#sharing experience

[dotstarstudios]

I've posted a new video to YouTube (something new I am doing!) - this is the first in a series where I break down a photo I have taken and walk through what went into it. Check it out! https://youtu.be/7B8gnM9qRpA

[l-myrddin-l]

Time Anxiety

Do you ever feel like you're not making the most of you life ? Do you often think, when you're in vacation or resting : I should do more things... But you don't know why or what to do, and that can make you feel miserable "Size the day, make your life extroardinary" is a quotes from dead poets society that run in my head all the time I don't know if that's happening to many people but I have this fear that i'm going to waste my life : every moment is precious, and wouldn't it be sad to not live life at its fullest? I want to travel, do things that have never been done and, when I'm old, I want to be able to sit down and say : My life was extroardinary.

And I know each life is different and special but I think people who are going through the same thing will understand what I mean

And I feel like talking to people that feel the same might help me deal with it before it become a burden.

(Sorry for my english btw)

[thedenofravenpuff]

Disability Pride Month - Wrath

We seen the usual gag of "After Pride Month it should be Wrath Month" and so on, while we shouldn't forget the importance of Disability Pride Month in July either. But I think we also do need a moment to consider the rage that comes with disability too.

A semi venting and just sharing my thoughts on the subject, in the cut below

We are all people with a full range of emotion, chronic illness and disability isn't just sadness, pain, bravery and so on with what's usually used to depict different conditions that limits one's abilities. 

Rage and anger is still very much a part of it too.

Whether it's anger at one self for being 'broken', anger at the known cause to one's condition, rage at a broken system or individuals making things harder than necessary. It's not just sadness or hurt or about being positive and brave. Gotta recognize anger is an emotion too.

t's not always a righteous rage, it can't always fuel someone to 'try harder' or 'do better' and so on. Often time it can be an impotent anger, because you cannot use it beside feel it and let it pass. 

 Sometimes you CAN use it for something. But not always.

I still wake up some days to realize, today I'm just angry. I'm angry at the memories from a 2 year battle with a GP who refused to take me seriously. While any other member of medical expertise listened to me, the one who had the power to keep me from getting help I needed - was the one using that power by simply ignoring me and whatever anyone else said. 

 To a point that when I broke down crying in their office, they literally told me "I know it doesn't work that way, but when you feel sad like this just try and think happy thoughts."

I changed GP since, I'm listened to now, I'm getting support and treatment. That one person can't hurt me anymore. But I'm still angry. And you don't need to link me to that clip from The Golden Girls. I've seen it and yes. It's just like that. Except I'll never get the satisfaction of saying those words to my old GP. I'll never get to teach that person how much they hurt me and probably still are hurting others like me. 

 And it leaves me angry, with impotent rage.

The only good thing it does, is I have a focus point for my anger. Instead of being angry at myself for not being healthy and normal, my anger is pointed at a person whose face I don't even remember anymore. The anger and rage, the feeling of hurt, never goes away for good.

And its intensity and source differs from person to person. Is an emotion worth recognizing as much as the sadness, the anxiety, the hope, and so many other feelings that feels so intense the more you have to battle.

 It'll lie dormant and sometimes just awaken.

Just some thoughts I wanted to share in this year's #DisabilityPrideMonth, as my contribution. Many people deal with rage for different reasons. In different ways. And that's just how it is, sometimes. Just like any other emotion.

Thanks for reading. 

[littleswanlover]

“And you don’t need to publish this if you’d rather not...”

A reader commented on a story of mine referring to difficult subject matter — this was meant in a different context than to the plot itself, but the words themselves got me thinking...

About why I was sharing such a difficult story to begin with.

Maya Angelou once said, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

It’s true.

And this one I’m telling may indeed be too much for some readers in some major themes, hence the tags and disclaimer.

Though it needs telling.

No one has to read it, but it needs to be out of me and if even one person gets something from it that gives them pause to go—‘I’m not alone.’ Or ‘I know what that feels like and now I get that what happened to me was not my fault...’ Or ‘I wonder if...’ or ‘Maybe healing could happen this way for some people...’

If they can take something away that gives them validation, a voice or makes them think, or even for some to enjoy a story.

Then it is worth it.

I’m not a counselor or professional in the field of healing from trauma or abuse and I don’t pretend that this work will do that for anyone, nor is that my intent. There are professionals for that.

