*. the world always grows fuzzy when he speaks. wasn't his fault.. he had grown so much thalia hadn't recognized him. ( that's another tally on the "big sis of the decade" board. ) all these years keeping him as a ghost from her past it never occurred to her that jason was alive and growing..alone. to her, he was still that child.. a blunter so bad she forbid herself from telling anyone, not even luke.. thalia's eyes stare past him as she once again tries to comprehend that this ... this was the same ghost. still so painfully alike to that playful spirit she saw forming so long ago in that little boy in her arms. gods, they had both grown.. impressive muscles, scars and all. so much.. and all while doing it, they were both alone. jason's head cocks to the side and her own accursed name cuts through the white noise laced in concern for her .
' " huh, what ?? listening --- yeah, yeah.. totally. " / @praenunti .*
At quarter past eleven, Ray slammed the door of the record store, just in time to see Leigh grind their skateboard on the rail. “Oh, shit!” they cried, bending forward in order to land properly. Ray crossed his arms as they flipped up the skateboard into their arm. “Yo!”
“You really shouldn’t do that,” Ray muttered reaching into his pocket for a pack of gum. He popped out a square and crunched on it, mint flooding his tongue. He offered it to Leigh, who declined, instead grabbing a cigarette from their jacket. “Or that.”
They rolled their eyes as they lit up, blowing smoke up at the street light. “This is the only one I’ve had today. I’m cutting back.”
“If you wanted to cut back, you’d stop.”
“Yeah, but nicotine gum and shit’s expensive.”
“So are cigarettes.”
“S-still!”
Ray snorted as they rounded the corner into the quiet square. A bus cruised down through the Davis train stop, then turned the corner, it’s diesel smoke lingering in the stagnant, summer night. Same shit, different day, Ray thought. You’ll rationalize anything…
“God, today at work, there was this old lady who had a pocketbook full of coupons,” they started. They rested their skateboard over their shoulders, arms hanging off either side. “Half of them were expired, but she made me weed ‘em all out, checking the dates--”
“Jesus,” Ray muttered.
“And she only saved like…fucking five bucks, all told, and then she paid with a check…” They blew their bangs out of their face. “Like, don’t get me wrong, I can respect a coupon hoarder. There was this mom that came in once who really had her shit together, all organized, she knew how to work the system, but this…was just a nightmare.”
“I believe it.” Just as chatty as ever, too. I swear they used to tell Mom as much about my day as well as theirs back home.
Leigh skipped ahead of him, glancing behind him just before the record store vanished from sight. “Was the other guy not there tonight?” they asked.
Again? God damn. “He worked earlier today,” Ray grumbled, raising an eyebrow. “Why do you keep asking about him?”
It took effort for Leigh to beat down a smirk, but still showed in the strain of their lips. “I-I just was wondering--”
“Dude.” Ray rolled his eyes. “Don’t.”
“What? What’s wrong with him?” Leigh frowned. They kept watching the sidewalk behind them as the walked backwards, occasionally stealing glances to contest Ray. “He seems nice! Not…not too chatty, but…nice?”
Yeah, and I see that smile you’re trying to hide. I’ve been fighting your crushes all my life, it feels like. Ray kept his face firm. “You can do better,” he said.
“What do you mean?”
“Kid’s a high school dropout, basically. Deadbeat punk. Don’t bother.”
“Aw, Ray!” Leigh pouted, and their next step jostled the flower pinned to their hair out onto the ground. They crouched down and snatched it up, tucking it behind their ear. “You’re just being a jackass now.”
Ray only shook his head--
(”Dude, can’t you see what he’s doing to you?” Ray exclaimed outside Leigh’s door. Their backpack was sprawled out on the floor, and among the books and school papers, was a bag of white pills. “You never used to be into this stuff before this guy…”
“Shh!” Leigh yelped, waving their hand. Their fingernails were chipped painted black, and they had black pen doodled on their pale arms. “It’s not what you think! Keep it down! If Mom or Dad hears--”
“Fuck, Leigh,” Ray cursed. “Just fucking…think for once, all right?” He hesitated: once, then twice, before he snatched the bag away. “I’m taking this.”
