Sober. Celibate. Selective
I think for the past, almost 6 years I can definitely say— Congratulations self! You made it this far in living these 3 words.
Simple words, but they feel heavy with meaning once you start living them instead of just reading them.
Six years since my first — and last — real relationship. And yes, there was that embarrassing situationship in after… that I’ve fully repented from and moved on.
At almost 40, and I still can’t quite believe I’m here — not settled with someone, not even actively chasing anyone, just living and watching how life unfolds. I think it’s taken turning this age to see how little patience I have for anything less than honesty, depth, and real connection.
Sober
I mean this not just in the drinking sense (though that’s part of it for me), but in living life with clarity and presence. I don’t want to blur my moments with confusion or numbness. I want to feel what’s real. I want to respect myself enough to stay awake in my own life.
Celibate
Not because I’m closed off, but because I’ve learned that not everything that feels close is truly meaningful. I now understand that offering my body without emotional and spiritual safety leaves me depleted.
I’ve never been drawn to hookup culture. Still, in my previous relationship and in that situationship, I compromised my own values more than I should have. I acknowledge that without shame. I’ve repented, I’ve learned, and I’ve grown.
Sex is energy. It’s a spiritual exchange, whether we admit it or not. When shared with the wrong person, it doesn’t nourish, it drains.
This choice isn’t about restriction. It’s about reverence.
It’s not deprivation. It’s discernment.
Selective
This one took time. It came from being exhausted, from being disappointed, from finally realizing that peace matters more than attention. I don’t want just someone. I want someone who aligns with my values, my pace, my honesty. And if that means waiting, then waiting is better than settling.
I still believe in love. I really do.
I’m just not willing to lose myself trying to find it.
Being single doesn’t scare me the way it used to.
I’ve learned that being at peace is better than being partnered but constantly anxious.
I like my life. I like my quiet. I like knowing who I am when no one else is around.
So yeah — sober, celibate, selective.
Not because I’ve closed my heart, but because I finally respect it.
If love comes, I want it to feel steady. Honest. Safe.
And if it takes time, I’m okay with that now.
I’m not rushing.
I’m just living.
MJC
