How Do You Deal With Existential Fear?
At the time of writing this, I have just learned that a man in my town, the Town of Wilton, has tested positive for the COVID-19 virus. Due to his age, he most likely has children in the school district, and people on our local Facebook page are beginning to show some fear. COVID-19 is not just out there anymore. It’s here. ( I also just learned that the Scarsdale school district is closing for over a week due to the infection of one of its teachers. I can only imagine the number of calls there will be from parents about who it is and how they can protect their own families.)
This morning, I felt the weight of the decisions I would make regarding the welfare of my congregation as we gathered for worship. Was I putting them at risk by certain practices involved in morning services, or if I chose to alter plans, would I only be feeding the anxiety machine? I thought carefully about how I would communicate what procedures our leaders had put into place, so that we could move through our time together with ease. In order to be effective, I realized I needed to keep my own anxiety in check.
Ultimately, things went on this morning as usual, with extra Purell available, no handshakes at the door and all-in-one communion servings sealed in plastic, so as to not expose the elements to germs. We laughed, we prayed, and we sang. We heard about a recent service trip our high schoolers took to serve the homeless and working poor in Washington, DC. People left with hope.
The same is true in parenting, I think. I listened to a NYTimes parenting expert this week on NPR who talked about how we should talk with our children about this virus, which seems to be lurking in the shadows and wreaking havoc on so many lives. She advised being honest with children in age-appropriate ways about the coronavirus by first asking what they know about it, and then answering those questions. I imagine as more schools close for cleaning purposes, more will need to be shared.
But what seems more important than ever, is to keep our own anxiety about this amorphous virus in check. Do what we can to prevent transmission, wash your hands and sing a dozen songs, and then let it go.
So, how do you deal, in a healthy way, with existential fear and anxiety over things which you can’t control, which is basically everything outside yourself? Do you meditate? Exercise? Read? Talk to friends?
This is actually a great time to teach children meaningful ways to de-stress in all areas of their lives. When you think about it, we have very little control of our lives. We only have the illusion of control. Helping our children to make healthy choices based on the information they have and then moving on might help. Letting them know that they are loved and that they are not alone in whatever they face is always a good message. If our own anxiety is in check, we’ll have a much better chance of communicating what we want/need with authenticity.
Shannon White Shannon is currently Pastor of Wilton Presbyterian Church in Wilton, CT. Until recently, she was a TV journalist with News 12, where she reported on a variety of issues. Shannon is also a widely known speaker and author. Her books, The Invisible Conversations with Your Aging Parents (2012) and How Was School Today? Fine (2010), which she wrote with her now high school-aged daughter, are available on Amazon.com. She lives in Wilton, CT.