You bring out the issues in me
(A la Sandra Ciscernos) You bring out the issues in me. The drawl of early morning moodswings. The lull of rooms, empty. The fear of not having anything to say next. The fear of saying them at the worst of times. You’re the only one I’d be honest with; lose you to the truth of not being enough. Hold me when I ask you to, You don’t hold me otherwise. Come, let’s have some wine. Make do. You bring out the uncouth in me. My inability to choose what to eat from a list of words I don’t understand. My lack of tastebuds, the disdain for cuisines. Not knowing how to pronounce ‘croissant’. I get nervous at the bar with you; I don’t know what Vermouth is but I live in the moment. I tell you that I generally drink what all autowallahs in India do; A simmered down version of phenyl and coke. You don’t judge me (thank you), but you don’t know where I come from either. You don’t, no, you don’t. You bring out the past in me. The pain and violence and heartbreak all at once. The need to satisfy you, the grim reality. I repeat the words you say and stay mum otherwise. You bring out the silence in me. The flashes of knowing what comes next; frustration and anger and shoving and then nothing. You ask me if its always this hard, and I don’t have an answer that ends well. I’ll leave you be for better endings. I do.
You bring out the darkness in me. The thick walls of dead baby jokes and gruesome imagery. The irreverence of my jokes, seemingly unrelated. You bring me to my own questions. About the godforsaken maternal instinct and not being given the choice to have one. Your voice is clear and unfaltering, & I have none in this regard. You bring out the struggle I foresee. The coming years will be tough. You bring out my need to abandon you, text you never and seek only moments of the glorious days. Of when you knew me; the parts of me I felt were enough. You bring out the parts that weren’t. A violent uprising of the ones I omitted. Come here and spoon me for a minute; You do. Lay me a kiss out of the blue; You do. Yes, you do.
