i know im privileged to feel things so deeply, even if what is said or done is not directed towards me, but sometimes i resent how sensitive i am. it makes me human (my ability to sympathize, love, hate, be angry, be indifferent, be sad, feel frustrated, etc), im well aware, but it brings so much pain sometimes, i care so deeply for everything and everyone around me, but somehow that care is never reciprocated, no matter how kind or understanding i am.
i know that the lack of empathy from others is not my fault or lack, but even just once, i would like to have someone sit down and feel with me like i do for others, i have so many emotions swirling around me and creating an endless flow of feelings and no outlet for that, at least no human outlet. and while i understand that constantly being there for others is draining, and can take a toll on a person, i wish others understood that too — because i am always the first to comfort and support, and sympathize and the last to experience that same comfort, support and sympathy.
i don’t hate myself for being so sensitive, it makes me me, but sometimes, i wish i was less sensitive, more indifferent to everything (that sounds horrible to say, but its how i feel). i know though that i process everything this way for a reason, and at this moment, i guess that reason is that i can be of comfort to others, that i can help them. i also know that everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be, so im not fighting how i feel things, but again just feeling it in that same way — complex, difficult and deeply
thank you for coming to my TED talk 💌