[ Day 7 - May 31 Punish, Infinite ]
There was a quiet way it always crept up on him, the loss of what he had prior. He could be doing anything, and it would hit, just as raw, just as real, and just as if it happened the day before. He'd always been one to keep the monsters lock up within, but in this instance, in the moment of still..
He'd let them out.
It wouldn't come with tears. It wouldn't come with words. It always came as an onslaught of anger, rage. An insatiable pit that demanded everything and wouldn't relent until the man was spent. Booze had, for a while, filled the void of his heart. At one point he'd even thought he'd find the comfort of another's touch. Someone much like him; But even that was fleeting at best.
In the moment of wreckage, he'd hate everything about himself. Punish even. His inner monolog something as sharp as knives and as potent as poison. Dripping, cutting, tearing. Blaming himself for every single loss. But the biggest was her. The frozen tundra that left him warm. Could he have stopped her death?
No.
But he was still going to guilt himself into believing he could have. That in all of this, he could have kept them both. But fate in its twisted humor, made sure the mans' only source of comfort was ripped cleanly from his fingers.
Mind you, he had picked himself up, and moved forward, inch by inch, day by day. If not for himself, for his animal companions, and his twins. He was a fighter, through and through, and had been through far too much - Made a promise that he wouldn't give up.
But in the quiet moments like this, it was hell. Burning, twisting, infinite hell. In this moment, all he could do was brace for impact and hope he came out alive from the aftermath.
For this episode, he would have taken the nearest bottle of bourbon he had stashed within the home, dragging it with him to the nearest cliff side out in his home in the Jade forest, and had just sat in boiling anger and guilt. Drinking every single thought out until they were a dull noise in the distance, a quiet ache inside his chest. Every so often he'd look across the space of darkness, no lights of city to be seen. In that, thoughts he felt even more guilty for would surface.
He could just jump. Just, vanish. There wasn't anyone who'd miss him. He led a good life.....
But they never won. He'd sit there for hours, until the bottle was near gone, before stumbling home on the high. Until he'd pass out into the nightmares and darkness.
Fel he missed her... And his friends.
@daily-writing-challenge
