#selectivesoundsensitivitysyndrome

[strongfromourveryweakness]

[strongfromourveryweakness]

Ashley (@living-with-miso), Chelsea (@misophoniaisntfun) and I just casually met Marsha Johnson *DIES* We're having so much fun! I'm vlogging, Ashley's taking photos, and Chelsea's live-blogging!

[strongfromourveryweakness]

So This Is New

It literally snowed for, like, ten minutes today, clouded over, the world ended, and then went back to normal. Windy, but normal. Welcome to Colorado: the epicenter of bi-polar weather, annoyingly healthy individuals, and widespread marijuana distribution. If you're into that. 

Colorado is also the epicenter of something different: research for a disorder called selective sound sensitivity syndrome (4S), or misophonia. It's a mental illness I have that affects thousands of people worldwide, but very few people know it even exists. The word "misophonia" literally means "the hatred of sound", and was coined by American neuroscientists Pawel and Margaret Jesteboff. This term is often used interchangeably with selective sound sensitivity syndrome. 

The disease itself sucks. Basically, whenever misophonics hear a person chewing gum, eating food, smacking, slurping, sniffling, or otherwise making any sort of noise with their mouth or nose, they freak out. Think of what your anxiety level would be if you were covered in a hundred wolf spiders, or if if you knew someone was going to cut off your hands in an hour and there was nothing you could do about it. That same anxiety is what suffers of 4S feel whenever they hear someone making a trigger noise, like gum-popping. Most of the time, sufferers not only are disturbed by noises others make, but just the act of seeing someone eat can trigger them. In some cases, noises like pen-clicking, clothes rubbing together, or the sounds of footsteps can be a trigger. 

What I feel whenever I hear a noise, like gum-popping, I feel a jolt go up my spine. I tense up and swallow hard. My anxiety level shoots up from zero to spiders in a millisecond. My "fight or flight" kicks in as adrenaline is released into my bloodstream, and I have to fight to stay focused and calm. Which is very difficult. Think of how hard it would be to stay focused on a lecture if the kraken of the sea was sitting next to you and roaring and flailing about, knocking your desk over and spilling regurgitated fish skeletons all over the floor. It'd be pretty hard. 

To me, that's just one person chewing gum a row behind me. That person has literally turned into the kraken. They are all I can see, and all I can pay attention to. 

This blog is about my life with 4S. I hope you enjoy it.