These behaviors are indicators that the child is immature and still learning. Sometimes a child will be clingy and immature; sometimes she will insist on doing things that she isn’t yet ready to handle.
In Week 2 of our SideStepping the Power Struggle course, we will consider some of the areas of child development that give parents the most difficulty, and some of the behaviors which bewilder and frustrate mom and dad to the point of wanting to retire early from their job as parents.
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We have problems with our child’s behavior when he is either too dependent or too independent for our liking. We agonize over the actions of our child when he shows signs of being unaware of other people’s feelings and handles his own feelings in destructive or immature ways. And we find ourselves questioning our own modeling when our child doesn’t measure up to our moral standards.
These behaviors are not indicators of problems with our parenting skills or our child’s ability to cooperate. These behaviors are indicators that the child is immature and still learning. She is developing a sense of self and making the transition from dependence to independence. This process goes back and forth: two steps forward, one step backward, two steps forward, one step backward, and so on. Sometimes a child will be clingy and immature; sometimes she will insist on doing things that she isn’t yet ready to handle.
It can be a shock when our children start asserting themselves as they struggle to become independent. A child who was sweet and cooperative one day can suddenly become completely defiant, resistant and even aggressive the next. And just when we think our child has had enough of us, he regresses, clings and shows incredible insecurity. Could this be a stage? When parents are aware of the steps and stages toward maturing and independence, it changes their reaction to their children. They learn to respond with fairness and love rather than with anger. We need to understand “what normal is” rather than trying to change or fix behavior. If children are allowed to go through the various stages of moving forward and pulling back within a healthy framework of limits, they are more likely to mature with confidence and self-esteem intact.
