One Step Forward, Two Steps Back.
Still, nothing is getting better. No one seems to understand that I REALLY am busy although I'm unemployed. I'm seriously trying to fix my home so Charlie and I can sell this shit and move out of this slum. It takes us a whole day just to prime our walls, a day to patch the cracks in our concrete foundation before we can tile, and then do the same thing to our first floor. This is a huge project and literally NO ONE gets it. My father and friends keep asking me to do things and I always turn them down. My mother screams at me over the phone because I don't/can't visit my father. I'm sorry, but who are you to talk? You're the one who divorced him with no explanation and left him to dry with 1,000 questions on his mind. However, don't be mistaken; I do miss both of my parents dearly. I miss the bonds I have with them. The inside jokes. The feeling I get when my dad takes care of me like he used to when I was a little girl. Even though she frustrates the hell out of me, my mom really is my best friend.
They don't understand how fragile my relationship with my husband is, either. And I wish I could make them understand, but it's too much to talk about over the phone, mostly because I just begin to bawl my eyes out and I can't stop. I wish I could get them to see why I turn invitations down so often. Mostly because I can't because I'm preoccupied; but also because I get so depressed I can hardly get out of bed when I'm hungry.
I'm trying to deal with this in an adult and responsible way. But I keep confusing my sadness for anger and I keep lashing out at my friends and, worst of all, Charlie. And that's another thing breaking out relationship apart.
It gets so hard, sometimes, to stop my crying.