(poetry draft, might publish it locally later)
Stayed in bed and flailed
A familiar ailment I had been afflicted with
My nerves needed to be quelled.
The dejection at his rejection
I couldn't bear to look in the mirror
Face etched with laugh lines, ugly and old.
Later, when the grief gave way to some relief
I'd put my arms around myself
Its temples I would unfold.
Ah had he not always looked a cool shade of silver
Then why did I envision him as gold?
And I thought of everything he had said -
I cannot remember a lie he had told.
Scrubbed away the mould -
Did I not deserve someone with whom
One day I'll rid myself of the fantasy
That one must need be so extraordinary
That their worth only proved if
They can conjure warmth from cold.
Now from whence arose such complicated concepts?
How did such delusions unfold?
Through my mind's eye - I behold -
Those familiar taunts and beatings
Whenever I had grown too bold.
(Oh, how I wish I had learned different.)
She had only taught me to love parts.
I must learn to only love wholes.