Apologies for the absence. For the past few days, I've been deeling with some hooligan who wants my fruit smoothie supply. Specifically mine, it seems. He's persistent. And annoying. And doesn't stick around for me to eject him from the premises. What a joke. We're installing anti-air ravens against him.
Right. Update time!
Selena Singleton is now a ROBO. This may be bad, given the Coronal Mass-Ejections that will fry a ROBO-UMP's processor and kill them.
Having 4 ROBOs, I believe the best strategy may be to upgrade ROBO-UMPs to absorb the ejections. This may make them go haywire, but it's either that or we have a HUMAN-UMP call the shots. And they are bad at that. There's a reason why ROBOs replaced humans.
Then again, sheltering is what the Commissioner and ROBO-UMP Association want. Perhaps we should treat the ROBO-UMPs kindly and not let their processors absorb dangerous amounts of solar particles.
And forsaking is no option. That's just cruel. Machines are artificial beings, maybe they don't have emotions, but despite how I come across, I have feelings. It would just be rude to kill thousands of ROBO-UMPs for no reason. Showing a ROBO how disposable they are... I couldn't.
Either we keep them in the game, or we give them protection.
Selena Singleton keeps appearing as our starting pitcher. I wonder why. She's probably craving some sort of dopamine from throwing the ball, or she wants an excuse to sleep in the pool tonight. Our other four pitchers are currently... hm, what are they doing over there, climbing onto the poles like tha-- oh, they're trying to steal traffic lights. I see. I'm no snitch, so let's just let the town of Kingfisher pay for those.
In other news,
The good news is that Lindsey Bodden's ring now allows her to be unpredictable and baffle the batters.
Darren Nikolaeva, our best runner, has become a ROBO. The ROBO boon, for those who don't know, reduces a player's Speed, Agility, and Acrobatics by 50%. This is pretty bad for her defense and incredible baserunning, but it hasn't slowed her down much. His Discipline and (Batting) Accuracy have both increased by 50%. Pretty alright, overall.
ROBOs at Cardiovascular Castle, if you didn't know, are made mostly of recycled plastics and refined metals. They don't run on gasoline or coal, but rather puréed meals and soups. Like humans. They are slightly vulnerable to rust, but any Ringford ROBO can communicate with each other through wireless signals... sort of like telepathy. We are working on communicating with ROBO-UMPs this way.
I sure hope Darren doesn't mind the new clamps for hands and analytical photoreceptors. He's a tough one. And she's always liked smoothies.
Pitchers on Strike
For a few days, our strikers went on strike. This happened with many other teams, too. You'd think this would be a good thing; the pitchers will finally be doing some striking around here. But it's union strikes. Since they're so tired and unable to play every other day.
Selena Singleton retired during an early inning to float on a tube down the river. Polycarp Friedman decided to make soup after only playing 2 innings. Doc Martinez barely hung around, and they were gone to do experiments in a flash. Kristen Kirk called in a falcon to carry her off. Lindsey Bodden, our Closing Pitcher, had to be called in earlier and earlier to account for these pitchers.
She even had to start a game. She's a solid pitcher, literally, but not even she has infinite energy. The gargoyle needed polishing. We had to start calling in batters to do the jobs of pitchers.
Some quantum weirdness happened as a result. Fielders and pitchers were in two places at once... or perhaps we could observe them moving, but never exactly where they were.
Nevertheless, we did find an astonishing pitcher from, literally, out of Right Field.
Morris Fletcher is an attrocious batter who can only make plays when he draws a walk. He had a batting average of 0 for the first few days. But his pitching is something else. Nobody could score a run off of him. He would grin with a snaggletooth and flick his ears with commanding might, and he threw with intent.
Morris Fletcher has a habit of looking mangy and weak, being an emaciated coyote. It's his unassuming nature that catches people off-guard. He can end up being the center of attention in an instant.
I will consider having him pitch again.
Equipment Enhancement
We have one goal this season, but to explain it, you must know about our team's culture.
When we receive equipment from deliveries, we might collect the average things: shirts, gloves, sneakers, caps, the usual. But we also collect rings. Not the rings you wear on your fingers, though, unless you're a giant.
They're Pilates rings.
The creators of Cardiovascular Castle saw monuments of giants with these rings. Shrines using ring-shaped torches and lanterns. Beacons in the shape of giant, flaming rings. Ring-shaped gates next to oceans and cliffsides. They indicated how important these Pilates rings were to everyday life. Now, there were none remaining.
But, as shown through the many mechanisms that required these rings, the inscriptions on old tablets, and how prevalent the ring motif was... could it be that these rings once held great power, lost to the ages? What could have happened? What secrets lie within?
There's only one way to find out. I specifically requested that the league give us Pilates rings instead of regular rings. These rings could be enchanted by hand, using old incantations found at various temples.
All we need is the enchantment hitting the right target.
