As someone in a international ldr also, how did you cope with fights/arguments with your partner? Do you find them harder to handle/overcome while being apart?
Ah! Nice to meet someone else who is sharing the same struggles as me :)
(trigger warnings for food & slightly (if any) nsfw)
As for coping with fights/arguments, Mikey and I are both really hard-headed and so arguments come pretty easily between us. The main thing that we do to cope is to take some time apart from each other and cool down.
When you’re seething with anger at your partner over whether or not Skyler White is a awesome character on Breaking Bad, it’s very easy to say some cruel things you don’t even mean just because you’re angry. So separation is really key in these situations—even if only for 20 minutes— to take a step back and try to rationalize your emotions and figure out what you want to do from there.
That’s the mature thing to do.
Now, for the slightly toxic / immature things I do from across an ocean go as the following:
Eat a lot of food (carbs are my go-to whenever I’m upset)
turn off skype/phone notifications and binge-watch whatever show I’m currently watching on netflix
go drink a smoothie or a milkshake or something cold
go for a drive (night is the best) and blast my music
rant about them on your blog (make sure you usE LOTS OF CAPS TO GET THE ANGER OUT)
play a video game (esp one where you can shoot things)
take a loooooooooooooooooooooooong hot shower and if you are a crier like me but don’t want anyone to hear it/see it just let it out in there.
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH YOUR FRIENDS WHO LOVE YOU (they’ll make you feel loved and validated)
take a lush bubble bath because you are a queen and deserve the world (make sure you listen to good music ++ light candles)
As for whether or not it’s easier to cope from miles away or when they are next to you is subjective. Some people in LDRs can’t cope with arguments once they close the distance. Some are terrible at LDRs but great in person. It’s different for each couple.
As for being an international ldr with an ocean between Mikey and Florida, I’m finding that it’s actually harder to cope with arguments when I’m with Mikey. I don’t have the freedom to do a lot of the things on the list above because I can’t drive in the United Kingdom and get away. When we fight I’m stuck in the same house and can’t necessarily leave (where’d i go?? I would get lost!).
Whilst being together, it’s going to be a lot harder to run away from problems or get time to yourself because there’ll be no place for you to hide. So, being together really matures your relationship because it causes you to face your partner and view them as a person and not someone on your computer screen. When you fight in person, one day you’re going to realize that they are in front of you, grumpy, with their eyebrows scrunched, and they are REAL and you’re going to instantly calm down and be filled with love because you’ll realize you’re in love with them because you finally made it to the point where you can have fights with them! I view it as one of the most beautiful moments in an LDR, because people who have never been in an LDR won’t know the struggles of what came before closing the distance. You might actually find that you deal with arguments better when together! You can’t cuddle them or apologize to them by giving them a hug when you’re separated by a computer screen! It’s a completely different ball game when you’re finally with them. It’s great to learn how to be with them all over again :)
This point of your relationship can either be really healthy for your relationship or show the cracks in your foundation of your relationship and ability to be in a relationship with each other. I find that arguments last a lot shorter when you’re together!
As for someone who gets into a lot of fights with Mikey, just know that fighting and bickering is healthy! Everyone fights! Relationships aren’t perfect and don’t feel as though your relationship has to be rainbows and happiness 100% of the time. You’ll be disappointed.
Relationships are made from arguments about who gets to rule the remote, who has to cook dinner, and who gets the last sausage roll.
edit: if you are fighting make sure you always tell your significant other "I love you but i'm angry with you at the moment" because it takes the pressure off of thinking "are we breaking up because of this?" and shows that things will be alright soon so just let me be mad!