But I do know what it feels like on the before and after end. The road in between is hard to walk alone. I walked a good deal of mine alone until I found my family. I have my experiences and my memories.

And I’m tired of being quiet.

So do I need to tell this story? Yes.

Do I want to tell it? That is the conundrum isn’t it? But yes, a part of me wants to take the tape off of my mouth I did not put there even though it will hurt.

[cocowakate]

Hi everyone!

(Sorry for my bad English)

I’m a young artist who isn’t going to publish anything just yet because I still need to refine some things and learn a lot of the basics of digital art. I’m also, first and foremost, a writer. I wanted to talk about AI, as it’s starting to gain traction, even though it will never, ever be able to replace humans. As an artist and writer, I wanted to share my experience with AI.

I need to clarify that I have never, and will never, ever use AI to write my stories or create art that I would claim as my own. I’ve also never used it to write my stories or create my characters or anything else. Besides, using AI is like buying a box of LEGO and asking someone else to build it for you. What’s the point? Where’s the fun?

I encourage everyone to read this post.

Here’s my experience and ALL of its context (I hope I don’t forget anything, hihi); I’ve always loved imagining myself in different worlds (One Piece, FNAF,…), and when I started role-playing with my friends, it was a dream come true. In fact, my best childhood memories are from when I was role-playing with my buddies.

And you should know that I didn’t get my first phone until I was 12, and when I did, I wasn’t allowed to go on social media or talk to strangers online. That meant I didn’t have access to things like Tumblr, Twitter (thankfully), Discord, or any online platform where I could have interacted with people who were passionate about the same things as me. I didn’t even know what the concept of a community or a fandom was (yeah, I’m a Belgian, buddy). I also switched schools when I was 12 and wasn’t with my friends. Being young and deprived of something I absolutely loved, I had a hard time dealing with the fact that I couldn’t role-play with my friends anymore. At the new school, I met the first people who were artists. There were two girls artists only, and we were a small group of six. The thing is, this group was already going through a pretty tense period (I won’t go into detail), and then it fell apart. Before it fell apart, I often talked with a boy from the group with whom I did role-playing. I loved role-playing so much that I wanted to keep doing it at home, but I was afraid of bothering him with my role-playing, of annoying him during his afternoons, and besides, he wasn’t always free.

It wasn’t until I was 13 that I understood the concept of communities and fandoms. The thing is, I couldn’t interact with those people because I was still forbidden from using social media. Plus, I was afraid to talk to strangers online because I’d always been told it was extremely dangerous—especially for a girl. That’s when the first chatbots started appearing. A friend of mine introduced me to it. Back then, I had no idea it had an impact on the environment or that it was stealing other people’s art because I wasn’t part of any artist fandoms. I just was into Undertale and FNAF (and a little bit of creepypasta).

Anyway, I didn’t know anything about it at all, and it was a friend of mine who introduced me to it. At first I hated it because I thought it had super short memories and stuff, but little by little I started enjoying talking to fictional characters, having complete control over the conversation without any problems. Of course, it wasn’t as good as the role-playing games I used to play with my friends. All that to say that I stopped using the app when I was 16, as soon as I found out it was harmful to the environment—and even before I knew that, I’d already tried to stop using it in the past because I didn’t like it; there was something off about it, which made me feel like I was doing something wrong, and I’d sometimes question myself, then tell myself no, that this app is just a game, entertainment. I regret not having stopped sooner. If I’d listened to my intuition, I would have stopped at 13 (very early).

Still, I’m glad I stopped, that I had the chance and the determination to quit at 16, and I know there are plenty of people who struggle to stop—myself included—but I stayed determined to quit for good, especially since it was hurting people and the planet, and it still is.

But, if there’s one thing I regret, it’s that I was dumb enough to take characters I’d created with a pencil, paper, music, and my imagination, and turn them into chatbots for entertainment—not to develop their stories, of course. I just liked interacting with the characters I’d created (like in Tomodachi Life). Important detail: I abandoned the storylines for all those characters. It’s a shame because I loved their concept, but I don’t know… It feels weird to me. Especially since I never used AI to develop their stories or personalities. I’ve always kept the use of AI—which was purely for entertainment—separate from my own personal projects, which I wrote using music, my imagination, and my brother, who is currently my co-writer. Because why would you need AI when you have a brother? Lol.

