"Three things"
Applebite fic
Tw: talks and mentions of alcohol, mental hospitals and sobriety.
*[it's raining outside and Wally is sitting down on the curb, letting his hair get soaked. Barnaby was walking by with an umbrella in hand and he saw Wally looking sad. He decided to sit down next to Wally.]*
Barnaby: whatcha got goin on, lil Apple? *[Holds the umbrella over his head to shield him from the rain]*
Wally: oh I don't have anything right now...
Barnaby: Got anything on your mind?
Wally: no... But I've been thinking...
Barnaby: oh? I do that too, usually about jokes. What have ya been thinking about?
Wally: I wish I was that puddle over there.
Barnaby: Oh? Now why's that? Cuz he makes a big splash in life?
Wally: no... It's because he doesn't have to learn anything.
Barnaby: now what's that supposed to mean?
Wally: he doesn't have to learn about anything. He will just dry up and be gone soon. No one has to waste their time teaching him anything over and over again. He doesn't have to worry about not knowing anything. He's stupid but he doesn't have to worry about it?
Barnaby: ...
Wally: I wish I could do that...
Barnaby: What? Not worry about being stupid?
Wally: just... Be able to be gone... Maybe then no one has to deal with me being stupid...
*[anger for whoever put that idea into his best friend's head bubbled up in Barnaby's chest. But Barnaby took a deep breath to calm himself down]*
Barnaby: can we try something together?
Wally: try something? Sure... What are we trying, Barnaby?
Barnaby: alrighty, so... I'm going to ask you three questions. And after you answer them, you are gonna ask me the same three questions. It's super easy, kid!
Wally: oh... Why?
Barnaby: hey, this is what I learned to try when I felt like I couldn't learn nut'in new. It really helps! Trust me, kiddo!
Wally: oh... Okay.
Barnaby: now... What are three things that you like about yourself? It can be anything.
Wally: ... I like... I like my hair...
Barnaby: uh huh? What else?
Wally: I like... My smile...
Barnaby: one more thing, lil Bud!
Wally: ... I like... My eyes...
Barnaby: good! Now what are three things you're grateful for. Again, it can be anything!
Wally: oh ... This is hard ...
Barnaby: take ya time, Wals. *[Takes Wally's hand into his]*
Wally:... I'm grateful for you being my best friend... I'm grateful for... Home being my best friend too... And ... I am grateful for all our friends in Home!
Barnaby: look at you! You're a natural! Now my final question is what are three things you are proud of yourself for? It doesn't have to be anything big.
Wally: ...
Barnaby: please Wally. Just three things. That's all I want.
Wally: I'm proud of... Getting out of bed...
Barnaby: that's a good one. Two more.
Wally: I'm proud of... Helping Poppy with sorting her yarn.
Barnaby: one more, Wals...
Wally: I'm proud of....
Barnaby: *[moves his hand out of Wally's hand and slips his arm over his shoulder, pulling him into a side hug. Still waiting patiently for his response]*
Wally: ... I am proud of... Answering all these questions.
Barnaby: *[lets out a warm laugh.]* Good one Wally! I'm proud of you too!
Wally: thank you, Barnaby. What are three things that you like about yourself?
Barnaby: ah my turn already? Woof! Let me think... I like my polka dots! They compliment my eyes of course! I like being able to laugh at myself when I make mistakes and... I like how even though it's hard for me, I still managed to learn too!
Wally: that's lovely. I love those things about you too!
Barnaby: D'awwwwwwwwww!!! Thank you lil buddy!
Wally: next question... What three things are you grateful for?
Barnaby: I'm grateful for you of course! Always you! I'm grateful for my momma! And I'm grateful for... My sponsor... You haven't met him yet...
Wally: oh! I hope to meet him soon... What about the three things that you are proud of yourself for?
Barnaby: .... I have never shared this with anyone before... Can ya promise me not to tell anyone, Wally? I want to be the one to tell others... When I'm ready.
Wally: of course, Barnaby! I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to.
Barnaby: *[Takes a deep breath before speaking]* I'm proud of learning all the things I did to help me be better. I'm proud of being able to help ya out with all that I know... And I... I'm proud of being... I'm proud of being 7 years and five months sober, free from alcohol.
