whereas:
1. Abyssal Exalted, standing as they do on the threshold between life and death, are not wholly dead and still evince some biological processes, including sweating;
2. Lunar Exalted, due to their connection with nonhuman animals, are blessed by the Pale Lady with more acute senses, especially smell;
3. Reapplying deodorant and sticking one’s head in the rain barrel cannot be considered equivalent to bathing from either a moral or a practical standpoint;
We, the Lunars serving under Straw Hat Luffy and the representatives of the Silver Pact among the crew of this vessel, do implore, beseech, and order the Abyssal Exalted known as “’Pirate Hunter’ Roronoa Zoro” or “the Demon of the East Blue” to wash his stank zombie ass a bare minimum of twice a week under threat of barred access to the alcohol supplies and other punishments and sanctions as we see fit, including but not limited to:
Ass-kicking;
Physically forcing him to bathe;
Confinement to a dinghy towed behind the main vessel;
Killing him and using his bleached and defaced skull to mark the boundaries of our territory no we won’t that’s horrible!
Crying, like, a whole lot;
Cancellation of Barbecue Sunday;
effective immediately upon posting of this notice and into perpetuity.
Signed: Black-Leg Sanji Dr. Tony-Tony Chopper