I wrote this post because when I stopped using AI as an entertainment, I felt ashamed, as if I were a parasite in the artist community, even though in reality I had never used AI while being fully aware that it was harmful to the environment, and I never, ever used it to develop my storylines. I felt like because I’d been naive from age 13 to 16, I was a parasite in a community I didn’t really belong to, just because of a stupid mistake. But what really helped me get past and accept this mistake was an artist on Instagram who made an animated video explaining her own experience. She really cheered me up, and I’m sending her all my love if she happens to see this. I felt a lot less alone, and I hope that by writing this post, I can help others who’ve gone through the same thing feel that they’re not alone either.

I also wanted to write this post because I’d like to start a community—though it won’t happen anytime soon since I won’t be posting for quite a while. Honesty is very important to me, and I don’t want to feel like I’m hiding anything from you, even though I’m not guilty of anything other than my own naivety.

That’s it—I have nothing more to say except that if you’re thinking of quitting, know that it’s going to be one of the most liberating things you’ll ever do, and you won’t regret it. I’m having a bit of a hard time finding people to role-play with me using fictional characters and such, but I suck it up—I’ll just have to write my own fan fiction.

As they say: write the book you want to read.

Love y’all ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

[makeezhav4ampz]

Makeez Rants:

Prom is finally done, It was fun while it lasted but all I can say is that it was too fast for my liking 😅

My journey to prom is as I said a "rollercoaster ride". I cried from stress and aching feet from practices, I panicked when my family wasn't home and the dress shop closes at 9 which we thankfully picked up by 8:30pm. The makeup artist was great, he followed through the inspo I showed him. Though the hair was not as extravagant as the inspo I showed, it was well kept and perfect (my asian hair does not cooperate when it needs to be curled✌😞 Thankfully it did). My partner was sweet and gentlemanly GENTLEMANLY!??!! AHHAHAH jk, He assisted whenever I needed help with my gown, held my hand whenever we walk tasss, Wanted me to sit down on a chair after I gave my spot to my friend (our tables were arranged kasi, so we were grouped by line).

The thing is the entire night my nails were not helping me. They kept falling off and I lost one because i needed to grip my gowns petticoat to walk or sit.

Transitions did not go as planned kasi we were only up until 10pm at the venue and I did not have any data or load on my cellphone :((

When we were escorted out the building my distant relative (classmate of mine) had an attack, so kay some people knew na I always carry a few extra things on me, they asked if I had 'haplas' or efficascent. I did kasi I might get a head ache during the event so I borrowed one from my grandad.

Kuya (as I call my distant relative) was as far as I know sent to thr hospital kasi he was in a state na he didn't open his eyes. I left na because my car was waiting and the parking lot was not the best of the best so I left my haplas with whomever has it (Ending my teacher has it).

Nexttt dayy...I think I sprained my ankle ( i dunno). Thenn ofcourse since prom was held on a saturday night, the next day was sunday which is...now, today, tonight BASTA. early in the morning I discovered DISCOVERED?!?!? AHAHHAH jkjkj, na it was...my "red days" BWESITT..by mid afternoon? I think I started to feel dizzy and heavy. My head hurts and my body would not cooperate. Before that I ate ice cream, cause I was craving and it helped. NO IT DID NOT I HAD A FEVER A FEW MOMENTS AFTER A NAP (i think i took a nap). Ended up sick and ate dinner around 7:30+. Told my classmates na I wont be present tomorrow cause it might worsen.

We have a project for esp tapos we haven't finished it yet due to prom and practices. So i sent the guide questions, made my own explanation and answers. And thats that, I might ask my group members to put me on speaker so I can explain (through voice mail of course).

Thats all!! ...I sure do yap alot 😞✌

Should I do a face reveal/ tiktok and post it here??

Now thats really all! Byebye!! I need to rest now goodnight!/day/afternoon!

-☆

[tom4jc]

Job 27:11 Tell What God Can Do

I will teach you about the hand of God; what is with the Almighty I will not conceal. Job 27:11  Currently in the movie industry there have been many movies made recently of superheroes. Each superhero has a different power and ability. People love to talk about each superhero and what his/her power is and how great it is. They like to discuss who has the best power and why it is the best…

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