#self-introspection

[kaneshaandrews]

Searching For Purpose After Loss - A short story by Kanesha Andrews

Written by Kanesha Andrews of Fort Worth, Texas, United States, short story 'Searching For Purpose After Loss' is listed as True Life under

[talktomeinclexa]

Mend The Heart You Broke (Heal The Wounds You Caused)

By: TalktomeinClexa

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Non-consensual kiss in this chapter; Panic attacks, depression, suicidal thoughts in other chapters

Status: WIP (7/9)

Summary: Clarke and Lexa led the perfect life. Married, two children, a big house, a group of reliable friends. Until Lexa cheated on her wife and the idyllic picture was smashed to bits. Three months later, Clarke is still trying to put the pieces of her heart together when Lexa slowly comes back into her life. The path to forgiveness will force the artist on a self-introspection journey that won't leave anyone unscathed. But isn't true love worth the fight?

***

Chapter 7: Separation And Reconciliation

The music is already on, blasting through the front door by the time Clarke arrives at Octavia and Lincoln’s apartment. Adjusting O’s present under her arm, she rings the bell twice, preparing herself for an evening of wine, loud conversations, embarrassing stories, and more wine. At least it’s not cheap beer and nothing but unhealthy snacks anymore. Her bladder hasn’t been the same since the cop’s 21st birthday. Which was 15 years ago already. Damn. Time flies.

She’s contemplating knocking on the door when it suddenly opens and she’s greeted by dark curly hair and a grin she hasn’t seen in ages.

“Clarke! It’s so good to see you again.” Strong arms wrap around her, and she finds herself pressed against the chest of her old friend a second later. “I can’t believe it’s been three months already.”

She chuckles and extricates herself from the man’s bear hug. “It’s good to see you too, Bell. How are you? O told Raven and me about your breakup with Echo; I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Oh well.” Bellamy shrugs, running his fingers through his hair. “Don’t worry about it. I liked her, but it wasn’t that serious.”

“I’d better warn the ladies around that Single Bell is ready to mingle then,” she teases before stepping inside the apartment, oblivious to how his eyes follow her.

Octavia greets her with a grin, a wine glass in one hand and Lincoln’s in the other. Happiness looks good on her. Marriage and motherhood made her softer somehow, less abrasive. She is still very vocal about her opinions — nothing on Earth could change that. But she learned to think before she speaks and to take other people’s feelings into consideration. Most of the time.

And Clarke is delighted her friend found love, a kind husband, a career that fulfills her. She knows that the Blakes didn’t always have it easy growing up. Their dad split up before O was born. Money was tight, and they had to grow up faster than anyone should have. Still, a small part of her, the dark, ugly side she tries to ignore on a normal day, can’t help but feel jealous. This should be her, hand-in-hand with Lexa, a smile so big her cheeks hurt. Dancing in the living room among their friends and toasting until they can’t remember anything but good days.

But Lexa isn’t here. She chose to stay home with the twins, not thinking she would be welcome at the party. Not wanting all the attention on her, on them, when their friends — who have all taken Clarke’s side — should be celebrating O’s birthday. The blonde understands; she agreed without making a fuss, not particularly caring to hear everyone’s opinion about how she’s handling the separation. She just wishes it hadn’t come to that.

Soon, the party is in full swing, and everybody is tastefully buzzed. The canapes are delicious, and Clarke makes a mental note to ask Lincoln for the caterer’s name. Not that she thinks she’ll host Thanksgiving dinner, the situation being what it is between Lexa and her, Abby and her, Abby and Lexa… But who knows? Maybe they will all have their shit figured out before Christmas 2030.

Thinking about Lexa brings another wave of emotions that Clarke, with her defenses weakened by the Pinot, struggles to contain. All her regrets, her doubts, her unanswered questions pile up faster than she can handle, threatening to spill from her watery eyes.

Not wanting to become the center of attention, the poor cheated-on wife people will whisper about behind her back, she stumbles into the couple’s room. She sits on Lincoln and Octavia’s bed, wiping away the tears that escaped.

She remains there for a minute, swallowing back her sniffles, head in her hands, when the door opens. Between her fingers, she sees Bellamy walk in hesitantly. The bed dips beside her, and she leans in after one of his arms wraps around her shoulders.

