Breathe
I could feel it the moment you saw her. I could see the change in expression, your eyes trailing her movement as she walked by. The second she turned and winked at you, I knew you would be a goner.
It hurt when you told me that you’d be right back, that you were going to use the the restroom - or whatever excuse, I honestly don’t remember. I knew it was a lie when I saw you shove that napkin in your pocket, obviously a phone number was written down.
I see your face in my mind as I drive away, ‘cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way People are people, and sometimes we change our minds. But it’s killing me to see you go after all this time.
Our relationship started to change when we went from hanging out a few times a week, although on the phone every day, to only getting to see you once a week and maybe talk on the phone twice a week. Our vibe was different. As time went on, we started to talk less, laugh less. Everything went through one ear and out the other and your eyes were glued to your phone.
I vowed that last night when you promised to meet me for ice cream and you didn’t show, that I would stop pining for a man that would never be mine. I knew I should’ve said something when I had the chance but I couldn’t. I was scared. We haven’t seen each other since. No text messages.
It’s two am, feelin’ like I just lost a friend. Hope you know this Ain’t easy, easy for me.
When Colby messaged me today to invite me over for a small get together at the new house, I originally told him no. I was sick, I had so much to do, every excuse I could think of. Colby and I were close, but not as close as Sam and I. But he knew how things were going and promised that he would be by my side the whole night, said he missed me too. It took a lot of convincing, but I did eventually give in to him. Little fucker.
Have you ever been around people were once close, but now felt unwelcome? It was awkward and I immediately wanted to leave. Colby stood by the door and slipped his hand around my arm and guided us to the kitchen.
“He’s hanging out near the game room which is down that hallway. I think he’ll be occupied for a while. Let’s get some alcohol in our system and have fun, alright?” He asked, looking up at me through his lashes, a smile playing on his lips. I rolled my eyes before accepting the drink he held. The clear liquid burned as it went down, but it was better than what I was feeling in my mind. After a few more shots, Colby was whisked away by a few of our friends and I was left standing there at the kitchen island. A roar of laughter broke my thoughts and my eyes immediately landed on the cause. Sam with his arm draped around his girlfriend’s shoulders and a few others were making their way towards the kitchen.
Panic began to set in, it was hard to breathe, as I quickly looked for an exit, but his voice said my name and I ran for it. A group of people were blocking the patio door as I shoved through, receiving a few dirty looks. I didn’t care. I needed away. I couldn’t handle seeing him. Not yet.
I followed the concrete path to the pool where very few people lurked. I sat down on the and dipped my feet in.
Sam and I met this way. We were both invited to a party of a mutual friend and the house was small and cramped, shoulder to shoulder. He was there first with a drink in his hand, shoes and jeans unrolled in the pool. I called him a goof and he complained his feet weighed a ton. His cheeks were crimson as I pulled his legs up and he fell onto his back laughing. He said I had a pretty laugh. The next morning I got a text message from him. Our friend gave him my number.
A pair of legs appeared in my peripheral and the sound of shoes clunking onto the concrete broke me from my thoughts. His scent invade my senses and my eyes burned with the threat of tears. His arm slowly snaked around my shoulders as he pulled me to his shoulder. His breath was shakey, “I miss you too, ya know.” He whispered softly.