Things that have come up since my friend went missing:
Driving out to the further-away park to look at the graffiti'd smily face she made 6 years ago with her index finger (it's faded, but even the fingerprints of the eyes are intact)
Writing in my notebook all the things I now wish I said to her before she disappeared
Sending any leads I can find to her estranged family in the hope that she can be found. Feeling weird about the fact that they seem more hopeful than I do, but also less urgent
Reading old texts, looking at old phone logs and trying to scan any memory I have of what we talked about and when
Feeling guilty about being happy that she hadn't tried to call me while I was overseas
Feeling bad that I didn't try to see her for her birthday for 2 years in a row (because deep down, I didn't think she deserved a birthday)
Wondering if this was inevitable or if there was something I could have done to prevent it
Feeling angry that there seems to be no actual way to save people from themselves
Wondering what's happened to her cat
The irony that the people who most want to track her down are the ones who she owes money to
Thinking that closure isn't possible. Even if I ever find out what happened, there is only acceptance and grief.
