I have one of those brains that loops.
For years, I did not understand this because I was buried under a mountain of imaginary boulders that made it impossible to move. Depression, for sure, but that is such a bland word for such a tricky way of living that really feels like slow motion dying.
That mountain was so real because my brain would loop all of that chaos and grief and paralysis until I could run my fingertips along the boulder that was pinning down my arm and actually feel the rough, smooth edges of that particular giganti-rock.
What's funny is that somehow I still created even underneath all that weight, mostly dark, sticky stories that hurt to write, photos full of contrast and grain. Every once in a while, something beautiful would emerge, like this photo above, an image that would creep up out of that black, sticky loop and shock me into hoping.
I heard this interview with Deepak Chopra and Arianna Huffington last night, about creativity and wisdom. It's worth a listen. In it, they discuss how giving is a critical part of what makes a person thrive.
“We can now see how giving and compassion are one of the fastest ways to happiness.” So much of what makes a person stressed is their inability to look beyond themselves and at the bigger picture. Conversely, when we focus on being giving and compassionate people, we are viewing life with a wider lens which more often than not is a way to put our own stressors into perspective.
And that's what my little crane project is all about, I think.
An old Japanese tradition says that if you fold 1000 cranes and keep them for yourself, you will be granted a wish. Well, I don't want to keep them, so I am giving them away. I think I'll still get my wish, which would be to slow time, to turn minutes into moments, making room for gratitude and compassion and vulnerability and connection and all that mushy stuff that makes my kiddos call me a hippy.
The thing is, I'm learning that those boulders are actually bubbles that I can pop by thinking about other people, which allows my head to loop love instead of despair. One by one, that mountain is eroding, and my life is better, brighter. Easier, and I'm living again, better than I ever did before.
(and I get so happy thinking about making someone smile I can't stand it)
