You may not remember it, but everything about you is still clear to me. Memories flood my whole being and I cannot swim away from it; don't think I would if I was given a life vest. What I had with you-- and what I never had, I treasure it. People can ask me about you five years from now and I will still smile while remembering you.
Every girl recalls how she first realized she's got a crush on someone, or is it just me? Because, baby, I can still relive what happened that day. Okay, I don't remember the exact date, but it was mid September and our class took a test on tentenenen!!! my favourite subject-- English. I was so confident I can ace it, but I ended up mistaking 2 items. It wasn't a big deal, really. Not until we got dismissed and when I went outside, I saw you with your friends and you asked me about my score. Long story short: You got 29 and I got 28. I teased you about being smart and you just laughed, saying I still do better than you. It was then, luv, it was then that I realized I have a crush on you. It was then that all I ever talked about is how smart you are. It was then that your name became my favourite word. It was then that you became a regular visitor of my mind.
How about the night I figured you're the cutest drunk dork, ever? It was 8 o'clock and I, along with my friends, was still at the University after our 5 p.m class. We were talking and I suddenly saw five figures walking on the ground floor. I immediately know the ony with a messy hair was you. You sat on a concrete adjacent to my place at the 3rd floor. You saw me, and you started calling my name. I don't recall how many times you shouted my name, but it was music to my ears. I was on the upper floor and you were on the ground but I can still see your face and how red it was because of alcohol. You were smiling that damned genuine smile that can make every girl crazy, and in that moment, I wanted to see more of it. I wanted to see you happy because it's a possession so precious and I want to savour it. I wanted your smile and wanted to know everything that causes it. I wanted you, luv.
I just want you to know that the night you asked my friend for my number was a blessing. The sleepless nights that came after it were worth it because it was spent talking to you. If the universe were to relive those moments, I would not have it any other way, except for one thing: I would like to ask the universe to let me like you a little earlier. I can't like you back then for you were in a relationship and I wanted to be a friend. I wanted to be there when things a getting complicated; and boy, was I there the whole time. I was there until I started liking someone else, someone who is physically closer to me, not realizing what I have with you, what I share with you, what I feel for you, the strong connection between us, is so much bigger than what I could have with anybody else, so I am sorry for constantly ignoring you. I am sorry my attention shifted. The universe and this fucking fate just won't let us. They won't let me like you in the right time, but I still liked you anyway. I still liked you even when it's not the universe that tells me not to anymore, even when it's already you. I liked you knowing how complicated this could get. I like you even when it will create a gap between us.. and I am sorry.
My whole being misses you and it is sad that I can't have you back. It's sad because I never had you in the first place. It's sad because I will never have you. You are not the one that got away, luv. You are the one I never had. I will never share kisses with you, never could give you hugs, never will smile while staring at you, never could argue with how I love you more.. and baby, it's kiling me.
