Often times in my life I have felt that although someone is listening to me, I am never truly heard. Or maybe it’s the other way around – they may be physically hearing me, but not truly listening with their heart.
Whatever the case may be, I have come to realize that this is what most of us need and desire – for another human being in this world to really “hear” us. I did a lot of listening growing up. As an only child I was privy to many adult conversations and I listened like my life depended on it. I was fascinated by the way adults interacted with one another, the things they debated and more importantly the tone in which they spoke to each other and the non-verbal communication that was involved in these exchanges. I also bore witness to a lot of conflict and arguments in the process – and even as a child I knew that if these adults would only be quiet for a moment and listen; they would realize their opinions weren’t actually that far apart.
Chico I hope you feel listened to – like, really truly heard. Not just humored because I am busy or because you are a kid and I’m an adult. If you feel like I’m not “getting” you, please try not to grow frustrated with me, but tell me – “Mama no, you’re not listening,” and try again to explain to me what you are saying. The biggest disservice would be to dismiss you. I know what it’s like to be dismissed – by adults, by bosses, in relationships…and it makes you feel like you don’t matter to the other person.
And no one matters more to me than you baby boy.
I also want you to listen to your heart son. This is the strongest voice inside of you. This voice tells you what you should do when you are scared, indecisive or confused. Unfortunately we tend to let the noise of life and other people’s opinions grow louder than our heart’s voice. Whenever you feel this way I want you to close your eyes and call that voice to the surface of your mind. The answer you are looking for will be right there – you just have to be patient and call for it to come forward. People call this “your gut.” People tend to lose touch with their guts when they become busy, stressed adults. Try to always keep the volume on your guts turned as high as possible – it’ll guide you well.
Chico you will come across people someday that you listen to and don’t like what they say. These people may provoke you and make you angry. I want you to try something for me. Try your best to listen to their perspective as a fellow human being vs the subject they are speaking about. If you focus on their ideas instead of their words this may help you to empathize with them instead of judging or disliking them. Being a good listener means being introspective and thinking about how this person may have come to a place in their lives where they feel this way. It doesn’t mean you have to agree or that you should change your opinion – but you will grow as a person if you can come to understand how they became the person they are today.
When all else fails listen to music. Music has always calmed you and made you happy. The right music at the right time seems to refresh you. You are always calmed by Kurt Vile, Mirah and Elliott Smith. If you need energized then listen to rock and roll. Remember that commercial hip hop makes you incredibly frustrated so don’t leave the radio on! Know what music you need at certain times, because if you’re anything like me you will come to find that listening to good music can save your life.
Sweet boy, whatever you feel is okay and I will always be here to listen to you as I do now. I listen to you babble and “tell” me lots of stories already. I can see by your facial expressions and wild hand gestures that your stories are elaborate and full of drama. I promise to remind you to listen to your heart and your gut and help you wade through all the things in between. Just promise me that you will listen with kindness and an open heart as often as you can – not just for the other person but for your humanity as well.
I love you baby.
Mama
This post is a part of the Sakura Bloom Sling Diaries Volume IV: Everything Shines. I am wearing Chico in the Essential Silk Baby Sling in Midnight & Sandstone.
Listen Often times in my life I have felt that although someone is listening to me, I am never truly heard.
