#soelaimanbenabsar

[avigayilziva]

Today is my dad’s birthday. He would have turned 84 today. Four years ago when he celebrated his 80th birthday I was so happy and thankful he made it that far, I was sure that he was going to live forever. But today, instead of making him a cake or taking him out for a meal, my mom and I went to visit his grave. It still feels so surreal to not have him around anymore. It feels wrong that all that’s left is his name engraved on a headstone and a memory of him in every corner of the house. Sometimes I would find a video of him and feel like he’s really there. That he’s still alive. And maybe he is although on a different level or in a different layer of this world. Just like he really is alive in the video, separated from me by time, space and contained in some piece of technology, he’s also alive in this world, separated by a spiritual veil that I will eventually cross as well when my time comes. But until then, all I have to hold on to are my memories, and the things he left behind. Happy birthday Papa. I miss you so much. #missingdad #rememberingdad #soelaimanbenabsar #soelaimanbennaswiyah https://www.instagram.com/p/CE1Udo3FY6r/?igshid=bhr7m8fzwq79

[avigayilziva]

I find it interesting how similar the Muslim tradition is with Judaism, which is probably one of the reasons why it was so easy for my dad to "catch up" with the change in my life. In Judaism, when a person makes it possible for another person to do a mitzvah (a commandment), the "enabler" will share in the merit of the the person carrying out the commandment. For example, when someone donates a prayer book in memory of a deceased person, the donor and the deceased will both share in the merit of whoever prays using the book. The Muslims believe the same. Today marks 40 days since my dad passed away. Most of the Muslims in Java have a tradition of gathering on the 1st, 3rd, 7th, and 40th day (and even 100th day, followed by 1 year, 2 years and 1000th day) of someone's death to offer up prayers for the deceased. For some reason, the 40th day is special and involves handing out a special goodie bag which not only contains a lunch and snack box, but also a prayer book (which includes the book of Yaasin, and prayers for the soul of the departed - perhaps similar to the Jewish prayer Kel Male Rachamim) and a special item which will not only serve as a souvenir of remembrance to the deceased but also to help elevate the deceased neshama. We opted to include a sarong, which Indonesian Muslims usually wear for their daily prayers. By providing them with an item which is used in their daily prayers, whenever they wear it while praying, the Muslims believe that my dad's soul will share in the merit of the person praying. Pictured here are 25 men who gathered to pray for my dad today, and the blue goodie bags in the foreground, and Elisheva on video call on my phone, listening in to the prayers. We printed two types of prayer book: the exclusive grey ones for families and the mosque my dad frequented on Fridays and holidays, and the blue batik one for public distribution. #rememberingdad #soelaimanbenabsar #soelaimanbennaswiyah #beingjewish #kibudavveim https://www.instagram.com/p/CEAwwKAFA5M/?igshid=iyw02edm02ir

[avigayilziva]

Soelaiman ben Absar Wiriaatmadja • 7 September 1936 - 9 July 2020 • 20 Elul 5696 - 17 Tammuz 5780 • My dad has always been my most favorite person on earth. He’d always let me do and be what I wanted and opted to let me make my own mistakes to learn from. He’s the epitome of tolerance, with him being a Muslim, marrying a Christian woman, and allowing and fully supporting his two daughters to convert to Judaism, returning to his own distant lineage. He’s loved in every group he is part of, from his old school alumni group to his most recent tourism support group. Until his dying day, he was always active, whenever an opportunity arose he would leave the house to meet up with various people from his group, and sometimes participate in meetings of his peer in the tourism industry, where they do various things to help promote Indonesia. He’s one of the few people I know from his generation who is fully adept to the ever developing technology, running his own blog. He was a very quiet man, who would observe and absorb information around him, even when I didn't realise it. He didn't always ask questions but I have been surprised at the things he has noticed and learned about my sister's and my spiritual journey. On Shabbat when my mom asks why I don't do certain things, he's surprised me quite a few times by jumping in and explaining to my mom before I could do it myself. If only I had half of his power of observation and perception, I'd be a very wise person. 😇 I just hope that any mitzvah I do in his memory will help elevate his neshama. He is and will always be sorely missed by many, but especially so by my mom, my sister and me. I love you dad, thank you for being you. I will miss you every day. #rememberingdad #soelaimanbenabsar #soelaimanbennaswiyah https://www.instagram.com/p/CC2T3-IF86t/?igshid=14786dhr4d2pq