The Internet was gone and I was in a bad mood at that time, so I did the only thing I can do while having a migraine on my elder sis’ laptop. But let me be real for you all who pass this post: -
I am exactly what this drawing shows: Bored, Boring, Guilty conscious, Greedy, Lonely and Selfish. I had no best friends since I was taught by Mom that once you pour your heart to someone you trust, they will share it with others which is a bad thing. I use my passion to get attention and one day have friends from the other side of the screen who I can talk freely with, be myself and learn new things. But I’ve been doing that shit for the past 7 years!!! I have friends, yet I still don’t remember their birthdays or what they like due to being scared of disappointing/disturbing them or showing my bad side that will result in abandonment. I get tired just when I place a pencil on a paper to draw on! There are times when the more I spend time looking at other artists do their thing and get comments, the more I get jealous for not getting that, even after I developed my art style. And just because I’m inactive in posting my art doesn’t mean that the admin is too; I ALWAYS check the notifications just to see how well my art did. Most people who followed me on DA were there after posting PowerPuff Girls-style art, the time when I was still looking for my style; I have a feeling that because I didn’t do those art styles anymore, the no. of messages lessened. I felt that I don’t matter in social media and I shouldn’t have made that darn DA account in the first place, I should have listened to my parents or fail in my tests to pass in finals and end up in a dead end job feeling nothing. I want to be famous like the people I am fans with because they had an experience that made them alive to tell others, but I guess I was over-expecting myself.
What am I talking about? As if anyone is going to read this and feel sorry about me; I’m just pulling a victim-card and expecting attention, right? FUCK YOU. I suffer from constant honesty syndrome (sarcastic truth) which makes me brutally honest that no one can stop me, no matter how hard I try, I will say what’s in my mind and still no one would understand what I mean! I also suffer from a mood swing where I pendulum myself from being nice and generous person to a miserable fuck who shouldn’t be here in the first place, rant to “innocent” passer-bys, in seconds after you hit me on a personal level that makes me doubt myself. I hate the fact that even those who still need to develop their art style have more followers while I’m just sitting on my tablet, waiting for some questions or somebody to chat with, thinking that they will spread news about me and see what I can do. So what’s the point of typing this long-ass description, you’ll say? I’m keeping this blog on hiatus for a month.
Sorry if I hurt your feelings, sorry for making you upset after seeing the real me and I’m sorry to those who I followed who see this post, BUT I’M OUT!
SO UNTIL I HAVE MY CONFIDENT-ASS BACK TO APOLOGIZE, FUCK TUMBLR, FUCK DEVIANT ART, FUCK EVERYTHING THAT MADE FEEL LIKE SHIT AND FUCK YOU ALL!