquoise radio, which had been playing faintly from the table behind them for most of the morning. Billy had left it on some local gospel station, which Ruby was now beginning to think was entirely purposeful.
“That’s my song,” she repeated. “Billy, did you…?”
“I might’a pulled a few strings,” the man smiled.
Ruby smiled back, bouncing over to Billy’s chair and plopping herself down onto his lap. She wrapped her arms around him, burying herself in the crook of his neck. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Like, for everything.”
“Darlin’... This is just the beginnin’,” he replied. “When I said I was gon’ make you into a star, I meant it.”
Ruby pulled away to look him in the eyes. “You really think I could be like Aimee-Leigh?”
“‘Course I do,” Billy responded. “Matter’a fact, I think you’ll be down there at the Salvation Center in no time. ‘Course, Judy’ll probably be jealous as a barren wife, but… I think we can work around that, don’t you?”
Ruby simply nodded, before resting her head against his shoulder once more. He carefully picked up his glass of lemonade – her lemonade – and took a sip, wrapping his free arm around her shoulders. Things were all going according to plan.