“Hey. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m okay.” A couple more tears roll down her cheeks, the traitors. She hopes that he doesn’t see them. “Just some memories and whatnot. I’ll be fine.”

Bell doesn’t seem convinced, but he lets her have it. His hand rubs circles on her shoulder, comforting her, keeping her close. “It’s okay, Clarke. I know it hurts, but you’re going to be fine. She didn’t deserve you. She never did.”

The blonde frowns at his words and turns around. “No, it’s not like that. She—”

Chapped lips press against hers, stopping the rest of her sentence in her mouth. She can feel his nose pressing against her cheek, his stubble poking her sensitive skin as he puts more pressure into the kiss. Too shocked to react, she doesn’t move until his tongue pushes through her lips, invading her mouth. He tastes like whiskey and tobacco, and it’s the rancidity of it that finally brings her back to her senses.

She pushes on his shoulders with both hands and jerks back, confusion and anger battling on her face. “What the fuck, Bell? What was that?”

Keep Reading

[monisedays]

Do it.

[kojinnie]

Realistically speaking, if I were an Eldian, I wouldn't be a titan-shifter, nor would I be any of the scout/warrior, neither would I be someone they yearn to fuck lmaoooo. I'd probably be one of those people crushed by the rocks when Reiner breached the wall in Season 1.

[rainynotes]

Survival Vs Bravery

I will admit the top is the hardest, it takes true bravery to believe in myself. This is different than survival, to have the drive to strive for my environment is a simple human instinct. To ignore survival is ignorance. The bravery I have found has a widen map, more places to find within. To come from pain, hungry, a lack of love, and grow to widen with love for oneself. To learn how to express true emotion to others in a non-destructive way has taken patience. To believe that where I’m now is not the end, yet it is a ladder, that leads to a higher potential. All those dreams and throughs will be seen. I have broken down my soul, examined the pieces, found the pain, and embraced it. I have seen the colorful pieces learn to love them. I have found the parts that are bigger than me. My worth is no longer defined, my success and strife have no limited, especially not in the confined limits of others wants. I surprise myself, when I start to see myself with the love and encouragement I see others, I’m amazed, this is not ego, this is self-realization. I’m bigger than I give myself credit for, why be scared of the limits of society’s set opinion. As I drive home I see, I hear it all, calling through my music as my mind runs wild with over-analytical mental deep dives. 

[maximilian-alexander]

...

Quick question, for Ace/Aro people out there.

Is it possible to love romance stories in movies, shows, and books, while still being aromantic yourself?

I love romance. I love writing romance. I love romantic tropes, the lifelong commitment, the loving gazes, all of that. 

But I’m starting to realise that I’d never want that for myself. And I’m not sure if that’s a self-worth issue or if I’m simply not able to feel strong romantic attraction. The most I’ve ever felt was a passing thought of “that person’s cute.” And I adore my friends so strongly, sometimes, that I may have confused my platonic need to shower them in affection as romantic attraction. 

Any “crushes” I’ve had were pretty shallow, like that girl at the pool who was... cute as hell, but I mean, I didn’t know her at all. And dating has never crossed my mind. At most, I’ve wanted to maybe kiss someone? Or just wanted them to think I’m nice. Or I thought someone was super cool/nice and wanted to impress them.

I feel like I’ve only ever been on the cusp of romantic attraction and have never actually progressed into that territory. I mean, I’m 19, I’m pretty young so that may not be strange, but I thought at this point I would have had at least one crush that I would actually fantasize about dating.

I mean. I got my sexual orientation figured out, at least. I’m definitely bi. But even then, I’ve never fantasized about anyone I’ve met in real life, and never with ME, because I find that super strange. I can’t see myself in romantic or sexual relations with anyone in the future.

Idk. I’m a little upset I haven’t figured myself out already, but at the same time I know things like this take a while, so I’m not gonna rush. I just want answers from other Ace/Aro people so that maybe I could get a better understanding of myself.

[unfurlingmypetals]

Blooming Through Illusions: A Journey Beyond Ego to the Essence of Self

I am an enigma, even to myself. Who is this woman gazing back at me in the mirror? What does she seek from me, and what do I truly wish to become? As I reflect on the past [redacted] years of my life, a wave of embarrassment, confusion, and sorrow washes over me. How often have I let my ego, anger, and the shadows of my sexual and psychological traumas steer the course of my decisions?

