#smiling guard

[the-smiling-guard]

Annalise on the case

Stacks of books and piles of scrolls litter the massive research table in the guards barracks. It is nothing but dead end after dead end for the pink maned guard pony. It seems that everytime she gets close to something mind magic or WCP 333-1 past it ends up leading nowhere. There is one thing that she has been able to determine, those that practiced mind magic didn’t last long. It is a very bad type of magic, one that can affect not only the one that spells are cast upon but also the world as a whole. There have been those powerful enough to erase entire kingdoms from memory. Many of the tomes were cursed with spells meant to make those that read them forget. Some just made the reader forget why they wanted that book. Others were meant to wipe the mind completely clean, leaving the reader a blank slate. And so little by little she has wittled them down. Undoing the threads of the curses, making the books safe to read. When she is done they are locked away once more, such knowledge should not be available to the public.

Not that it would help much, someone has gone to great lengths to make sure that there will never be such a resurgence of this type of magic. It is impossible to tell who altered these texts though. From what she has manage to gather this mind magic is able to alter not only the memories of living things but also non living items. The very books and scrolls she is reading could have had some spell cast on them that made them remember what was written on them differently. She isn’t even sure if she is making progress, at any moment she might end up forgetting what she was doing. Going into the break room earlier she nearly had a mental break down when she got distracted by someone calling her name. She completely forgot why she went into the break room, paranoia kicking in. Perhaps she does need to take a break, leave this for a little while. Let somebody else poke through this research, see if fresh eyes will help with anything. Right after this next scroll, the ancient parchment crinkles in protest as it is unrolled. She has to be very careful, or these ancient texts will turn to dust. Then she would need to have to face off with the terrifying terror that is the tiny librarian who rules with an iron hoof. 

Annalise is positive that a strong enough sneeze would be enough to send him flying backwards. However all thoughts of the librarian vanish as she looks upon the scroll, it is a schematic for a device. One capable of detecting localized mind magic, a magical Geiger counter designed for one school of magic! They have been trying to create something more reliable like this for quite some time. There have been prototypes but they either can’t detect anything or explode when you turn them on. Racing out of the room Annalise goes to report her findings. In the empty room the soft sound of scratching can be heard, it sounds like a pen writing on parchment. A few symbols and design specs change ever so subtlety. The Story must proceed.

[the-smiling-guard]

Holiday Cheer

Time for another parody song, this one titled ‘Scrooge’ from A Muppet Christmas Carol. Good flick.

Through the empty halls of Cloudlantis he moves, The Smiling Guard stalks the lonely dust filled corridors while all around him ponies begin to break into song.

When a cold wind blows it chills you Chills you to the bone But there's nothing in nature that freezes your heart Like years of being alone

It paints you with indifference Like a lady paints with rouge And the worst of the worst The most hated and cursed Is the one that we call Smiling  Unkind as any And the wrath of many This is that Smiling Guard

Oh, there goes Mr. Humbug There goes Mr. Grim If they gave a prize for bein' mean the winner would be him Oh, Smiley loves his darkness cause he thinks it gives him power If he became a flavor you can bet he would be sour ("Yuck", "Even the vegetables don't like him!")

There goes Mr. Creepy There goes Mr. Monster The undisputed master of the underhanded deed He inflicts suffering and woe on those that are down trodden Us small folk live in misery It's even worse for foals ("Please, sir, I want a night light.)

Meanwhile at WCP headquarters Annalyse finds herself singing a soft tune as she looks over the files of WCP 333 ‘Smiling Guard’.

He must be so lonely He must be so sad He goes to extremes to convince us he's bad He's really a victim of fear and of pride Look close and there must be a sweet stallion inside *Flips page*                   Maybe

There goes Mr. Humbug There goes Mr. Grinch He has no time for friends or fun His anger makes that clear Don't ask him for a favor 'cause his nastiness increases No joy for those in need No snacks for us foals

There goes Mr. Damaged There goes Mr. Fool He never gives, he only takes He lets this hunger rule If bein' mean's a way of life He'll practice and rehearse And all that work is paying off 'Cause Smiling is getting worse Every day, in every way, Smiling is getting worse

With a sudden twirl the bat pony turns, wings flared kicking up a small cloud of dust. A singular blue eye scans the empty hallway, the voices gone. The feeling of their presence gone as well. No other pony has walked these halls in ages. But he heard them as clearly as his own voice.

 “Just the imagination playing tricks on me right?”

