Apr 4, 2017
I just wish i knew exactly why im so unlovable
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I just wish i knew exactly why im so unlovable
God damn it
I have friends i do and i care for them all so much but i just cannot reach out to them and it hurts everytime i have a bad day or my illness comes in a wave and i know im just going to have to live with it alone and the pain of it all just feels like its been doubled if not trippled because its all my own and not a soul knows
I cant do homework in my house at all im gonna cry im so behind amd my anxiety is through the roof which is really helpful ontop of my extremely low mood lately
You know that feeling when your doing fine but very suddenly a deepseeded childhood inscurity is brought to the surface and you are transported back to that feeling of being in the third grade crying in your room alone because your weird and not a fun weird or cooo weird but like a truely odd person and no one will ever be friends with or love that kind of person but you just dont have it in you to fake normality cause you love you and thats good but somedays it be nice if someone else did to
Cw self harm
So fell back into old habits tonight didn’t expect that
I'm just really tired
I'm tired of spending all my free time alone I'm tired of feeling isolated I'm tired of feeling like there's no point in moving forward in work or school if I'm alone at the end of the day I'm tired of going to class and not talking to anyone I'm tired of going to work feeling drained and feeling even more so when I leave I'm tired of having no one to reach out to I'm tired of only staying alive to work and go to school so I can afford to continue to go to school to get a better job to than work more I'm tired I'm frustrated I'm hurt I'm sad and I'm alone and that's the worst part
Your supposed to make me feel less alone how is it you only make me feel more and more isolated
Like I just
Feel super useless in my relationship like I could be replaced by a blow up doll at least in that case he would get laid and I wouldn't feel like crap