Yet, when I close my eyes and envision my higher self, she appears radiant—fashionable, joyful, and free. She is deeply educated, encircled by love, magnetic in her presence, and utterly unashamed. She is unapologetically herself, a star burning with purpose and light. But here I am, entangled in fear, insecurity, and anger.

This month—and the entirety of 2025—I devote to uncovering the truth of who I am, untangling the threads of my identity from the opinions and expectations of others. Who am I when no one is looking? What do I desire? Who do I wish to be? What are the dreams, values, and goals that will guide me toward my own emergence into the sun and full bloom?

I know this much: I am powerful. I am a woman destined for greatness, a force of transformation on this earth. I carry within me the ability to make the impossible possible, to clear away the weeds and murky waters of life so that others may rise above their suffering and step boldly into their God-given purpose. Some call it the gift of a road opener, and I am only now beginning to embrace the weight and wonder of that role. But how can I lead others to themselves if I remain a stranger to my own soul?

This revelation began as a seed sown in the warmth of summer, its roots now anchoring themselves in my consciousness. I am learning, at last, to know and love the woman within. This is the beginning of a journey to craft a life of authenticity, independence, and true freedom—a life that blooms in harmony with my essence.

I carry within me the ability to make the impossible possible, to clear away the weeds and murky waters of life so that others may rise above their suffering and step boldly into their God-given purpose.

I am not who I thought I was, but over the course of this new year, I hope to come to know myself in a deeply loving and transformative way. From seed to full bloom, I am willing to destroy the old parts of me, rip every petal I have to expose seedpod, to make space for the growing of something new. No more lies—I want to cultivate an authentic and ever-growing version of myself, one who is fearless, loving, and kind.

May God grant me the courage to do so.

[brickcityscribe]

Had a conversation with my mentor about how I hate dealing with ignorant people and my tendency to impose my beliefs or POV on people. She asked, "How would you feel if (my organization) shut you down every time you said something ignorant? You have said some ignorant shit in the past, but we steered you into the right direction because we wanted to keep you. Why do you hold that double standard?" And that hit me hard. 

I admit, I'm arrogant and cruel when it comes to discussing certain issues. I want to talk to people, expose them to different viewpoints, or show them a better way of living and thinking. But my inability to regulate my emotions and my impatience with people who spout bullshit get in my way. Like I can't deal with people who are rooted in their belief systems, thinking they can never be wrong and find comfort in lies and willingly spread misinformation ,propaganda, and look up to false idols to lead them, I have an adverse reaction to it, and I end up losing my patience and resort to verbal abuse (only if the other party initiates it) Or  I tell them to shut the fuck up, or I tune them out or silently dismiss them while they're still talking, letting them know what they have to say is no importance to me. Admittedly, the way I respond stems from times when my beliefs or knowledge were dismissed or ridiculed in the past and I never stood up for myself, or had the ability to defend my viewpoint so now I can do these things, but my wounded inner child takes over. 

 And....as someone committed to class struggle, to anti-racism, anti-imperialism, anti-capitalism etc., that's not going to do me any favors in the long run. I have to respect people beliefs, even if I don't personally agree with their POV. It’s so easy to call people ignorant or dumb, but in the end, I lose because even though it’s short term-satisfaction, it does me no favors in the long run because I’ll be considered a self-righteous tyrant.  I’m just passionate and I love my people and they’ve been so gaslit and deceived, and I hate to see them lead astray by false idols who weaponize identity politics for their own self-gain. But I realize I go about it the wrong way, and that’s something I need to work on. 

Don’t get the wrong idea about me. I’m an open-minded person and I’m usually respectful of people’s viewpoints, even if I don’t agree with them. I love when people show me something different.  But then there are some people who present their beliefs as truth or use it to justify atrocities, or spread lies that have been repeatedly debunked. Or people who co-opt revolutionary movements and present themselves as some type of champion for the oppressed, a messiah type person. I have a problem with them. Those are the people I’m truly angry at, and not the people being fooled by them.

Anyways, my mentor made me think and feel....Do I want to be right or do I want to win more people to the cause?