“But of course, there is nobody else here but me.”

“Right... just me.”

[the-smiling-guard]

Smiling Guard and crew versus!

So I saw my death and it was quite frankly glorious. Lots of fire, heavy rain, lightning and explosions. Oh the explosions, truly a masterpiece of concussive force and falling debris. Yes there was also falling, I fell so very far into the ocean I think. Didn’t sink very fast, felt so very tired and weak I actually welcomed it. Right up until the point the debris crashed into the water above me, ruined that gentle descent. Didn’t hit me though I was off to the side, put a steel beam or something broke loose hooked me right through hip. Dragging me down into the welcoming dark. I’ll go into more details later but for now I had a lovely thought! I saw quite a few familiar faces and many unfamiliar ones before the final explosion. And it got me thinking about how many fights are probably going to happen between now and then. I wonder how they will go, so let’s turn on our imaginations and check this out! 

Imagine it like one of those Japanese fighting games, you got the intro cut scene. Four Guard Ponies come stumbling into view, one pudgy gray stallion calling out ‘Stop in the name of Equestria!’ And oh no, it is Timothy! He has been found by Bastion’s squad out in the gardens! Whatever will he do, why stand there dramatically in a gust of wind that blows his hooded cloak about! Health bars and special meters appear above each group! The timer count downs and an unseen voice shouts ‘FIGHT’! First up it is Arrowhead, leaping into the air and ready to strike! Gasp! The wind that ruffled Timothy’s cape is too strong for the feather weight guard and she is blown away into the distance. ‘Not again!’ she wails her voice trailing off. Right then next up it is Monolith, well rested after a nap he is ready to fight! Wait, hold on his cell phone just went off. Uh oh. Baby momma emergency, the cravings have hit and if they don’t get satisfied the city will burn. Down to two, Bastion and Nors! Surely they can contain this lone fragment and keeper of Prince Butters!

Nope. There goes Bastion running in fear and crying past the new Captain of the Guard Screwloose who just shakes her head in disbelief. ‘NO MORE SPANKINGS! MY PLOT CAN’T TAKE IT!’ That is the fastest he has moved in some time, wonder what he saw to make him scared like that? Nobody else around but a certain green maid pony by the name Atjour. So now it is just down to poor old Nors, he now has a reason to be extra grumpy having to take on Timothy Alone. But first he has to look to see what that Anon just threw at him. Oh... it is a cupcake, an acorn cupcake... A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS! And Nors is done, one shotted by the flying tackle of none other than Prince Butters! Look at his health bar drop, and now he is getting slobbered on, oh the ponymanity! Oh the horror! 

Winner: Prince Butters

[the-smiling-guard]

Holiday Madness

Ah yes the Holidays, ponies and gryphons and kelpies and dragons all sharing a lovely Hearth's Warming Eve together. So much fun and joy to be had, but fear not for Memory, Timothy, and even Smiling spent the holidays together. And it was spent with a lot of screaming, anger, violence, and blood. So pretty much like everybody else's Hearth's Warming. You see while Mr. Narrator was off being a selfish dud almost dying from a blood infection things were still happening in the land of Equestria! Smiling is back, not sure how yet they are still trying to calm him down. That or restrain him, whichever comes first. Memory has his hooves full dealing with Smiling and poor Timothy may or may not have been traumatized. 

See there may or may not have been an incident with Prince Butters and the South Wind Stormfront. Apparently there are allegations of butt rubbing under the mistletoe, acorn wine, and massive hang overs. The only one that can remember what happened is Timothy but all he says is 'Classified'. Still not sure what he saw but we all know the Prince is endowed in such a manner that even gryphons get put to shame. But  enough about that, and the fact that Memory plans on pulling Red Velvet's skeleton out through his anus. More on that later, so much catching up to do! 

Oh and Annalyse totally got drunk at the Hearth's Warming party and did a very sultry dance on a table before falling off legs spread. Don't worry they covered her nethers with a helmet, and took a photo. Hello blackmail.

[the-smiling-guard]

What Dreams May Come part two

A sea of paper work, a literal sea of paperwork. Sheets of white, pink, and yellow rise up and crash in waves against the upside down desk. A giant pencil juts out the top with the tattered remains of the carbon paper sail fluttering in the wind. The waste basket can only do so much to keep the water out, the white out isn't holding there are too many leaks. Annalise tries desperately to bail out her desk, there is so much paper work! She is drowning in it, her quill oars were lost some time ago. No it can't end like this, not in the Triplicate Report Sea! Suddenly a shadow forms as lightning cracks overhead, it is a tidal wave of paper work boring down at her. The frightened mare lets out a scream and covers her head a vain attempt at protecting herself from the coming wave.

