#senseless rant

[yourcouponpapi]

Imma say it. A lot of a Gorillaz fanart is the bomb . com but the inaccurate height differences are a huge pet peeve of mine and I'm sorry. Just Remember 2D is a gentle slender giant. (He's like 6'2 guys psa)

[boughtmender]

A rant about transfem and brown representation and identity

I’ve just come to the realization that I’ve never seen an Indian transfem, and I’ve never seen many transfems with the same body or hair like me, and I’m like, why??? For all the talking about how we’re such an inclusive community how come every damn TikTok compilation is all white people with skinny bodies? And how come queer and brown people in media always, ALWAYS feel like they’re there to satisfy some sort of diversity quota? I genuinely wish having other cultures in media wasn’t a selling point, because you shouldn’t be looking for diversity, you should be avoiding non-diverse areas. On that note, it’s okay to have a cast or workforce that’s largely one group of people. It doesn’t matter what the colour of your skin is, and that means that sometimes there will be a large majority! I hate feeling like a diversity hire, or watching a generic character in media, or feeling conscious about my identity.

[esto-es-un-error]

spent all night crying until i fell asleep because my mother in law barged in the room to confront me about me being mean to her at work while i was videocalling my parents. i had to hang up. mil was all teary eyed accusing me that i was acting mean and ignoring her at work when it wasn’t fucking true. i tried explaining that i just don’t feel social there because i’m stressed and don’t like talking to people but she had none of it and i had to apologize until she left the fucking room.

i know she has her own issues with anxiety but jfc you’re a grown woman keep it together, i wasn’t even ignoring you i just wanted to sit fucking quietly and with my headphones. i was so fucking pissed when she left and i called my parents back and their immediately asked “os she always like that?” “she’s a grown women why is she crying about that?” “are they mistreating you?”. videocalling them is something i have to do with a clear headspace and at that point i couldn’t formulate a clear sentence. i just told them i was tired and i would call them again on the weekend.

so yea i didnt went for dinner because i didnt want to see my mil or interact with anyone except my wife because i knew i would cry. even now i dont want to leave the room. it feels dumb and im still angry. i hate apologizing when i didn’t do shit. my friend told me it’s the mature thing to do sometimes when i hurt someones feelings unknowingly. but fuck that, i already explained to them my boundaries and why i am how i am but i feel nobody takes me seriously.

“oh you don’t start conversation with me at work because you’re constantly overwhelmed?? you fucking monster i require an apology because your brain don’t function normally.” i dont want to be the mature or bigger person here. i know i’ve recieved worse treatment from my mom but at least she never came crying expecting me to apologize, this is something i can’t deal with. my mom’s behavior had a more commanding tone, she didn’t apologize and i wasn’t expected to apologize either and it was never sugarcoated.

i dont need a second mom. i dont like the act of “im a replacement of your mom but better”. i dont like having to apologize for things i can’t control, i hate it, it makes me so angry. dont guilt me into shit. dont guilt me in front of my fucking parents. i blame a lot of this on past trauma, that i can’t differentiate when situations require an apology and when im asked to apologize my brain goes in defensive mode no matter what.

i’m hoping tomorrow i’ll feel less angry.

[water1oo]

okay but like.....insurance is absolutely fucking stupid especially when it comes to mediCal/coveredca, things that are meant to help financially.

i moved from northern to southern california so i had to updated my coveredca address, but was forced to apply through mediCal because i’m not allowed to use job estimates to estimate the bill and was currently in between jobs

mediCal is the worst lmao and took well over a month to get anything moving (almost impossible to talk to an irl person to answer questions). coveredCA on the other hand, knew i was getting processed through mediCal but wouldn’t cancel my current kasier plan under them (which i am not allowed to personally cancel which is absolutely bonkers to me). 

i then FINALLY got processed through medical 2 weeks ago, and then coveredca told me i didn’t have to worry about getting billed by kasier (the ACTUAL insurance) despite the 267 dollar premium bill getting sent to me given the fact that my kaiser insurance wasn’t even active.

cue to yesterday and i realize kaiser billed me 267 dollars anyways on the same day i had to pay rent so i had to do a last minute money transfer so my check wouldn’t bounce for rent.

i called kaiser and theyre like /uh yeah you can’t cancel the plan but whenever coveredca does we’ll refund you/ and then i call coveredca and they give me sass and condescending attitude bc they think i’m an idiot and then toward the end they were like “oh....i see what you mean” and it’s always so fucking aggravating 

gfreiowdmlrfe

this rant had no point other than to rant. im eventually gonna get refunded my money idk when. but i never even authorized the 267 payment. a couple months ago i forgot to pay my 74 dollar usual premium and they were like /hey youre forgetting to pay!/ and never autocharged but this time when i ddnt have activ insurance they did even tho i never ever ever gave the ok for it.

im mad. bye

[hufflepuff-dreaming]

Sometimes I wonder if this is really real. I feel like a little girl playing dress up. I wait for the moment I am scolded and told none of this is mine. That I must return to playing and leave all of this to grown ups. I feel it when people look down at me at work, at the store, or any other public setting. At work it’s: “Are you an after school volunteer? That’s lovely.” or “Can you get me someone who works here?” or “Can you find your supervisor, surely they know what they’re doing.” In other settings it’s: “Are you lost little girl?” or “Do you know where your parents are?” or “I would never let my daughter leave the house wearing that.” 

Those comments make me feel younger than I am. I am old enough to work and drink for the record. I know I am not a child, but they treat me like one and make me feel like one.

 I do not know how I got here. 

[lokidonahornyway]

So german language scientists or whatever they call themselves said that ‘’zwombie’’ is the german youth word of the year or something.

Zwombie. I swear to god who did ever say that? I never heard it before. No one says that. Did they ever actually talk to teenagers? Do they even know what teenagers are? I guess we’ll never find out.

And ‘’shipping’’ means being in a relationship. Do they know what the internet is? Did they ever just ask a teenager about it? I swear what is this?

[nuclearkarma-blog]

I hope one day parents will learn to not force their kids to do anything if their kid is ABSOLUTELY uncomfortable. I was just used as a frikkin messenger between my mom and a post office worker. I don't talk when I'm uncomfortable with the people around me. But since my mom apparently couldn't walk 5 feet with her working legs, she persisted and prodded me until I had to ask the worker a question. Repeated this process multiple times, with points where my mom "shot the messenger" a few times. Then there was a huge complaint and fit from my mom. Plus a bit of a mental breakdown thanks to my anxiety giving out of me.

[0jamajos]

I hate when people, specially grown ups are out of the blue like:

“If I were you I would [insert project/idea here]”

Well, yes, you’re not me and I don’t wanna do that. I know they don’t do it to be mean or anything, but I hate it. 

If they’re telling me that to motivate me, it really isn’t working, it just makes me feel pressured and a little attacked, like, what I’m currently doing isn’t good enough or...? 

And also, if you really want someone to do that, why don’t you do it yourself? I mean, I can help you, you can suggest it in a nice and interesting way, but if you just tell it to me like that it’s.... ugh, why are you trying to put your ideas and projects on my shoulders? I don’t want them, I don’t want the pressure of them.

Inviting someone to do something is different than saying them they should or must do it.