“What? No! I’m holding onto it for him! I wasn’t doing anything--!” Leigh scrambled forward, but Ray kept it well out of their reach. “Ray! I wasn’t!”
A voice called down the hall. “Boys? Everything okay down there?”
“It’s fine, Dad,” Ray replied, staring daggers at Leigh. He lowered his voice down to a whisper. “I. Don’t. Care. I’m throwing this in the dump. Tell him it’s my fault, I don’t care.”)
--as Leigh sighed, blue-green eyes downcast at the sidewalk. You’re my little sibling, Ray thought. After watching Mom and Dad wear you out so much, someone had to make sure you didn’t get into trouble. I get doing shit to spite them--why do you think I didn’t join the army like Dad wanted? But there’s a line, y’know…
…between sticking it to them, to the mold they tried to make you, and just being stupid.
As they walked down the hill that eventually lead to their apartment house, Ray stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, well,” he said finally. “Don’t want to see you get fucked up again.”
“Yeah, well, I can take care of myself, thanks,” Leigh huffed. “I’m not sixteen and an idiot.”
“Now you’re twenty and an idiot.”
“You’re twenty-three and an idiot.” They tossed their cigarette on the pavement and stuck out their tongue. “So there.”
“Whatever,” he muttered. “Speaking of which, it’s Saturday night and you’re not out sneaking into clubs, what’s the deal?”
Leigh laughed. “Maybe I want a quiet night at home?” They swapped their skateboard from one arm to the other. “Nah, haven’t been feeling it lately. Just like…I dunno.”
They bit their lip and shrugged. They’re hiding something, Ray intuited. I know they like dressing up and going out, maybe finding someone to hook up with. So, what’s different?
They made it to the house, and Leigh was first with their keys. “Seriously, what’s your beef with Leon?” they contested again. “He’s always nice to me.”
Ah. That’s why. “Well…” Well, what is it? He just doesn’t seem like their type. He always seems a little crabby, always tired, never see him outside that leather jacket. Scruffy. Kid smokes too much for a teen. Did we ever smoke that much?
Ray continued to stew in his mind, and not answer Leigh, even as they unlocked the door and walked into the main hallway. Then again…maybe I’m not giving him enough credit.
(Leon idly punched numbers into the calculator. “If I…put another hundred…” he muttered.
“What are you doing?” Ray asked.
He rubbed his forehead and shoved the calculator away. “Nothing.” He gripped the counter, fingers gripping underneath. “Just…trying to budget.”
“Budget?”
“Budget?” Dave called from the back. “What, you gonna buy yourself a new leather jacket or something?”
Leon’s hand flinched on the counter, showcasing chewed down fingernails. “Just…” he sighed heavily. “F-food and shit. Nothing…I’m gonna have a smoke.”
Before Ray could ask anymore, he blistered out from behind the counter and was out the front door like a shot. While he was gone, a slip of receipt paper was still beside the calculator--a scrawl listing a mess of numbers with labels. “Food”. “Move out money”. “Bank”.)
“Bro.”
Ray shook himself from his thoughts. Leigh was already halfway up the staircase. “You can say that you’re just being a dick,” they snickered. “I’ll buy the overprotective brother act. For now.” They pointed at him, silver rings flashing. “But only for now.”
Maybe I am just being a dick, just because it’s Leigh. “Sure,” Ray conceded. “Just--”
“I know,” Leigh said. “Be careful, all that shit.”
“Mmhm.” You’ll just do whatever you want anyway, that’s how you’ve always been.
(”Hey…what’s wrong?”
“I…thought about what you said. I-I…I broke up with him.” They wiped smearing mascara off their face. “I-I mean, I’m upset but…only because he was yelling at me, y’know…”
They managed a watery smile. “Thanks.”)
But when it counts…you tend to do the right thing. “Hey, Leigh.”
They leaned against the banister. “Yeah?”
“I was just being a dick. I guess…he’s not too bad.“
They smirked. “Uh-huh.”
“But still.”
“Yup.“
Ray paused, then jogged up the stairs to meet them and gave them a quick, one armed hug. They’ll be okay. “Love you, sib,” he muttered. Took me a little while to get used to that one, but…
He could feel Leigh beaming into his shoulder. “Love you too, big bro.”