"PRIVATE ANNALISE!" A booming voice breaks through the sounds of the storm, the paper tidal wave has frozen in mid crash. The lightning has even frozen, descending from the blackened clouds is Princess Luna. And she does not look happy. "This is the third time this week we have had to pay your dreams a visit." Giant brooms would begin to sweep away the sea of paper work, as well as the clouds. Annalise would look up at the Princess her face flushed with embarrassment. "Princess Luna! I am so sorry I didn't mean... I was just doing paperwork and... there is just so much of it..." She would whine. The desk fades away leaving the pair standing in a tranquil sea. It is true Annalise has been hitting the books, doing research, filing paperwork and so much more. She is exhausted and now even her dreams are being invaded by the paper work. "I'm really sorry I will try to dream of better things... I just need to research how to do that."

"Young one you must not threat, as I have told you time and time again you must not take on so much responsibility. I know you are doing your best to help keep Equestria safe but you are just one pony. I have read over your reports and this being you are studying appears to pose no threat. You have said yourself that it has stated it only wants to be left alone." The reports that Luna receives are worded in such a way as to not reveal what Smiling or Memory truly are. Princes Celestia feels that the time is not yet right to reveal what happened to one of her favored guards. Or the things he did in his attempts to avenge her, she is not sure when the right time will be. Or if it will ever be the right time. "I know Princess, but... the magic that WCP 333-3 uses is so very dangerous. I think I know why so very few know of it, whoever did the most research on memory magic realized its potential. So they left spells behind to alter the memories of others that try to learn it." Princess Luna would nod, that is must troubling but it is also a wise decision. She would need to speak with her sister about this. The scenery would change around them now, to a moon lit field with a clear sky full of constellations. All around them lilies bloom in the moon light while fire flies flew about filling the night air with soft green beacons of light.

"I will speak with my sister about this, but until then I want you to get some real rest. Have some of the other guards go over the paperwork for you. For now though just enjoy this dream, I use to visit this ponies dreams quite often long ago. They always dreamed of this place, it is very peaceful. The only time it changed was when the sky was cloudy... I would always find them staring at another pony that looked exactly like them." It is a beautiful meadow, the air is crisp the night is warm there is even the faintest hint of a breeze. Annalise smiles and looks up at the night sky, the stars twinkling above and the moon glowing like the sun. "This is gorgeous, I didn't know you could conjure up other ponies dreams. Who was this pony if you don't mind me asking."

"We cannot recall his name at the moment but he had the most infectious smile about him..."

[the-smiling-guard]

Pony Shaming

Smiling: Before I was captured I would raid the royal pantry and leave Celestia's cream for her coffee sitting out so it would spoil.

Memory: I like to watch ponies sleep, all of them...

Annalise: I found Westwood passed out after a Hearth's Warming Eve party and I touched his butt! 

[the-smiling-guard]

Mr. Narrator

Hello all, call me Mr. Narrator! I'm here to give you all a catch up on what has been happening as well as describing the various characters of this story! Right so let us start off with the cast! There is Smiling, former guard turned shadow creature. There are the Smiling Fragments which are fragments of Smiling's memories, currently there are only five left. One that does all the typing for this Tumblr, the second spends all of his time hanging out with Prince Butters. Keeping him safe, playing with him and writing romance novels under the pen name Velvet Fetlocks. The other three are currently MIA, doing Faust knows what but they are keeping low. There is also Memory, a former memory fragment that has coalesced into its own entity. Memory is the one that is currently running things, telling the other Fragment what to write. 

Memory is the only fragment that is a collection of memories, all the negative memories and emotions that Smiling had. He is the only fragment with a full face painted on his mask. He is also the only one with a full body, the other fragments only have the front half of a body visible. They have no back half but the robe gives the appearance of hind quarters. 

And finally there is the young'ish mare Annalise Lighthoof, she is a magic forensic scientist in service of the Day Guard. Though she works with both the Day Guard as well as the Night Guard. Currently she is heading a small task force that is investigating Smiling, Memory, and the remaining fragments. 

