#sanguisviscera

[sanguisviscera]

a little light

the light breaks me like sunshine through blinds shadow pictures sections of myself illume the marketplace everything is for sale but no one is buying this shit

one time people said look at you, you thing you now the shelves are empty like broken glass the pieces are everywhere

i wander back years ago it was yesterday you old fool the truth met the floor and time slipped away

on the beach now sunburnt and raw hearing the waves stretch and yawn four hundred & one summers today is like yesterday but time moves on

and now the bitter truth we are not whole but pieces like shattered glass cut by the blinds or the broken light

can the will be like glue fusing the past into a present truth but no mistakes should not be mended on the lonely strength of hope

where would we be then

beautiful and broken strewn across this floor a little light shines still

[sanguisviscera]

the accident

what is achievement but the memory of luck

in these moments living the feeling spirit moved by adulation and pluck of truth

other people see us best but this tide as all tides must ebbs

too soon are we left afloat in an endless ocean

for what are we but drops of water partnered with other drops streaming and desperate to distinguish ourselves from the flood

why is that

we return to the ocean sooner or later

must we all come and go and upon our return desperate to share

the truth is dry cracked we were here only by accident and by accident we shall be sent back

[sanguisviscera]

to my sons and daughters

you are yet dreams sketched in the dark invisible ink on blind canvas

these are my hopes future sons and daughters that I see you strong and wise that I see you follow the courage of your convictions that I see you love deeply and unconditionally that I see you loved deeply and unconditionally that your sleep is sound and untroubled that I see you eschew petty comparison and your future that I see your future filled with joy and air enough to breathe I hope I teach you kindness that this choice is stronger than hate I hope I teach you to overcome the crippling of fear and doubt

but most of all I hope I see you in the flesh more than a dream sketched in the dark

I do not have all the answers no one has all the answers parents are just children grown desperate to figure this shit out

I have made thirty nine trips around the sun this world is a strange one such a distance round a circle should I not have seen it all before yet have I no visions of you

I spoke of fear and doubt these I confess potpourri my air like so much pollen which is to say one cannot breathe but to choke on it of excuses there are plenty but for men there is little sympathy

I hope my breath sustains me to round the sun in circles enough that the running dust might conjure you as God created us a tiny space in your shape

thus far to honor who I think I am you have been absent I fear you may never be my choices choked the future strangled to the width of a hair thin and brittle

it is to this I cling in these quiet spaces of mourning a future full of children’s songs laughter and learning this is why my hopes are strong I want there to be a better me improve the world by a small degree would my hopes not grow to regret amounting to no more than this a quiet space where I have wept

[sanguisviscera]

lie still

if I lie still like this amongst the tall grass and milkweed that blooms with new life scent and anticipation I might be set free his worn boots and steel toes that scream at me their sharp cuts made today and yesterday red ruinous scabs make my future disappear will his breath like whiskey powerful and addictive ever become a memory if I lie like this half truths and omissions those thick raindrops soak my skin let me lie still for lying still is the only way to forget

[sanguisviscera]

yesterday’s news

huddled there in the rain sometimes the lines they flash so quickly across the screen

I forget you were ever there but I remember you or I remember your face I have a thing for faces

lily white charm ease and sunshine and middle country places I have never been

you thought this would be easy the truth is always hard now here you are huddled in a puddle

[sanguisviscera]

a mourner’s prayer

the release of sadness creates a space for so long that I had known I do not know this shape the edges announce themselves do not pry the creeping eye never rests let it rest

are we forgotten in this or have we just been found a bad penny thrust into emptiness the sheet balanced who is the accountant

I am not writing anymore this is dreaming til I wake would you prefer your answers solid a thing to hold sorry I released the only true thing I know

[sanguisviscera]

bathroom bereavement

whip out my dick and I think of grandpa fuck you this isn’t sexual

piss smells of coffee and fatigue time is heavy like a crown we all go elsewhere alone

at the end was he scared he did see it coming reflection of a freight train

these thoughts dribble spill from my mushroom tip walk toward the sink

in the mirror hello there dick tucked safely in its place it is what it is

the chase always ends hands lathered wash soap away simple as that we are here and then not

[sanguisviscera]

june

six is gone  six is gone  once more another year  next one will make forty  they say i should live in fear 

half gone  half gone  pealing revelers declare  but my eyes just opened  i only just got here 

six is gone six is gone once more another year next one will make forty perhaps i should shed a tear