Really just want to put a playlist on my tumblr inspired by Hannibal and my own personal tastes, though you could argue that all music would be my personal taste because I like it lol.
"Three strangers join Hawke and the Inquisition in their adventure to save Thedas."
At it's base, it's bland, but it's a general concept. It tells me in a single sentence what my aim is. What I'm doing. I can go into more detail and I can tell you the names of my three "strangers". I could extrapolate their pasts, the reason I chose their names and races and how they look.
But for me, my neat little sentence lies out. I'm going to write about three people who find themselves just as entangled in the future of Thedas as my Inquisitor.
I am 26, and as such perhaps I should have known better, but all it takes is one bad day, one irresposible comment and even the most logical of us can become rash. I'm not logical and I'm aware of it. I'm more often lead by my emotions than I am by my mind. I make rash comments, sometimes I regret them, and rash decisions, often I regret those.
I've been working for three years as a Certified Nursing Assistant at a local hospital, and the "office politics" as my friend calls them were nasty. From the day I met one of my charge RNs (we'll call her Kim) she always had it out for me, I felt. I'd hardly been out of training and on my own a month when I met her, and instead of understanding that or taking the time to understand it, I was at her mercy. I was overwhelmed? It didn't matter, she wanted to know why I hadn't given this patient a bath? Why hadn't I answered this call light yet? Why hadn't I asked for help? And every new policy decided? She came to me, gave me the lecture with the words "you'll start getting written up if you don't." No one else suffered under her dislike, or if they did, they didn't last long. She was friendly with the other CNAs, she laughed with them, she joked with them, but me? There was always something she could find to fault me with.
I was told by more than one person that I was "an easy target" as if I made it my mission to incur her wrath. In the beginning my coworkers were selfish, hard pressed to ever help, and it never came without a rude comment about how they really didn't "have the time" to do this. So why didn't I call for help? I learned to call the desk and tell them when I was tied up, but if I ever failed thinking I would only take a minute, please. It was "you never call out", "you always forget to hook up bed alarms", "this has become a problem with you". And instead of believing me? She took the patient's words. She once ripped me for not giving a patient a bath, which I had, and I went off on her. I yelled that I was a good worker and that my patients respect me. She apologized later that same day. I thought maybe after that, we would be good.
No.
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Kim and then my Floor Manager Jane, suddenly started counting on me to run errands, which would make you think "yay, they trust me" but the bullying didn't stop. I wanted nothing to do with the "office politics" I just wanted to care for my patients and go home. I made few friends and I really didn't hang out with any of them outside of work. Maybe that was my mistake, not coming off as social, but I saw everyone there as gossips more preoccupied by everyone's business than the patients. My business, when I chose to share it? Became everyone's business. And yet for me? When I got upset at their words I "wasn't to go around to everyone and share". I was expected to live up to "rules and policies" just like everyone else, but everyone else wasn't threatened like me. They weren't given lectures, threatened with being written up, they weren't even spoken to. The management had their favorites and their favorites were usually those who couldn't be half-arsed to do their jobs properly or those who I witnessed verbally abusing our patients. They hated their jobs and it showed. I loved mine. Note I said "loved". No, I came to love my patients: the ones who weren't sexual, unreasonable, etc. You get those sorts in every profession, though. Of the thousands I probably assisted during my stay, I had very few of them.
So I was trusted to do jobs with a high responsibility, but they'd turn around and yell at me for the same thing and tell me "it was becoming a bad habit". I was trusted to set up others' patients for falls risks but they'd yell at me if someone had unplugged a bed alarm and I hadn't noticed.
Then I met Kim's pet. Alice. Alice was a single mother (there were other single mothers on the floor, but I use this to describe her for reasons that I'll go into) and she was mouthy. Hated her job? From 1 to 10 she measured at a 100. She was fired from patients' rooms on a regular enough basis that it became unexpected and one more thing on the floor to sigh or give "that sort of look" to another person about. Alice again. She also was consistently late to work and no one said anything to her. No discipline. I would have explained this away as a living distance, but I can't. If you know you need to be at work at 6:30, you should be able to make it. We had a nurse that from near the state border and she always made it on time. Lived in another state and still wasn't late that often. No, you need to be responsible. But she wasn't spoken to about this. While another CNA I worked with was fired for it as well as multiple absences because of her epilectic son.