Now onto the story! We are going to do a TL;DR version here, why? Because Mr. Narrator is recovering from a rattlesnake bite and is now apparently getting an inner ear infection. Although good news the college where Mr. Narrator works at and where he was bitten is paying for the anti venom and the hospital visit. Oh and they got a new rattlesnake to milk to make anti venom out of the deal. Mr. Narrator grabbed the snake while it was biting him and didn't let go. Even after it peed on him, twice. Right so onto the story! 

Smiling is a former Night Guard, he worked for Princess Luna before she became Nightmare Moon. Smiling was one of those fellows whose life was his job. He didn't have any friends outside of work, his family was distant, he had a sister. He was keen on having everybody smiling, he rarely ever opened his eyes. His left eye was a lovely jade color, his right eye however has a very large cataract that makes him mostly blind in that eye. Never got it operated on since he could do the night vision cat eye trick all Night Guards are taught. He was also a bat pony. So Princess Luna snapped became Nightmare Moon got banished. Smiling thought it was a cover up, that Celestia killed Luna and was hogging all the ponies love for herself. The aftermath of the incident wasn't handled well, the Night Guard became the Sun Set Guard who served the Dawn Guard. Many of the Sun Set Guard were reassigned to far off parts of Equestria. 

Smiling snapped, said he was going to uncover the truth. Celestia thought it would be a good idea to let him cool down. One week later she had a three pony squad go to find him and try to talk him into coming back. It was lead by an idiot who only got promoted to high levels because his family was powerful. He liked to carry a sword around, he shouldn't have been allowed to carry anything sharper than a butter knife. Instead of doing as told and convincing Smiling to come back he ordered him to return to face punishment, there was a fight naturally. Three of the four ponies suffered sword wounds, the only one that didn't suffer a sword wound was the one swinging the blade. Smiling got sliced in the side of the throat fell down into a cave. Moron proclaimed the mission a success, requested/demanded a medal was stripped of his weapon and given desk duty for the rest of his life. He still managed to stab four other ponies with a letter opener. 

So dying in the dark something comes to him and offers him a chance to right the wrongs of Celestia's actions. It is surprising what one will agree to when they are dying alone in the dark, doomed to be forgotten like the one they loved. So Smiling takes the offer, becomes a shadow creature. He attacks Celestia, swearing revenge on her for all she has done. To him, to her sister, to the ponies of Equestria. He forms a cult of other like minded ponies, those that have been abandoned, left behind, those that needed help but none were there. It was a way of rubbing things in Celestia's face, where she failed to help others he was doing this. For four hundred years Smiling waged war on Celestia with his group. Until he came up with the idea for the Faust Engine. A machine powered by magic, capable of connecting to the primary universe from which all the other multiverses spawn from. Once connected Smiling planned on undoing all of reality, ending the suffering of all the ponies in all the worlds. He had become convinced that there was too much suffering, that there would always be more bad than good. Of course that didn't happen, those that made him what he was liked existing. So at the last moment they took away most of his power causing his defeat. 

Captured by Celestia and the Commander of the Guards Star Steel, now he was a piece of work. Demanded to know where the key was that activated the Faust Engine. Smiling never did tell him, he ended up having a stroke while interrogating him. Star Steel is the reason why special wards were put into Smiling's cell. Wards designed to torture him with agonizing pain that would have killed a normal pony. He also had a plan to overthrow the Princess and make himself into the new ruler. Even researched how to become an alicorn but the stroke ended that. He also had a no prisoners policy, killed many of Smiling's followers. Well that was six hundred years ago when he was captured. Fast forward to the present turns out Smiling had the key all along he was using it to keep himself in one piece. Like a chunk of ice floating in water Smiling needed the power stored in the key to keep himself whole. Otherwise he would have melted and dissipated into the shadows. But the key was flawed and breaking down, if it broke he would have exploded. In the WCP compound, taking it and quite a bit of the landscape around that place with him. Rather than doing that he busted out of prison, caused havoc in the palace in Canterlot. Then seemingly died on the front steps of the palace when the magic ran out of the key. 

This is why Smiling is now a disembodied entity floating about with his memories flaking off to become masked robe wearing pony look alikes. Annalise has stepped up to both study and try to keep Smiling as well as all his pieces in line. Memory is trying to figure out how to get Smiling back into ice cube form, so far all he has done is take over the forgotten floating island of Cloudlantis. He plans on crashing it into the Faust Engine to release the magic contained within to allow Smiling to pull himself back together. This would of course wipe out all life on Equestria, he is looking for a plan B. So... yeah that seems to be about it, lots of little stuff in between all that but there isn't time to go into that. This is Mr. Narrator signing off.