Wally: ... *[Takes a moment to register what Barnaby had just said]* you... Haven't drank alcohol for seven years?
Barnaby: seven years, five months, and 15 days but who's counting. *[Chuckles at his own joke]*
Wally: what happens if you did drink again?
Barnaby: ...
Wally: ... Will you get sick?
Barnaby: I won't be pleasant to be around, that's for sure!
Wally: ... what happened?
Barnaby: ... I... I started drinking when I was fourteen years old. I was depressed back then and it was around the time all the scary childhood memories I pushed down and tried to forget started coming back to me... I told ya I was adopted, right?
Wally: yes you told me. I met Ms Beagle on Home warming!
Barnaby: growing up was hard... I drank because it made me feel like nothing... Made every bad emotion go away... But I got addicted to it... Up to the point I didn't have the ability to not have it. I got addicted to other things that weren't healthy for me... That made me a horrible person...
Wally: but you're not a horrible person! You're amazing! How were you a horrible person?
Barnaby: I wasn't always good. I was horrible. I would get so drunk I'd black out and I wouldn't remember anything I did. I did horrible things after I drank that made me lose friendships...
Wally: ...
Barnaby: I would get into fights, I would wake up in different places, I would get in so much trouble it broke my momma's heart.
Wally: *[he didn't say anything but stare at Barnaby in disbelief]*
Barnaby: one day I got so drunk I... Was sent to the hospital and placed on a 50150 hold... That means I was placed in the hospital for three days because it was so bad they thought I was going to hurt myself. When I got back my momma said she couldn't do this anymore and if I didn't stop... She'd leave... And I'd have no one...
Wally: ...
Barnaby: that scared me. I was scared of losing the only person that cared about me... That's how I first tried stopping. I went to a meeting. They're called AA, Alcohol Anonymous, and they helped people like me ... And I thought that I was going to get through it in a breeze! Hooboy! Was I wrong. I had like, what? Fifteen first day chips before I started really being able to stop-
Wally: first day chips-
Barnaby: they give you these... Little fake coins on each first day you go without alcohol. I relapsed fifteen times before my seven year sober streak. But I kept relapsing and I felt like you, lil buddy.
Wally: like... Like you wanted to be that puddle?
Barnaby: if I knew that puddle I would have been envious of it.
Wally: but you're different now! You're not... You've changed... You've learned and just because it took you some time you are better now...
Barnaby: do you understand what I'm telling ya now?
Wally: ... How did you do it? How did you get... Better?
Barnaby: I gave myself grace.
Wally: grace?
Barnaby: It mean I forgave myself for my mistakes. I knew that my addiction was out of my control and that all I can do is remember what I messed up on and how I could do better. I know that I am not perfect. I know that it's hard to learn new things and to improve on anything. But all I can do is try. That's why I don't drink no more. If I drink, I'll go back. And just because others can't drink doesn't mean I'm able to but it doesn't make me more stupid than them or worse than them, it just means I have to do things differently. Just like you have to do things differently to learn. Just because different things work for you does not make you less than. And who ever told you that is wrong.
Wally:...
Barnaby: I'm so happy I'm better because I might have not been able to be there for you, Wally. And I'm so proud of you for putting in so much effort in learning new things. Even if you're at a different pace. When I help you, I feel like I'm worth something. Like... Like...
Wally: Is it making you glad that you are sober?
Barnaby: yeah, Wally! It is.
Wally: ... Thank you for telling me this. I'm glad that you're all better now.
Barnaby: I'm still getting better, lil Apple. We all can improve.
Wally: *[looks at the puddle in front of him.]* I don't want to be that puddle anymore.
Barnaby: oh? How so?
Wally: because I don't think that I can not care about not learning anything. I want to learn. I want to get better every day... Maybe one day I'll meet someone who's just like me and I can help him learn... Just like you help me, Barnaby.
Barnaby:...
Wally: thank you for being there for me.
Barnaby: thank you for being there for me too, Wals *[pulls Wally into a firm tight hug]*