Alice, though? She missed her 5 sick days within the first two months of her start. She would claim her child was sick and that was fine. Oh, so it's okay if it's /her/ child. She was petted, respected, and favored by the management. She could do no wrong. She still can't. In fact, I've been there 3 years and her, not even a year yet. Yet Kim locks her away asking her to "fix the schedule" for her. No, you mean have Alice fix her own schedule. I get being a single mom is hard, but like I said, there were others on the floor and they weren't favored like this, but I was told by Kim, herself that she felt for her for that reason, but she'd yell at another single mom who was also raising her nephew.
No. Just no.
So I get hounded on, told I'd get written up if I missed days (when I was legitimently sick) and yet let's be afraid/favor these others? And I wasn't the only one who saw it. I was told by other's it was true. They'd comment on it without me having to say anything. I once got yelled at because I had an ambulatory patient fall off the commode because she leaned too far forward and slipped. We have to stay with our Falls patients when they go to the bathroom, but if a patient in ambulatory, they're not to be stayed with unless requested by them. She didn't want us in there, and beyond that she wasn't even my patient. I'd moved her bedside commode to her as a favor for another coworker who was busy in a room.
In the end, I got yelled at that I should have "stayed with her" when no, I wasn't breaking a rule. She was fully capable of walking, thanks and had had a clumsy moment. Her fall wasn't me disregarding rules.
I even got threatened to be written up for a patient who didn't even fall on my shift of work. Why? Because someone claimed her bed alarm wasn't plugged in. I never unplugged it, had checked it before I left, and then I found out her alarm had never been unplugged. I shared that truth along with the sentiment that I wasn't taking responsibility for another shift via a text to Jane, who I assume wasn't happy about it. You see, if night shift had left an alarm unplugged for insistence and gave me report? That unplugged alarm is my fault. It was vice versa for night shift when I gave them report at the end of the day. They were now responsible. It didn't matter that the alarm was never unplugged, it was the fact of them changing policy to suit their dislike.
I don't even know why they disliked me. My patients have found me compassionate, generous, thoughtful, and a hard worker. I guess it was never enough for them. So I got angry and more angry and more angry until the environment became so toxic that I made the rash decision to write my two-week's notice. I didn't have another job, but when you've had enough, you have.
Reason came to me the day after and I told Kim I was staying and when Jane came back I emailed her 5 days prior to my last day. The next schedule wasn't made yet. I was a good employee, right? They'd keep me even if they loved targeting me, right? I'd even apologized for being so negative and told them I was looking for change, but wanted to work to cooperate with them until my change came.
Except they knew I'd called them bullies. Words had been heard by one of their "lackeys" on the floor. They probably also knew I was going to take my compliant to HR. I was told by Kim that she knew I had that sentiment and that "she didn't have a problem with me or single me out." Right. Sorry, but it really is a load of bull. I don't have proof they found out about me wanting to go to HR, but I'd said both things.
It's July 9th, today. I put in my notice two weeks ago. Yesterday I came to work to find myself not on the new schedule. My manager had responded to my email about rescinding my resignation.
"Thank you for your honesty. I have accepted your resignation. I think a change would be good for you."
Those were her words. Legally, she didn't have to accept me "taking back" my notice, but while my email was professional it did say I wanted to stay and work with them.
I unemployed now.
I had no job back-up, though I was looking to transfer within the hospital to another floor.
They let me go, despite my dedication and care to my patients. I guess, they didn't like that I grew a backbone. I suspect they knew I was planning to report them to HR.
Too bad for them, I'm still going to HR. Still, I don't know what I did to be so disliked that I felt pushed to this rash decision. I never disliked them, I respected them until they turned out to be untrustworthy and crafty. They kept me when I asked to move to night shift, were nice to me, and I decided to stay only for the target practice to pick back up.
My family said they warned me to not be rash, but I think after three years, it was about time I blew up. Who wants to work where you get taken advantage of? Where the only way to be respected is to stoop to their nasty level of confrontation? It sounds horrible, right? They didn't like me when I argued back at them for their ridiculous expectations. Called me "aggressive and defensive". Oh well, that's my personality. You don't care that Alice is the same way.
My point is. I see your politics and I'm still going to talk about it. Treat all your employees the same or get out of your management job. You're so blinded by your cliche you just let me go and now you can be stuck with Alice who hates her job, yells at her patients, and is even more dramatic and confrontational.
Good luck!
Meanwhile I'll be here worrying how I'm now going to pay my bills and looking for a new job.
So my friend @danger-flammable who I’ve known for 12 years (omg, we’ve known each other that long?!) saw the above post and you know what she messages me? “Hannigram AU with Leyendecker and Beach inspired plot”
This is why you’re my best friend @danger-flammable! You support my Hannigram and were surprised I didn’t tag the post with “Hannigram”. Honestly, it should have been the most natural tag to add! It makes so much sense.
