#semi-possession

[desvoixdansmatete]

Channeling openly

So... last night my ex wife and I got into a heated discussion about whether or not she believed me as to my own experiences with homeopathy and my own observations. It was raw and unexpected and when things got to a head, I started channeling openly for her -- as in, a voice came out while I was still fully present and fully conscious: simultaneous co-conscious channeling. The voice introduced herself as not me and was using a calm tone.

My ex has enough experience in the realm of spirituality and consciousness that this was not going to freak her out the way it did my ex-partner, but it was a weird new experience for me. The voice who was coming through talking to her seemed to calm her down. I haven’t checked in with my ex yet to see how she’s doing. 

So this was weird. A weird new experience. 

I wish all the terrible and adversarial voices and entities and experiences would go away. But I can’t help but hope that this is a turn in a more solidly positive direction. 

Stuck dealing with incessant co-consciousness and semi-possession for nearly 2.5 years now, every day, every waking moment, sometimes infiltrating my dreams. I would so like to have the good things back in my life. My intuition, my reiki, my ability to journey into the Otherworld.  

[desvoixdansmatete]

The Vlexia are what has been attacking [me]. We like to think we can tell her what we know but we lie to her constantly. She knows so little and yet she knows so much more than she thinks she does. Velexia is our name and we do not lie about that. Or do we? Ix’tbli is our name for her and her alone because she is the empress of all humanity just like in that movie she watched last night. Every girl’s fantasy. 

[so, this is what happens when I let them take over writing and there was a full sense of 13-year-old-girl impish mischief as she wrote. Let’s analyse: “she is the empress of all humanity” This is the sort of thing they say that leads schizophrenics to have delusions of grandeur. I’m not the bloody empress of all humanity; I’d really just like to be the ruler of my own psychic space, for pete’s sake -- to simply have control over my own psychic borders and to be able to consciously dictate what gets let in and what doesn’t. Or, even better, to not even have to consciously stand guard; to know that this is something that doesn’t have to be thought about or reinforced constantly. To know that my psychic borders are a defense system that is as automatic as my autonomic nervous system, so no psychic boarders who fancy me even get past the gates.

Secondly, “every girl’s fantasy”: This is in relation to having watched Jupiter Ascending and she’s got it somewhat wrong. The movie plays into the fantasy of being rescued (by Channing Tatum, every. freaking. time. to the point of absolute ridiculousness, or by whatever handsome stock fantasy figure you can imagine), as well as playing into the fantasy of discovering that you’re a queen so that, well... so that you can be rescued from your very mundane peasant life. Jupiter Ascending is a rescue fantasy played to the hilt.

The “Or do we?” is a question I have had to deal with somewhat frequently from these beings. They also went through a period of one voice making a statement and then another voice asking, “Do you believe that’s true?” Or one voice making a definitive statement and a contrary voice countering it. All to help me figure out what I feel to be true for me and for my own experience, but, like, in the most spectacularly annoying, insanity-inducing way possible. This is a part of what I call straightjacket enlightenment.]